I have left the kids and husband...mental break down

Theresa - posted on 12/15/2010 ( 25 moms have responded )

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My 2 year old is the hardest child ever to deal with and my 11 year old is going through the tween years, my house is too big to clean and I am a clean freak, I just started working nights to help with the mortgage since this economy sucks and all of this makes me feel like I am drowning. My husband thinks I am pathetic because I can't handle it...and no, I can't handle it right now, so I left them all.
It was either that or kill myself which I know would be so selfish and I don't want to hurt
them like that.
Do I go away and live on my own or just leave for a week? I want to see them but can't handle the everyday scene....without freaking out.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

User - posted on 09/22/2013

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Working nights and trying to do it all by day? When was the last time you got some restful sleep? This might be as simple as you needing some time to yourself, like maybe a babysitter or nanny and the occasional maid service. No-one can do everything alone. Your husband is wrong to think you are pathetic. That is not a helpful thing for him to say, and can only serve to make you feel more isolated and at wit's end.

Sheryl - posted on 12/16/2010

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i can till you from marrying a mom where his mom left them has a child that is not good! at all! if you leave them for good you'll never have them back the way you have it know. my husbend hates and i maen hates his mom for that. sorry but i no women should do that to her kids no matter how hard it gets. life is not easy and never will be. i don't have a easy marriage theres days i hate my husbend guess of what he calls me. you know why he calls me know cause he grow up hating women cause of what his mom did for the longest time. he does love me and he is trying to figure it out and that he knows its wrong. plus to top it off i have a child who is austic. yeah austic! not easy every day so fulled with scraming from him cause he can't talk or say what he wants. then also he is also got sensory processing disorder. his 2 years old! my life is hard everyday and sorry but i would never ever leave them. you say it would be selfish to kill your self yeah it would but you leaving them for good would also be selfish. you need to get help! my life is hard also and everyones is these days cause of the econ. but its about overcoming it and not letting it get the best of you. if you are stuggleing this much to some help. don't punsh your kids or your husbend. also maybe getting some marriage conc. another thing being a mom is about not being about yourself and only your self. it about putting others first. ecs. you children. you leave them for good by living on your own then you can kiss there love for you good by for good. cause all they see you has someone who walk away. then they think i was not good enough for her. they'll think everyone walk away in life. then if they every meet anyone or get married they think that women is going to do the same thing or treat them like crap for what you did. then you have that women hating you. like i did and still what do my mother in law. cause of what she did. sorry i am not trying to be mean and i am sorry if it is coming out mean. but we mother need to love our kids more then ourselfs. by getting what every help we need to help us be the best moms we can. then putting them before yourselfs. you say your a clean freak well you know you got kids it not going to hurt anything if something does not get done that day or right when it happens like clothes. make your oldest do chores. if you want to go do things or wants to you to buy him things. my oldest son is going on 5 in may his got chores. everyday his toys have to be picked up and every so often he vacums a room for me. even my austic child picks up his toys with help but he does it. there days i just want to scram but you know i know my kids well love me more for sticking by them through thick and then. and the same with my husbend for better or worse. no one every promised that life was going to be easy or stress free. so has a mom to mom go get help and don't just leave them unless it is truly the best thing and don't do it with out talking to a conc. frist. even then try not to just leave them. theres a saying i try to live by this to well come to pass. right know it seem like you are living in a strom and it well pass there well the sun at the end of it. and if you don't want to go to a conc. talk to god. pray and read the bible. i try to read it everytime things get heard or even talk paster. but please don't do kill your self or just up and leave your family for good. take some time to really think about things. i'll keep you in my prayers and again sorry if it came out mean at the beinging. i just hate to see parents say things like that. cause i feel when we have are kids are life becomes about them for the most part.

Jodi - posted on 12/16/2010

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I strongly advise you to see a doctor or any sort, even your GP. Tell them how you feel, it sounds like you are suffering from depression which is nothing to be ashamed of and CAN be helped! I don't say I think it's depression because of your situation, but because you feel like you're drowning and you feel your only other solution is suicide, trademark signs of depression. Please seek help so you that you can be the mommy and wife you need to be...and so that you can be the woman you need to be for yourself. My heart goes out to you and I sincerely wish you only the best. *hugs*

Carla - posted on 12/21/2010

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You should see a counselor or talk to your priest/preacher at church. It does get overwhelming sometimes, but with a little help, you can get through this and be a happy family again. Your husband should go with you to the counselor or priest. Also, if your two year old is hard to handle, talk to the pediatrician. He/She may be able to help you with the child.

