i need some advise please read

Danielle - posted on 10/01/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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hi im a young mother with a 2 yr old daughter i was just hopeing to get some advise as i have been told by my other half that his friend commented on my parenting my child is very full on and can be quite bossy and stubborn and by the end of each day she becomes very grumpy. I dissapline her when she needs it but the thing is that my hubbys mate only ever comes over in the afternoon and night and not very often at all anyway he has once said to me himself that im a bad mum and now has said to my otherhalf that he doesn't think my parenting is good as the night he was here i have had a very exhusting day and was tired and really did not want to deal with the spacking that my daughter was doing so instead i ignored her and relaxed myself by laughing at it in another room i have got depression and have only just started the medication and all the judging really makes me feel down what would you do in a situation like this ?

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Lisa - posted on 10/04/2010

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Is this friend a father himself? If not, show him the door! None of us mothers are perfect and no 2 year old child is always perfectly behaved. Any other parent understands this. However your husband needs to support you, if he personally thinks your child is out of control then it needs to be something that the two of you work on together. I am a stay at home mom so I am the main disiplinary in our house but my husband follows my cues, so if I've said "no you can't have that or do that" he must reinforce that or else it undermines what i've worked on that day. Parenting is a two person job when you're married and it takes alot of communication and support. Depression is a serious thing to handle, so be sure to take care of yourself and ask for help when needed. Explain to your husband that you are open for suggestions from him and support from him but the two of you are the only ones who matter when it comes to raising your daughter. If his friend has nothing good to say and isn't willing to help raise your daughter he needs to keep his mouth shut or stay away from your house, he isn't helping you feel better and that should be top priority for you and your husband. Keep your head up and take a few minutes for yourself! My son is almost 3 and I have a 7 week old little girl and there are some days when my husband gets home from work I tell him he's got the kids and I'm taking a long uninterrupted shower to regain my patience. We all need a break sometimes, if we don't ask for it then we can't complain about not getting it. Good luck!

Brandi - posted on 10/01/2010

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"Thank you for your opinion, and I will take that under consisderation" I use this line when ever i think I'm going to become snarky with someone I don't agree with, don't want to get into a confrontaion with, or tick-off by telling them off.

Also you may want to suggest to your hubby that standing up for you to his buddy would make the critisim easier to ignore. You are mom and wife, and should be respected as the queen of your castle by everyone that comes into the door (hubby letting his buddy inform you of your bad parenting is not a sign of respect from your husband!).

18 Comments

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Lourisia - posted on 10/06/2010

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Look hun no one is perfect but if your man puts you down instead of helping he should just move on you deserve better.And well it is your job to let your kid's know that you are the boss she will not be scared by making her stay in her room and act out let her know you are not going to put up with it.And all thou we love are kid's we are there first teachers and if you let her get away with acting in a cretin way she will grow up thinking that is ok.

Amanda - posted on 10/06/2010

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Don't let these ppl get you down... There will always be someone with something negative to say about someones parenting skills. Parenting can be a very hard and complicated task at times especially with a two yr old I know. You can only do what you know and as long as your child is well kept bathed a roof over there head and fed you are doing good. Just tell your self there is always going to be someone jealous over you and your love for your child because they can not have that exact same bond that you have so no matter what you should chin up and just not allow the negative ones to come into your home since your child will see them getting you down then they will start getting down when they come around because they can since that stuff and no child needs to see there parents like that.
I hope this helps and good luck.

Jennifer - posted on 10/06/2010

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the greatest critics are the ones who have no personal insight or experience...

Bridget - posted on 10/06/2010

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As a mother of three small children I will tell you this, everyone has their opinions on how you should raise "your" child & all mothers have times where they make mistakes and do not make the best choices. As long as your daughter is not neglected or abused, and you know that, just disregard what people have to say. It is a very difficult job to be a mother sometimes.

Lee-Anne - posted on 10/05/2010

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I have found that when you have children, everyone you know becomes a parenting expert and doesn't have the slightest problem in telling you what they think you're doing wrong. Thank them for their advice, use what you think might work for you and disregard the rest. You will find that the people that have the most criticism are the ones that feel the most inadequate themselves and get pleasure from putting someone who is doing their best, down. It is a classic form of adult bullying. Don't let anyone tell you how to raise your child. All children are different and you are the only one who knows your child best. Hang in there and know that you are doing one of the hardest, most thankless but rewarding jobs on earth. Good Luck!

