I would like to know how other moms discipline theyre 2-3 yr olds?

Magan - posted on 02/08/2010

i have the same trouble, my son screams at me and will not listen to anything i tell him to do. He yells at me and says he hates me even though i am the one who takes care of him and has for the past 4 years... i CANT believe how bad he treats me even though we both about died during birthing... it breaks my heart i cant bear to spank him... im stuck... and adice?

Molly - posted on 01/09/2010

the grocery store is a HUGE battle ground for us. he loves to not ride in the cart. and so before we go in when he is calm and not over stimulated i explain to him that he can walk if he A. keeps up with mommy and B. keeps his sticky hands off of stuff... and i tell him at any time i can put him in the cart and make him wear his seat belt and no amount of crying screaming for fit throwing will change it. then i ask him what do good boys do? and he says "keep up or not throw fits" so i know he was listening. and if he violates either rule in the cart he goes. and he does then throw fits and cry but usually not the whole time. i also pack snacks in the diaper bag that are "special treats" as i call them that are not a regular item like sweet tarts or smarties. and he has to eat one at a time. i also keep him in line by letting him "help" i keep the milk basket free so if he sees an item that he is allowed to pick out then he has his own "basket" like i let him pick out a fruit snack or let him pick out a few cans of veggies. that way he stays engaged with me but is making his own choices.... and we always stop at the lobster tank and we talk about where they are from what what they are doing/thinking/talking about. and some times he'll make it through the whole store and get naughty towards the end of the trip and i tell him if he doesnt mind next time its straight in the carte with the seat belt. and i tell him you need to make a choice. will you make a good choice or a naughty choice. its another way to engage is ability to problem solve. if i do this or that what will happen.... and ignore the onlookers... MOST people have had toddlers so they know what we are going through... i just ignore them or smile and say "we soooo need a nap"... that usually gets a smile back and a "im glad those days are over" from most people.!

Rylied66 - posted on 07/26/2017

take his pants and underwear off and spank his bare butt and then put him in timeout with his pants and underwear also off

Niki - posted on 02/09/2010

My daughter is 2 years old, and at home when she is not listening she goes in timeout, which is in any corner, convenient because it can be done in any room. What we noticed was when she would sit in timeout she would play and amuse herself for the few minutes, which was not productive for thinking about her actions. So she now stands in the corner with her nose towards the wasll, hands by her side. Not cruel, and not long at all. But enough discomfort to where she does NOT want to go to timeout. And this has worked effectively for us!

Allison - posted on 01/09/2010

Hi, I found that spanking gets old (I don't do it often) But time out works the best. like in a naughty spot. Specify a chair or couch for the naught spot and the kids start to remember when they are in trouble that is where they go. It woks amazing! I decorated a little rocking chair with a little sign on it that says "Naught Spot" and the kids avoid that chair all together. And when they do somehting wrong, I ask them if they want to go to the naught spot and ususally that stops them in their tracks...



Just an insight... :)

Amy - posted on 06/30/2011

Danielle that is awesome! I wish mine said that to me!!

Marisa - posted on 02/09/2010

I so feel your pain! My daughter use to do the same exact thing ie. flop down and then actually bang her head against the floor..... the daymother then gave me some advice - it sounds cruel but i only had to do it ONCE... she threw a tantrum... and i waited untill she was in full swing, went to my fridge, took out the cold water, poured it into a small cup... and threw it over her in a dash... she got such a fright she completely stopped that horrid tantrum - to this day, touch wood no tantrum.. just the occasional time out in the "grow good corner".... this is not for everyone i know... but it worked for me... :)

Johanna - posted on 02/08/2010

I do what you've just recommended and my daughter doesnt respond to it. Unless its her father doing it. She finds mommy funny and daddy intimidating when it comes to discipline. I dont find it funny thats for sure!!

Johanna - posted on 02/08/2010

I have the same problem with my daughter minus the crying all the time. She ignores everything I do or say. Time outs dont phase her. She stands there but she will talk to herself or sing.... if she is in a devilish mood she will just run out as soon as I turn my back and I will spend an hour just putting her back hoping she will get the hint that time out is bad and she cant get out until she stays still! I smacked her hands before but normally she finds that funny too. Only person she listens to is her dad. I am a stay at home mother, he works 10 hour days 5-6 days a week.

