Mom of two 1/2 year old twin boys needs advice on discipline

Paula - posted on 06/16/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have 2 1/2 year old twin boys. They are adorable, smart, healthy and loving. But they are also driving me insane! They will NOT do what I tell them to. For example, today I tried to get them to take a nap. I rocked them, I sang to them, I rubbed their backs. Nothing. I yelled, I threatened, I begged, I conjoled. I cried. Nothing.
They will trot on into their room and lay down for the nanny but not for me! If I leave them in their room and just close the door for "quiet time", they trash the place - pulling the books off the shelves, the clothes out of the drawers, tearing off their diapers. I don't know what to do. I get so angry with them I am afraid I will hurt them. I don't believe in spanking but I have even done that once or twice (on the diaper padded behinds). And then I hate myself for breaking my own "no hitting" rule.
If I tell them not to do something, they will look right at me and then go do it. They broke the DVD player while I wasn't looking even though I have told them ten thousand times not to touch it.
I tell them not to hit each other or not to bite each other and they still do it. And yet they hug and play with each other all the time.
What do I do? How can I make them behave? How do I get the happy, affectionate little angels they are sometimes to be all the time? And what do I do about myself? How can I keep from getting so angry with them? I want to be the best mom I can be - not a yelling, screaming harpy. Help me please!

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Louise - posted on 06/16/2012

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Ok here goes! At 2.5 years old they do not need a day time nap. (I know it is a rest for you, but there body does not require a recharge over the age of 2). If it is a struggle to get them to go down then just give up on it and do something else instead. None of my kids had a nap after the age of two, if they did it made it impossible to get them to sleep at night.

As for disciplin the problem you have is that they have each other to egg on and get each other into trouble. Make a secure area in your house either their bedroom or play room and when you feel you are losing control put them in there and walk away for 5 minutes to regain control. I know what it is like to get to the point of a screaming sobbing mess. It does not get you anywhere but more upset and stressed. By leaving the room you are taking control of the situation.

Time out is difficult with two children naughty at the same time. Pck your fights carefully and let the minor stuff go or you will be trying to place them on the naughty chair all day long. Try and structure your day with an activity for them both in the morning and afternoon. Whether that means going to the park or playing ball in the garden, an activity led by you to wear them out. If you have more structure to your day the boys will react better. Also join a mums and tots group in the area to get out of the house and see other mums dealing with the same situations as you. You are not alone in feeling the way you do, we have all been there at some point in our lives. All I can say is it does get easier as they get older and able to understand that driving mum round the bend is not a good game!

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Patchjunior - posted on 03/03/2014

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I have the same prob wit my 3 yea boys its just impossible I'm at my wits end wit them they just won't listen too me at all I've tried everything time out slapping yelling noting works I cry myself asleep some nights because I feel I failed my kids I hate myself for getting so angry wit them :'( please any help would be gratefully appericate

Rebecca - posted on 04/15/2013

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I Too here your pain honey i have 2 1/2 year old twin boys too one is the ring leader and the other follows i feel i pick on the ring leader becuase he is always the one causing the drama. I be as hard as i can on both of them but it doesnt seem to be enough my husband is not always home but when he is he takes the ring leader on board and disciplines as much as he can as my son seems to listen to him alot more. The ring leader wont sleep through the day so we have quiet time, this is where i rest and get him to as well, bringing out blocks and books for just me and him to do together. Im noticing that he stays up so he can have that one on one time with me. I know how hard it is especially when people say getting them out the house some days i think thats worse just do your best i think this is all just testing the boundaries on mum. Ask for help from others if you can get time out TAKE IT, i believe a HAPPY mum is a GOOD mum dont ever feel bad. We were once children ourselves and now having our own you can understand your parents alot more. Good luck xoxo

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I have the same problem except I dont have true twins.....they are Irish twins the older is 3 1/2 and the middle child is 2 1/2 and my 8 1/2 month old son. The girls NEVER listen to me and I have to practically yell to get them to put there toys away or clean up their lunch, or not to hit the other one. Their new thing is to hang ALL OVER their little brother like hair in the face, leaning into him.I just don't know what to do. My oldest hasnt taken a nap in like forever & my middle takes naps sometimes but when she falls asleep its like 5 pm and then it's dinner time and bedtime is ALWAYS at 830 any later and all hell and crankiness break loose.

Now that its nicer weather I will be making a picnic lunch and walking to the park around 9-10am until whenever they want to go home everyday, since I don't have a strict schedule (I always try for one but I can never do it lol)

Like Louise said their room is like a chill room and I try to do the breathing technique, it has been working sometimes. Good luck

Bethany - posted on 06/16/2012

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oh n if all else fails would duct taping them to a chair be any help lol :)

Bethany - posted on 06/16/2012

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i feel your pain but by half my 28mth old son has been pushing every single button i could possibly think there was to push and more. tom usually has a daytime nap as he does need it due to his constant and i mean constant activities he usually only sits in front of the tv for 15 mins in the morning and in the arvo, but last weekend (we had a 3 day weekend) he didnt nap at all, but the result was he was asleep by 5:30 and he slept well both nights.
from what i have read and been told from all sorts of sources the behaviour they are displaying is very normal, discouraging to hear i know, but it must be so hard when there is 2 of them conspiring against you, the loving nurturer! with tom i have tried it all, i do "spank", usually a last resort and a tap on the nappy, but i have wanted to pick him up and throw him at a wall, i have a hallway that i have barricaded off with a safety gate and thats his time out and he know if all the doors are closed hes in trouble! i usually tell him off once n as he smirks at me and does it again i ask if he wants a time out if the answer is no then i tell him dont do it again or you will get one if he says yes, a common occurance, hes right into time out!
i'm sorry i dont have a better answer for you but think that you are doing everything right whilst facing an uphill battle!!

GOOD LUCK and remember to breath, also let them see ur upset so that they understand what it means ;)

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