Tina - posted on 10/05/2010

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well some children are very grumpy and aggressivein the evening.. mine are! does she still take naps. it couldbe that she doesn't take a long enough nap or that she doesn't get in a nap during the day. sometimes it is what she sees in the home.

Nydia - posted on 10/04/2010

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I think every mom tries their best for their children and honestly speaking, I would put a stop to the entire situation. First, your husband should stop his friend from coming into your house and telling you what you are and are not doing. I am sorry to say this but I don't like confrontation but when it comes to this point I will tell that person in a polite way they need to stop and if they don't they are not welcome on my home. This is your house and your husbands friends need to respect you as a mother and as your husbands wife. I don't allow this kind of thing in my house and I will let the person know that it bothers me. I have in the past and guess what, that person is still our friend. You need to worry about your health and your childs health because what this so called "friend" is doing is very unhealthy, I don't think you should ignore it because it will never get ignored, it will stick with you forever because these kind of words hurt when you are trying your best with your kids. And can I just say, you are not the only parent in the home, you husband is a parent too and you really need a relax break time too. One more thing, I know he is your hubbys friend, but you don't need to proof anything to him, he is not a parent and he doesn't know how hard it is to raise children, if anyone should be shown how much you love and care for them is your child!!

Jessica - posted on 10/04/2010

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No one is a good mom every day. We all just do the best we can and some days it's very hard. Have your hubby's friends ever spent an entire day dealing with a 2 year old? I don't think so! Try to ignore what your hubby's friends say about your parenting. It's between you and your hubby and your kid - and no one else!
BTW - 2 and 3 are hard, but things do get better after that. My 7 year old was a very challenging baby/toddler (sometimes just plain awful!) but he's growing into a great kid so just stay consistent and you will all get thru it!!

Nikole - posted on 10/04/2010

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just to hold on cause kids ten to get better with age.every mother gets a lil depressed,but its cause we are the mothers and have to do pretty much everything for our kids.dad's got it easier than the mother do,cause we deal with them all day and the dad's get to come home or whatever and see the kids.it will be a long journey to raise a child but it is worth every minute.and dont let anyone tell u that u r a bad mom cause the only bad mom around is the one that isnt in their kids life,or a drug addict and so on.

Hailey - posted on 10/03/2010

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my family always coment bout me and my daughter thts she to naughty and selish but she is 2 i dt care im the 1 tht puts up with her it dose get me dwn a bit but she mine and my problem nt theres

Tajma - posted on 10/02/2010

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One thing you have to remember is you gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Please do not allow outsiders to get the best of you. Put your feet to the floor and make firm decissions that is best for you.
I understand it is difficult but you have to find other ways to communicate with your daughter because she sense the tention within the household. As for the name calling ur going to hear it often than you think. You have to get to the source of your frustration and move on so your family can enjoy their mommy.
Good luck!!!!

Amber - posted on 10/02/2010

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Honestly Danielle If I were you I would not let this get you down. Who does this person think they are coming into your house to put you down. So Ignore it honey. The way I see it let that person think whatever they want to think. Opions are like A** Holes everybodys got one, just because they got one doesn't make it right. I hope this helps honey.

Jane - posted on 10/02/2010

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is his friend a parent? and if so, a stay at home parent? anyone who is saying you are a bad mother shouldn't be part of your life or your husband's life. some people just like to let the whole world know how stupid they are.

Kelina - posted on 10/02/2010

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Does he have kids? Does your husband know how difficult it is to spend all day home with your daughter? It sounds like he needs to stick up for you rather than telling your hubby what a bad parent you are. You're doing whats right for you, and soetimes, walking away is the right thing to do. We can't parent to the best of our abilities if we're overly stressed or depressed. Let your husband know how upsetting it is to you when his friend says things like that, ask him how he feels about your parenting skills and have a good discussion. He needs to support you and the two of you need to be on the same page.

Roz - posted on 10/02/2010

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Go with your gut instinct...only you know deep down what is best for your daughter. Put it this way, is your husbands mate a stay at home mom? does he have depression? Keep your chin up you are doing all the right things hon. :-)

Jasmine - posted on 10/01/2010

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i would - them people from my life depression can bring u down really bad u don't need any one that only come over when they want to tell u ur a bad mother we all have i our days that we just don't feel like dealing with kids that don't make us bad mothers if ur a bad mother wat does that make him

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