Tracy - posted on 02/08/2010

i use time out for my son it sort of works. we dont have a space thats safe where there are no toys, so it ends up being in his bedroom. my son sometimes asks now for time out in my 16 year od sons room. he also takes my teenage kids and toys for time outs, so i dont think he really sees it as much of a punishment, but hes only 2 1/2 so theres time. when he behaves worse its cos hes borred, its no fun as an adult being borred when you have a good understanding of the world, so as a little kid when there are so many things that they dont understand its hard. try and go with it they are young for such a short while try and ignore the bad behavour and have a bit of fun. most things can be worked round. shopping is difficult for us but i cant help but think its funny. the things he does to make a chance to do a runner shows real inteligence scares the life out of me at the time though.

Shonna - posted on 02/07/2010

The rule of thumb for time outs is a minute for every year - 3 yrs., 3 mins. and so on! Good luck, my 3yr. old daughter tells me NO! when I ask her to do things and time outs work pretty good for us.

Brenna - posted on 02/06/2010

I was having the same problem with my 2 1/2 year old daughter, time outs and spankings did nothing to deter her temper tantrums. I've started taking things away (grounding) when she starts disobeying and throwing tantrums. I start with any sweets (she usually gets a little bag of fruit snacks in the afternoon after lunch) and then if she continues I take away her television privileges (she LOVES Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Little Einsteins) for the remainder of that day and the next day. That usually works but on a few occasions I've had to take away a favorite toy. This has gotten her attention really quickly because when she comes to ask for whatever was taken away I tell her no and remind her of why she lost that privilege. Hopefully this helps!

Gloria - posted on 02/06/2010

Put him on the step for two minutes. If he gets up, start the 2 minutes over. The first few times you will make 100 trips to the step. He is anxious and wants you to set boundries for him and you aren't doing it. He will be greatful to you for setting boundries so he can control himself. It works for bed time as well.

Lisa - posted on 02/06/2010

Spanking has to be the last resort but understand, at the same time, where your child is in his emotional development. I'm having the same challenge with my son--- Yes, he's going to try to assert his independence, but needs to be reminded that misbehavior won't be accepted or tolerated. Depending upon his age, I'd explain (using age-appropriate language, of course) why his action/behavior is inappropriate and tell him to cease and desist. You can issue another verbal warning if the behavior continues but if that doesn't work, I'd then resort to spanking because your son had been adequately warned.



***Just a note regarding corporal punishment: Never use your hand to do it! This can be difficult at times but as your son grows and sees a hand coming at him, he will thinks he's getting another spanking when you don't desire to convey this message at all. Use your own discretion but l suggest using a special object designed for that purpose...

Catherine - posted on 02/06/2010

I do time out with my daughter. She has got herself into some bad habits. I have also started a toy box which has her confiscated toys and that seems to work with her. And it's a bonus because, her room isn't such a mess anymore and I have less to clean up!!

Kayleigh - posted on 02/05/2010

hi! i have the same trouble with my nearly 3 yr old daughter and ive found the most important thing is to not lose your temper (very difficult i know) cus once u hav lost ur temper thats it- u hav lost control. patience really is the key. keep a firm authoritive voice- u hav got to remain in control or they will run circle round u. toddlers are very clever they learn from emotions and facial expressions. they can pick up on ur frustration or guilt and use it to their advantage. i find my daughter will act up in places like grocery shopping bcause i was so embarrassed and worried that people were thinkin bad things, so id give in. but i refuse to be manipulated anymore and nw i jus ignore her and let her scream. if i say no, i mean no! i dnt care if people are staring, in fact they are probably sympathising with me.

also ignorance can be bliss, toddlers respond to any attention, negative or positive. i hav tried the naughty chair but she has seen supernanny and jus thinks it a game. sometimes i find if you ignore negative behaviour yet react to positive then they will soon get the message that if ur naughty u wont get attention, but if ur good u will.

i find jus knowing other people hav the same problems with their toddlers has helped me in the sense that i know im not alone. also dnt be ashamed from ur mistakes. bringing up children is something u learn as u go along, and we all r not quite sure what we are doing most of the time. jus work on instinct and everything should fall into place.



good luck!

Maggie - posted on 02/05/2010

Here's my routine and my son does great...I never have a fit in the middle of the store.