Heather - posted on 12/16/2010

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oh im so sorry to hear you are stuggling so much. Unfortunately you are not alone. Many mommas feel like they are drowning and isolated and just cannot get ahead of themselves. You are in a very challenging situation with a preteen and a demanding toddler and working nights where your sleep is messed with and having a hubby who is not as supportive as he needs to be. There is no right answer as to how you need to handle this the right way is what is right for you. If you are not mentally or emotionally stable or healthy enough to be in the family right now then maybe you need to be someplace getting healthy but you need to make sure you are communicating with your hubby and kids. You don't want your kids thinking it is their fault momma is struggling. I suggest you think about therapy, maybe look into an antidepressant and get your nutrition as high as possible as quickly as possible. Make sure you exercise daily and get as much sunlight as possible. Hang in there, reach out for help (as you are doing) and do the best you can. There are plenty of other women out there who are going thru the same feelings you are right now or went thru them at some point and are on the other side of it now. Please don't be afraid to talk to other mommas about it and don't feel like you did something wrong to feel this way. Another thing that may help with your 2 yr old is making sure you are super consisitant with him so that his behaviour gets a little less challenging. I hope you feel better soon. your not alone! You will be OK!

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Theresa - posted on 08/14/2015

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This is an update!!
I'm sorry it took five years to get back to everybody's thoughtfulness And kind words of encouragement.
I first want to say thank you let you and tell you all I am doing fabulous! I never left the kids or the family But I did just take a weekend off to myself To get some much needed R&R!!
I look back at that time and I realized what had set me over the edge or snapped. I didn't realize it at the time but I was seriously sleep deprived! And from what my counselor told me lack of sleep can really mess up a person's brain ....It could bring on depression And cause irrational Thoughts and decisions. At the time my children had just gotten over the flu and I was working nights and coming home to take care of sick ones. And then I got sick!
The combination of being sick still taking care of a baby and having no sleep Whatsoever for 3 days And having OCD and the house was a mess had caused me to snap! That combo made me become very depressed. After seeing a counselor I realized that sleep is very important and Next time I need to ask for help Instead of thinking I can do it all!! I should have called The grandparents to come over to help me!!! But I never Liked asking for help but Obviously now I know That asking for help is very important.At the time my husband was not very supportive Because he was Also sick but was not telling me because he didn't want to upset me. And so lack of communication on his part made me think that he was being insensitive To my feelings when really he was really sick And just couldn't deal with it either. We had a long talk about each others needs and He's very supportive now.
So I just want to take the time to let everybody know that life is really good! I have also learned to control my OCD which causes a lot of feelings of being overwhelmed.
If anybody else has these issues id say from experience That they first Ask for help! Get some good sleep And then communicate to your husband eachothers needs or feelings to find a better solution. Thanks again and God Bless

Candy - posted on 12/21/2010

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Dear Theresa,
I want you to know that you are not alone. Depression is a DISEASE; a biochemical imbalance. You can't help it anymore than a diabetic can get rid of their disease. Look up some depression websites, print and highlight everything that sounds familiar, and share it with your husband and doctor. It also sounds like panic/anxiety attacks too. There was a time I couldn't be left alone with my child because I was suicidal. There is NO REASON your 11 year old, husband, and even your 2 year old can't help with the house. Please feel free to talk to me if you want. I say this out of love. Oh, by the way, look up the American's with Disabilities Act. Even employers have to make accommodations for depressed/panic/anxiety attack prone people. Maybe if you show Hubby that, it will open his eyes. Take care of yourself.

Danielle - posted on 12/20/2010

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Take a break and use your spare time to seek some help from your doctor.

Amber - posted on 12/20/2010

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ask your doctor about anti-depressants....they work wonders when you're overwhelmed. I am going to pray for you and i hope you get to feeling better!

