I don't know what to do with my two year old...

Kenzie - posted on 10/26/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My son will not listen to me, or anyone for that matter. He is so horrible all day just about every day. He has good moments here and there but he is so hard to deal with. I have tried so many strategies to get him to listen to me and nothing works. He hits, he yells, he screams, he breaks things, he chases our animals around and torments them...I will repetedly tell him no, try to divert his attention, take him to another room, but he just goes right back to the naughty thing he was doing. I have tried time outs, he wont stay there so I sit there for an hour trying to get him to sit there for just two minutes straight, I tried making eye contact with him to asert my authority but he will never look at me in the eyes so that doesn't work, I have tried yelling, I've tried ignoring the problem because I thought he was doing it for attention, I have tried being nice. LITERALLY nothing works. I can't take him anywhere because he acts horrible in public too and it's embarassing. When I take him to my best friends house to play with her son who is his age he acts HORRIBLY. He chases their dogs non stop no matter how many times I try to get him to quit. He hits and pushes and takes things out of her son's hands. I have a husband but he is either working or sleeping or doing whatever he wants. He never really helps with our son and when he does all he does is complain about having to watch him. So I rarely get a break from my son. I feel at my whits end. No ones advice works. I don't know what to do anymore. All I want to do is yell at him and spank him and I know that's not going to work. I just feel like I'm having or about to have a mental breakdown and no one is here to help me. I'm all alone. I love my son more than anything on this planet but I just want to run away.

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Kristin - posted on 10/29/2012

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My son is definitely at his naughtiest when he is either tired or looking for attention. It's amazing how big of a part sleep deprivation can play on their little bodies too!

London - posted on 10/28/2012

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I have had the same problem with my 2 year old . You just have get him to understand that you are in control and he's not . It is hard and I know exactly how you feel . Try spending more mommy and baby time with him . Because he could be doing it for attention . Try to remember he's only learning . Spankings ddoesn't work all the time either . But really the only thing you can do is to get him to understand that your in control because right he feels as if he's the one in control and that's why he won't listen.

Toni - posted on 10/27/2012

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I would start with a trip to the dr to rule out anything medical like water on the ear, developmental issues etc, then have a stern chat with your husband about his responsibility and the fact that his kid is going to grow up to be "that" kid if he doesn't help out now. Also try your community for experienced nurses who can come and observe and give you some pointers. often it's about the little things being done consistantly which will make the biggest difference rather than major changes. My big things to check though are always, sleep, diet and attention. If he's getting enough sleep a quality diet and positive attention from you that is 90% of the battle and the rest is trial and error. I would highly reccomend the sears discipline book which goes into how to cope when you have developed a combative relationship which it sounds like you have. There's no quick fix but it can be done effectively and with love - good luck

Sarah - posted on 10/27/2012

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2's are hard. I do day care and over the years I have noticed that the 2's are often times in a non stop time out. One thing I have noticed/learned is that if I stick with it it does finally pay off. It takes time and a LOT of work and a LOT of repeating. Stay consistant and always follow through. Don't say something if you are not prepared to follow through with that action....I know easier said then done sometimes. Also give yourself some "you" time. If you can get a sitter and go out with some friends. If you can't do that "you" time can also be having a nice bubble bath after your son goes to bed. Or reading a good book for awhile after he is in bed. I enjoy going for walks....Sometimes I find it helps if I am having a really hard day with lots of time outs is to just get out the stroller and go for a walk.



For my time outs here is how I do them. I get down on their level and explain why they are in time out, but make it short and simple.....We don't hit. The time out spot is where the child can't see the TV (if TV is on) where he/she can't play with their toys and there is nothing around them that can become a toy for that moment. I find that if works better if they are in a different room then the rest of us, but within my view. I don't sit and stare at them, but I do check on them and make sure they are in their spot. They must sit there for 2 mins. without getting up. If they get up they are brought back to that spot and time starts over. For some kids this takes a lot of time getting started over for them to get it. When they get up before their 2 mins. is up I put them back in their spot, but SAY NOTHING to them. I also SAY NOTHING to them when they are in time out. Some kids will try about anything to get you to respond to them.....I love you, I am sorry, What are we eating for dinner to name just a few. When time out is done I again get down on their level and make them make eye contact with me (sometimes that means holding their head so they don't look away) and explain again why....short and simple. Then they must either say they are sorry to the person or if thew a toy they must go pick up the toy and give it to me....the toy is then put up for the day. Some days they are going to be in time out almost all day and you are going to feel like it is a loss cause. But if you stick with it they will get it. I have found that by the time they turn 3 yrs. many times all I need to do is give a warning that if it continues then it will be a time out and they start to behave. Not that we still don't have time outs, just much much less.



Also know you are not alone....even though you may feel like it. There are many many other moms with 2 yr olds that are going through the same thing.

Kristin - posted on 10/26/2012

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Awe poor you, sounds like you need a timeout from him for a bit :( Do you have anyone to leave him with-your parents or something to have a little time for yourself? Sometimes it's easier to regroup to feel sane again so you can be a better mommy for your kids. I feel your pain. I became pregnant again when my son was 8 months or so. Now I have a 2 year old and an 8 month old that is trying real hard to walk already. I am home with them all day and feel like I am on the clock 24/7 all day everyday. My husband works hard and long hours so he sleeps in late and is exhausted on his days off. I try not to glower at him or feel angry because I do love him like crazy and realize he works hard but I work hard too and man am I tired. Sometimes I really just don't think men completely understand.



Anyway, I don't know if I have much advice for you that you may not already have tried. My son just turned 2 and he's been a handful for several months now. I do timeouts in the corner where there are no distractions, turn the TV off, ect and do about 2 minutes-sometimes I admit to cutting it a little short. When he gets up I stick him (as calmly as I can) right back in the corner. Sometimes it only takes once and sometimes it will take about 20-30 mins or so. I don't hold him there, I just put him back and walk away. It's a can be tiring sometimes but works pretty well for us. Usually I give him a warning the first time but the things he gets in there for with no warning are throwing food or drink on the floor and being mean to his sister or the animals...I don't have any tolerance for it. Occasionally he gets really angry and will bite me or someone else. I used to thump him in the mouth for it but I found that it wasn't really very effective. Sometimes if I suggest timeout he smiles and laughs and puts himself in timeout and sometimes he screams and cries and calls for my husband. But my husband does the exact same thing I do. Ugh...not entirely sure of its effectiveness at this age but what I do know is that they need the same thing to be done over and over for it to work. I have a friend who said she had to do this for an hour and a half for her son before he actually sat there :(



I have a hard time keeping my cool with him sometimes, especially when my daughter starts screaming at the same time. But when I freak out his behavior is worse. Either that or he gives me a hug and says "mommy, scary!" So I guess my other advice is to make sure he's safe and lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes to either laugh or cry. I admit I have done both:) Good luck let me know how it goes or if you try anything else that works. I love hearing what other moms have done that actually works!

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