1) give a warning 2) count to five 3) time out for 3 minutes 4) the corner for 3 minutes ...my son knows that if he goes to the corner then he is in BIG trouble and he tells other kids the same thing.

Most importantly if your child has a babysitter on occasion, day care provider, family members watching her/him they all need to go by the same discipline you do or the child will not catch on as quick. If you're at a function and we always let them take a few toys with to entertain, then warn, time out (and don't worry what other people think, if they listen and it works then people do realize how it works for you and at least your not that parent whose kid is screaming and throwing himself on the ground) and if they don't listen then one of their toys gets taken away. Sometimes I result to quiet time or no desert warning. People are shocked at how well behaved my little boy is and how courteous, and I must say I'm not a tough mom.

Jolette - posted on 02/05/2010

OMG! i found a MUCH better way than time-outs that will preserve and nurture your child's connection with you and brain development for years to come! Check out this websites:

http://www.parentingwithpresence.net/



And for those in Los Angeles, here's a NEW workshop to deal with tantrums for parents w/toddlers!:

http://tiny.cc/2pVZP

Heidi - posted on 02/04/2010

I have the same issue with my 4 year old son. Time out usually works when his father puts him there, but when I put him there it doesn't always work. Spanking doesn't work at all with him, he just laughs about it. We usually threaten him with not playing video games, or the computer. That usually works for him.

[deleted account]

I've tried everything Legal.. lol ...and the only thing that works for us is when i approach him like im not about to FREAK OUT on him. I use a calm soft voice and try talking to him about what needs to be done and how he'll be rewarded later if he's a good boy. This is a challenge for me too b/c sometimes Ive had enough and just want to pull my hair out! but, practice makes perfect! Kill em' with kindness!

Katie - posted on 02/03/2010

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/15/health...

Ceterra - posted on 02/03/2010

even though my son is only 15 months old, all I have to do is look mean at him and he is repentant! But if he is on one of his days I just stick him in the crib and tell him how I felt about what he did, which normally just means saying "mommy didn't like that." He is a real people pleaser, but also a fighter. I focus on his discipline with me only because anything his Grandmother or Father does is normally the opposite of what I do!

Pamela - posted on 02/03/2010

My soon to be two year old does the same thing. I found that sometimes I ask in a way that is to complicated for him to understand, and that if I take time to put it into words he can understand and I take time to show him I get a better response..I do resort to spanking everynow and then for tantrums, but walking away and ignoring helps some..but what really worked for me was getting down in the floor with him and throwing a tantrum too..it scares them and they quit or at least mine did.

Staci - posted on 02/03/2010

Sorry to hear about the attitude....mine little 3 year old does that to me sometimes also. I ignore her attitude and state what I want her to do....several times and if she doesn't do it...I do it and then she can't do whatever she requests to do next..."Mom can I watch Chugginton?" "No honey, I had to feed the cats because you refused, so no TV for you!"....that's just an example. I spank occassionally, time out doesn't work...she will put herself in it when she doesn't want to do something, but one thing she really doesn't like is having to put her nose in the corner....she really doesn't like to do that so it works well......I had to revert back to those old school discipline techniques from grade school!! LOL!! good luck...I hope things get better. Just don't give in.....send him to his room when he starts crying.....I tell my daughter that mommy doesn't want to listen to her cry. I tell her she can come out when she gets done....and she does.

Jesyca - posted on 02/03/2010

I am having the exact same issue with my son. You are right spanking doesn't seem to help. I have used the time-out AND have stuck to it. His toys, if they are not picked up they go outside and he does not like that...so its either pick them up or out they go and he gets put on time-out. Be mindful that at 2 and 3 years our kiddos know how to push our buttons. I have found this tactic to be most effective. I let him cry, scream until he just can't do it any longer. Also, I stick to the same routine so he learns that mom does not play when it comes to picking up his toys (which is my biggest thing because I step on those things!) So..endure and work on your patience to let him/her stay in time out. When they start up on the crying again..explain to him/her "ok if you start again..back you go" and do it. It took a couple of weeks but he understand clearly now.