Ashley - posted on 12/20/2010

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if you love them go get urself some help then go back to them ,but take time for yourself every day and things will get better.i hope the best for you and you family.:)

Merri - posted on 12/18/2010

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I am a firm believer you are never given more then you can handle you may just need help realizing that. I would recommend seeing someone to help you with your stress. Honestly I wouldnt return to you family until you have talked to someone because of the stress level you are under. We as moms have to take on alot sometimes more then you should have too. But that is why god made women Moms..we are tougher then we look. Take a break GET SOME HELP, then go back to your babies

Christy - posted on 12/17/2010

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Go see a shrink. For real. Get an evaluation and see if you need therapy and/or meds. I have a close friend that did this when she felt she couldn't take her family stress anymore and it ended up being a severe case of Anxiety Disorder. ( What you said about being a clean freak alerted me, BTW-anxiety. I don't think it's totally depression as the other moms have said). She's in therapy and on meds and doing a lot better. In the meantime take a week or 2 off for the sake of your family and yourself.

Margarita - posted on 12/17/2010

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Ok, I think it would be a very wise idea to just get out for a few hours and then call it a day and go back home. It is tough and it is stressful, but motherhood is rewarding as well.

I will echo everyone in saying to get counseling, it would not hurt.

The other thing that might not hurt is to look at FLYlady.net. what I like about her is that she helps you find new routines, etc. Check it out.

Nikkole - posted on 12/17/2010

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To me it sounds like depression! But if i were you i wouldnt leave your kids it baffles me how ANY mother could you had kids for a reason not just to leave them! I would go talk to you doctor and explain to your husband what your going through and that you NEED help! I think if you did leave your kids you would regret it and your children would not have the same relationship they have with you now!

Tricia - posted on 12/17/2010

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I'm so sorry you are going thru this but don't leave your kids at least not for now, try and get counseling. I just had my 2 child about 3 1/2 months ago and had to go back to work after he was about a month old and its been very hard for me too. Husband doesn't understand but your kids will never forgive you for this talk to your husband and try and get professional help

Vicki - posted on 12/17/2010

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a short term break isn't what you need, you've still got to come back to the situation. I'd suggest talking to some1 who can help you professionally, for the sake of your children. Accept help when it's offered but most importantly ask for it when needed, good luck x

Dora - posted on 12/17/2010

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To be honest with you it doesn't sound like you need a break. I have to agree with Jodi, it sounds like you maybe battleing depression. If you decide to return home and you start to feel like not yourself again, remember just walk away and ask for help. Don't ever take things out on your children. I hope everything works out for you and your family.

Judy - posted on 12/17/2010

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Communicate how you feel, that you do not want to loose your family but cannot continue the way things are. Then get some counseling help. At some point even hubby needs to be in on the counseling. Making a family work is hard enough, but if you have some clean freak issues it is even harder. Counseling will help you let go a a little of that, and help hubby understand it.

Hannah W - posted on 12/17/2010

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I am very sorry you are going through this. No one knows you better than you--about how much stress you can bear. You needed a break and I believe that the best thing you can do to yourself is to surround yourself with supportive people who understand what you and your family are going through. Please contact a therapist and make an appointment now and then when you and your therapist feel you are ready make room for family therapy too. When feeling sucidial go to the nearest hospital please or call 911 while your husband is around to take care of the children.

Alexis - posted on 12/16/2010

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Sounds like you need a break. Ask for a weekend off to yourself and go relax. Find a good friend and hang out and talk just the two of you. Maybe even a counselor could help. Maybe with someone to talk to and some occasional breaks for you on a regular basis you can handle the situation better. When it comes to leaving for good I would really sit down and think about how that will effect your kids. But take a break and find someone to talk to for sure.

M - posted on 12/16/2010

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Yes being a mommy, wife, sister, daughter, worker, etc. is alot of stress. I wear these hats daily, BUT honestly I know that GOD loves me and I talk to him everyday. He is my power and he does work wonder through me. I pray for you and never think that you are alone, for he is watching.

Abo - posted on 12/16/2010

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I am so sorry to hear of your ordeal:( but I'm glad you're not considering suicide - it's never a solution as far as I'm concerned.
I would also recommend therapy or some time away with a galfriend - just to have fun and revive urself!
I sincerely believe that we Moms need to have regular recharge time away from kids and hubby, as this will help us take better care of them.
"Cast all your anxiety upon Him, for He cares for you"

[deleted account]

no dont leave may you go for a day out for refreshing your self or if you can afford to go for a short weekend holiday that will help alot

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