Idk what to do! Should i stay with their father?PLEASE READ!

Peggy - posted on 12/07/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Idk how to put all of this in a short way but I'll try. My daughter was 21/2 I had been asking if anyone has touched her because she said something odd. Turns out I just misheard her. But one night after this she told me"daddy touched my toot (vagina)"I told my husband about this and he was very upset and mad that I thought this happened. He ask our daughter if he touched her? She insisted "yes". The next day she said nobody has touched her. Another time she was outside riding a bike around my husband (her father) and his family. She came in the house with a packed diaper. I asked"why are you so red?" When I went to change her she was really red. She said"idk,the bike, then suck did" I tried to figure out if she ment "suck" but she kept saying "no" but kept repeating the word. I brushed it off. Recently (almost 4 now) she had a small bruise near her privates. It looked like she hit into something. I asked "how did you get that briuse?" She said" idk,I fell, you suck my toot(vagina) I think" I said "no I did not" later I asked" what sucking was? If anyone has sucked her ears?nose?eyes? And then I said anywhere else?" She seemed confused and told me "babies suck there thumb. And that nobody sucked her anywhere" her little brother sucks his thumb all the time. Another thing that happened (age 3) was she was playing with two dolls and said "their hanging out with their tounges out" I asked why? And if anyone has put their tounge on her anywhere?" She said"she didn't know why and yes someone did."then pointed to the doll and said "eyes,ears,mouth,nose,boobies,panties" so it seemed like maybe she was just trying to answer me. Because again she looked confused. So I brushed this off.maybe she was being silly. A week later she was sitting on the potty and said "I'm licking my toot(vagina)mommy" I asked if anyone did that to her?" She said"you did,daddy did,you did" it wasn't clear and it looked like she was just looking for a reaction. I called cps that day. Another thing that happened was after this I gave her a popcycle.I explained that was licking."has anyone licked you anywhere? " the only other one alone with her is her father so I asked "has dadyy licked you anywhere?" She said "no" a week later I was cleaning her with a wipe and she said"no daddy,no don't,just lick the popsycle" she said it like she was looking for a reaction again. I asked "did he do that?" She said "no" and walked away. Cps,doctors,therapy specialists with child behavior all say nothing happened. This is ruining my marriage and our family. Idk what to believe. Idk if I should take the kids from their daddy or work things out with him because their is no proof. I NEED help!?!? Everyone says she fine.why would she say this stuff? She likes to cuddle with her dad and she isn't afraid to be alone with him. She went through a time where she didn't want to cuddle with him around (age 2) but she stopped that. I figured it was a phase. But they get along great now. Please help!

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Casey Lynn - posted on 12/08/2012

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Children at that age will say just about anything, when you misunderstood her and started asking her questions she probably saw that it got your attention. The red tale was probably because she had a full diaper, if my daughter pees one time her butt gets red, she may just have sensitive skin. And if her daddy was doing things with her then he most likely made her promise not to tell mommy and she would be hesitant to tell you anything thinking he would be disappointed in her. I went through something like that with my neice but it wasnt sexual like that, but my sister got with this new guy when my neice was 2 and we were worried that he wasnt being good to her. We kept asking her and asking her questions about what goes on at home and it just confused her to the point where she would just say anything to see what our reaction would be and the things she said made no sense sometimes. that was over 3 years ago and my sister and the guy she was with is very happy together, and we were worrying for nothing. You are probably just confusing her, but you did take the right steps and that is awesome for you because not many women stick up for their children like that when it comes to a signifiant other. But if the doctors and everything says she is fine then I wouldnt worry so much. But if it would make you feel better then take her to counseling and see what they think.

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Gigi - posted on 12/08/2012

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It seems that the only thing that stands out in this situation is what she says. Maybe she heard these words somewhere else and is repeating them? And since you showed interest and asked her follow up questions, she might be repeating them to get attention. That said, we can't really help since I would think that it also depends on many other things that you can't really describe - the tone of her voice, her expression, her reaction to her father. Since you took her to the experts and they think she is fine, I would trust them - they are trained to recognise the signs.

I have no experience in these things so it is difficulut to judge, but if it was my child I would trust my instincts.

Ladii - posted on 12/07/2012

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i understand why this would bother you so much but i truly think he is just talking to talk you said yourself she said you licked her toot and you know you didnt maybe shes hearing things somewhere and repeating them maybe someone is watching something and she also sees and hears it and repeats things as for the bruise by her private i think since this is bothering you so much you are reading too far into things. if she sees happy and fine she is fine. if she starts acting funny then you can be concerned but kids say sill foolish things sometimes and if your instincts arent telling you 100% that she is being abused then she most likely is not. you know your child. we all know our children and our intuition never fails us. i say forget about it and stop stressing yourself over nothing cause at this point it seems to be based on nothing concrete

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