Katie - posted on 02/02/2010

I do not like using the word punishment. For me it's all about teaching. I always explain why I am requesting an action and what will happen if he doesn't do it. I try to keep consiquences as natural as possible, keep the communication lines open and makes sure he knows I love him no matter what. Example for us is sitting down to get dressed, I say if you don't sit down so I can put your shoes on we won't have time for the park later. The best way to teach a child to listen and respect you is to listen to and respect them. Attention seeking activities are usually the result of not getting enough attention. You don't want to "reward" the behaviour but ignoring a child that is upset because he feels like he's being ignored doesn't make a lot of sense. On the rare occasion this happens to us I ask him to calm down and if he would like to sit down for a few

minutes with mommy and read a book or just cuddle - it works wonders. I say pick your battles, this isn't a war it's a partnership, be flexible and above all show love and respect because children learn the most by watching what you do.

Stacy - posted on 02/02/2010

Discipline is a balance between positive reinforcement for good behavior and correction for "bad" behavior. Small children do great with praises (examples: nice job of putting your toys away or I really like it that you have such a great attitude right now). Time out usually works well with first a warning (you have 2 choices you can "pick up your toys" or go to timeout. Remember, just because a child isn't upset about being sent to timeout doesn't mean it's not working. Also it is important to consistently follow through with what doing what you say your going to do. Time outs usually won't work if children are threatened often with them and then it is not followed through on. Hope this helps.

Kristan - posted on 02/02/2010

I have a 2 1/2 year old girl who loves her drama. She used to throw fits a lot but we sent her to her room EVERY time. It only took about 4-5 times before she would say that she had her "listening ears" on and that she was done crying. We used the same format every time. We gave a warning that if she continued crying and screaming she would have to go to her room. Then we escort her to her room. We tell her to wait there 2 minutes (usually enough time to bring her down). She did try to leave her room and I did have to close the door on her one time after a warning but that was not an issue again. Then we come back and talk to her saying that she got sent to her room because she threw a fit and we don't like that behavior. We request an apology and then we accept the apology with a hug. We still use this disciple method but now its with attitude instead of fits (there is always a faze ;0) ) and we have found it to be affective. She really wants an audience for that behavior and by taking the audience away we controlled the behavior.



On a side note I found a toddler clock (Totclock) that has a discipline feature that turns the clock red for however many minutes you program it for. Now I tell her to stay in her room until the clock isn't red any more and she doesn't feel as abandoned. She comes out on her own after the 2 minutes programmed and apologizes on her own. So she feels like she has more control but she is still learning that certain behavior is unacceptable.



I say overall consistancy and staying calm is the key. If your son is not doing as you ask then he needs to leave the room until he can listen. And if he throws a fit, he needs to do it in his room where he won't bother Mommy and/or Daddy.



I know all kids are different and I hope this is helpful. I know it has worked for us. Good luck.

Julie - posted on 02/02/2010

I have a two year old as well and time out seems to work just fine. just be consistent with it and withdraw favorite activities when acting out and reward good behavior. There will be tantrums and yelling,crying and acting out but let him know ur in charge and in no time he will learn to take you seriously and will behave when he knows his favorite toy or cartoon program is stopped. Trust me, they have a way of knowing when ypu are serious and will try to get away with it but be firm and consistent.Good-luck

Rita - posted on 02/01/2010

I havent had the chance to read everyones posts.. but what works for me is I put out my hand signalling "STOP" and say the word very sternly. If my son still doesnt stop what hes doing or continues to act silly, I go over to him and kneel down and give him eye contact and tell him to stop that he is being naughty and what it is he is doing wrong. I warn him that if he continues to do it I will take it away (be it something he is not using right ie throwing cars or books) if he continues the bad behaviour i put him on the naughty chair etc etc... i think the Stop signal is effective because they use the same discipline technique at his daycare so its consistent. This is a really important point, if you child goes to day care or some other care you should try to do the same thing for discipline as they do so the child understands. Work together with them on this one! and good luck. With regard to the crying/ sensitivity thing... sometimes ignoring it works wonders too.. dont show him too much that the crying tactic will necessarily work with you. It might cease if it doesnt get him what he wants. :)

Kat - posted on 02/01/2010

Extreme parent guidance by Supper nanny on CH4 uk 8th Feb at 20:00

Michelle - posted on 02/01/2010

If your son, after being spanked, or put on time out goes back to doing what he did before and he cries like he does. It sounds like a conditoned response from him, rather than sensitive. Sounds, like he has learned your buttons. My suggestion is continue what your doing. If he crosses the boundary talk to him about it, spank him and put him in a place that he process what happend. Like a time out, then, come back to him and talk about it again, so its fresh in his mind, in a loving kind mannor. If he does it again, repeat the process. Even if it is 2 or 3 times. My daughter is a dramma queen, she is almost 3 years old. I have found that after she gets into trouble, even if its just a warning, she cries and cries ect. So, I have her sit on the stairs until she is done crying, she gets up a smiling happy girl. Every child is different. I would try this for at least 3 or 4 weeks. If it continues, I would talk with your pediatrician.

Manokia - posted on 02/01/2010

I was recently advised on getting a book titled, 123 Magic which basically recommends "time out" but" time out" in a non-negotiating way. Once you've decided to give a time out, don't negotiate in between sending your son to the quiet chair or his room. Just send him there without reasoning in between ( ex. talking to him while you're taking him to his punishment). Count from 1 to 3 and that's it. If he cries and refuses to go take him there and make him stay there for 3 mins. My husband and I have noticed that taking away our son's favorite toy for an hour or so helped as well. Spanking just makes them fearful of you and makes you as the parent feel horrible in the end. Sorry for the long response but we're in the same boat. Our son, who is 3, has received the same memo as your son.

Donielle - posted on 01/31/2010

I was raised with spanking so I tried it and my daughter would just laugh and then hit back....so it clearly does not work for us. Time out has been a great way of disciplining her however it is important to be firm with it and not cave. She gets 2 minutes and once she is put in the corner I do not speak to her for that 2 min., no matter how frustrated I am. The hardest thing with time out we had to tackle was the fact that she wouldnt stay there, so me and my hubby employed the suppernanny method. We constantly pick her up and put her back in corner without saying a word....sometimes it takes 15 minutes to get her to stay for 2 min. BUT IT WORKS GREAT! Then we get on her level, tell her that we dont do that, and she apoligizes :)

Louise - posted on 01/31/2010

I agree its really hard I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old and I find the naughty spots fine but it wears thin and takes up alot of time - somemtimes I'll just say that I am not being their friend today because they are being naughty and I'll be their friend when they calm down and do what mummys asking them! Another thing that I find works is just ignore what hes doing and say oh well mummys off to do the dishes (or whatever) and walk away and he'll know he's not getting your attention and stop whatever he's doing! Its hardwork though takes lots of patience and perseverance - good luck x

Summer - posted on 01/30/2010

Have you checked yourself for consistency? I don't know about you, but when I check myself I notice that I am sometimes inconsistent throughout the day with expecting my toddler to obey me. When I improve the consistency, he improves his behavior. It's very subtle and most people don't even notice they do it-- because such inconsistency usually happens when you are busy/preoccupied with something. For example, if you are in the middle of some activity that requires your attention, you might ask your child to come to you, or go somewhere, and he ignores you-- but since you are so busy and you didn't really care about the request, you just ignore the transgression. Those little licenses for misbehavior add up and end up making a major impact. In no time your kid is out of control! Also, for the crying, have you tried stopping and correcting him at the first sign of tears, before it escalates? Have you tried coaching him to be happy, explicitly telling him to have a cheerful face, etc?

Dana - posted on 01/30/2010

when you do the time out chair its a minute for each year of their age.. and then make sure to get down on the childs level and talk to them about why they had to be in the naughty chair and make sure it's understood that they'll be right back sitting down if it happens again..

Jennifer - posted on 01/30/2010

i put mine in the corner, in a common spot, like the doorframe of the living room where everyone can see. humiliation seems to work the best, spanking them just makes my hand hurt. you have to find something they absolutly dont like.

[deleted account]

Find the book 'easy to love, difficult to disicpline' by Dr. Becky Bailey. It discusses the developmental stages and focuses on the concept that each behavioral issues is basically an opportunity to teach the child how to cope. It really has helped me to be more understanding and patient. There is usually a reason they are acting out. We just need to figure out what it is! Not always so easy. I still have to give my son (3) consequences for his actions AND then follow through. I usually wind up taking things away as a punishment, like his blanket or favorite snuggle toy.

[deleted account]

Find the book 'easy to love, difficult to disicpline' by Dr. Becky Bailey. It discusses the developmental stages and focuses on the concept that each behavioral issues is basically an opportunity to teach the child how to cope. It really has helped me to be more understanding and patient. There is usually a reason they are acting out. We just need to figure out what it is! Not always so easy. I still have to give my son (3) consequences for his actions AND then follow through. I usually wind up taking things away as a punishment, like his blanket or favorite snuggle toy.

Linda - posted on 01/20/2010

try I will call santa and have him bring you Chuckie Cheese tokens if you can do as I ask until santa comes. It worked with me to get my boys potty trained.and we just got them gift cards and took them since they did good.

Danielle - posted on 01/20/2010

at the store, if my kid is being naughty i tell him he has to go get in the car or i walk away from him to a place he can't seem me anymore but i can still see him and when he gets scared and comes after me he usually quits it - but if he doesn't i make good on my promises and we leave right away, leaving without checking out. if i really have to buy something i take the bare necessities or i come back later to shop alone if possible. kids usually like to go to the store, so if he is not allowed to be at the store and misbehave he will quickly learn to behave. it's just a matter of consistency and persistence. always follow through with what you say - so only say things that you know you will follow through on.

Danielle - posted on 01/20/2010

taking attention away seems to help a lot - my son is very dramatic as well when it comes to being spanked and such. what i do is i make him sit down on the floor wherever it is that he is - doesn't matter - then i turn away. if he gets up, i wordlessly sit him down again. it takes persistence. again and again i'll make him sit -but i don't say anything to him at all, and i turn my whole body away from him. after a set amount of time (i like two minutes for my two year old) i look him in the eyes and give him a hug and explain to him what i don't want him to do. "you many not hit your brother" or "do not spit again." if he does it again, the whole process starts over. i know it can be tiring, but if you are persistent with whatever you decide your method to be, he will figure it out soon enough and decide for himself if it's worth sitting and doing nothing with no attention for a while or not.



good luck.

Rachel - posted on 01/17/2010

i have to say that i am facing the same problem. i have a almost 3 year old daughter who does all of those things i have tried them all and i dont like to spank her i feel bad after.. but its just so fustrating. i feel your pain and need help in that area!!

Allana - posted on 01/17/2010

my son has just turned 2 and he is a little man with a big attitude!!! sometimes i feel like ripping my hair out. i tried spanking but it didnt work either, i tried the naughty step but it only worked for a while now i threaten him with his favourite things, buzz and woody from toy stroy the film. i give him fair warning and if he dont take heid then i take them off him. he screams and cries but i just ignore him, soon enough he is saying sorry and behaving! takes alot of perseverence and it breaks my heart to see him cry like that but u have to be strong or they will walk all over u. hope it helps.

Jacqueline - posted on 01/17/2010

I would say time out ..for this to work you must decide what warrants time out ..and one thing i will say is that you have to stick to this riggidly so the pattern is imbellished in childs mind always warn child in three different tones of voice and tell them if they continue behaviour the consequence i then do 123 and its stairs for my madam -hard work and effort and it does pay off i am not saying your child will be an angel all time but they will know their boundaries ps i too had a daughter who had screams it worked 4 me i dont like smacking n no screams 4 nowt ..overall i have a nice child x

Karin - posted on 01/17/2010

hey,



we took a leaf out of supernanny's book. We ask our daughter to do something, if she doesnt do it, its down to her level and we give her a warning. If she still doesnt do as she is told then she goes in the naughty corner ... and she hates it there. She has to stay there for 4 minutes (one minute for every year and she is 4) and she is totally ignored while on there, if she moves she gets put straight back. afterwards we get down to her level explain why she was placed there and ask here to say sorry. when she does its a kiss and cuddle and everything is forgotten about. x

Aprilgischel - posted on 01/17/2010

my daughter was also very sensative...explain that is hurts your "ears" when he cries like that and that as rule behavior like that isn't acceptable in our house. If he wants something he should do .......(ie ask mommy without whinning)" Ignore everything else bc for sensative kids, Negative attention is STILL attention and that's what they are looking for so if you take away the attention until they behave in a way you want you are now back in control.

Helen - posted on 01/17/2010

my daughter has a count down. if she's not doing as asked we count 3, 2 (do you want mommy to get cross/smack your bottom/ put you on the naughty step, whatever applies) we give a moment for a reply and then 1 (and the sanction is applied). it took a while for it to settle in but we rarely get past 2 now. the important bit is that you're consistent, if you've threatened it you have to carry it out and not go down the 2, 2 1/4, 2 1/2 route because they know you're delaying and it's not going to happen. in addition to this, once what we've asked for is done we praise her alot. there's a cuddle and a discussion about how much nicer it is when she's good and we can cuddle.

Karen - posted on 01/17/2010

Quite honestly, I think you should speak to a child psychologist. Some of the behavior is very worrysome, particuarly since (1) You are having a hard time coping; (2) Some of the behavior is physically harmful to himself and to others (once he gets older and stronger) and finally, (3) highly socially inappropriate.

A professional of this type could give you tips and advice on how to react (or act) dependent on the specific situation, and teach your son through socially-acceptable coping techniques as well.

I offer you this advice as the mother of a child who greatly benefited from an intervention of this type... it was a LONG and tedious process, with many ups and downs, but finally we are "here" and my now 12-year-old is much more capable of facing the teen years (and all That drama!) with sucess vs. probably failure.

God bless you... good luck... be strong...

[deleted account]

As far as asking your son to do something, sometimes it helps to give them choices. When my daughter doesn't want to go upstairs to take a bath we say, "do you want to mommy to bring you upstairs or do want to walk all by your self?" Either way she has to go, but she thinks she is getting her way at the same time. Making your child feel like he has a say helps because he as the age of trying to find independence.

Rebecca - posted on 01/16/2010

I would take quick stock of how you behave infront of him -- do you listen? -- When he talks to you, do you look him in the eye, and make sure he knows that your priority is understanding him? Do you respond to his requests? I would suggest that you take the time that you need for yourself-- so that when you are together -- you can make him believe that he is the most important thing to you -- by physically and visually connecting with him...unless someone else takes care of your child -- he learned the "looks" from you. And if you stop what you are doing and watch the fit-- sometimes until you feel you can't sit there anylonger-- just hold him and value him and build him into the man you know he can be -- and value his emotional life listen to what sets him off and show him that there is a time and a place for it-- that he can as he gets older learn to manage his sensitivity and not be controlled by it, then it will free both of you -- and calm the whole home...I know this first hand -- it is an investment that you cannot afford to not make.

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My son cries too when I put him in time out so we have a rule that the time out clock can't start until he's quiet. It seems to work cause he always stops when I tell him that. It also helps with the hurt feelings if after he's served his time, you tell him Mommy loves you but this is why you were put in time out... He's still going to turn around and do the exact same thing again in 10 min no matter what you do, but I've noticed this does help with the crying and it works better than a spanking. My son is 5 now and spanking doesn't seem to phase him at all anymore. I hope this helps.

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What I do with my almost 3 yr old is I tell her what she is to do or not to do (Such as " Pick up your toys" ) then I give her one warning (Such as " You need to pick up your toys or you are going to the corner" ) I give her a few seconds to think about it and if she doesn't start to pick them up she will go to the corner for 1 minute per year she is and a half minute if she is 2 1/2 or 3 1/3, etc.. This seems to work for me. Just make sure you are consistent and you talk in a nice tone that still says I mean it.

Alison - posted on 01/16/2010

Consistency. Don't spank. Stick to the 1-2-3 Discipline method. When he acts out say "That's 1." Give him a minute to think about his actions, and if he continues his negative behavior, say, "That's 2." Give him a minute (or less) and if it continues say, "That's 3." Stay calm and say "I think you need a break" or "Time for a time out" or something like that and put him in time-out somewhere that does not have a lot of fun stuff around. If he repeats the behavior "5 minutes later", don't count again, just put him back in time-out. It can be very frustrating but after a few times, he will know you mean it and will stop. He is trying to be in control and that is your job. Don't try to reason with him - he is too young for that. Don't get angry and yell. He wants a reaction. Don't worry about his crying. He is ok. It is either that he realized that he is in trouble or that he is trying to manipulate you or that he is sorry and doesn't know how to say that...or many other reasons. It is ok. Just quietly take him to time out. It only needs to be for ~3 minutes (minutes=years). Good luck.