Mothers who have been sexually abused as kids?

S. - posted on 08/08/2011 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I was abused from the age of 4-5 and then again when I was 10 years old. I had two abusers, a male and his teen daugher. I now have a 2 year old daughter who is my main priority in life, but I cannot even begin to explain how terrified and paranoid I am thinking that someone is going to abuse her the same way I was as a kid. It has ridiculously gotten to the point where I can't even let my husband (her own dad) bathe her, rock her to sleep, hug her because I begin to think what if?? And I start to question him. This is with everyone even my own sisters! I do not trust anyone in my mind I am always thinking what if?? I don't know what to do or why I am like this? I honestly love my daughter to death but I know this is not a healthy way to live.

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Sally - posted on 03/10/2012

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done the counseller bit but still find certain things a trigger, think they always will be. Yes i told my partner, best thing i did. He now understandx why i turn in to a wreak now and again and knows to leave me until i come down then he just holds me. So if you trust your partner tell them, if you can find the wordd to say ,write a letter. Id this at first cos i felt i could write anything but couldn't speak. It help but you have to be the one to decide if your ready to share.im here ido know. Please if you need pm but rem everything is your choice and you are in control. X

Tobiah - posted on 03/10/2012

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I was also abused as a child from 6-10 it was a family member and it is also hard for me to trust him around my son, and even start questioning men around me... I was wondering if you told your partner ... It's very hard for me to tell him as he is close to my abuser and I know it sounds bad but don't want to confuse things with the family.. I know what your going threw and I see a counselor and she has helped me tremendously. I highly recommend one.

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

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In the UK Its dark most of the time from oct onwards. I do really believe that lack of sunlight effects people(sad) i know when i have to spend the days with lights . I feel like my get up and go as got up and gone. Waking up to a bright morning always makes me feel more alive and i want to get on. I know a lot of people think its rubbish . I think it harks back to us being caveman/women when there was little hunting etc ,so we slept the cold dark winter montns to save energy, just like some animals do now. Im sure plenty of people would say rubbish, there is no reason to be like it now but i think for some anyway theres still that animal gene in there and kicks in. Maybe it a question to put on debating moms bet you would get a 50/50 .

Katherine - posted on 03/09/2012

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Oh in Moms who need to Vent, there's a Rant Room too.



Well ours must be coming up soon I hope. I hate the darkness so early!

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

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sorry can't help , am complete stupid when it comes to time diff etc. When i go on holiday i have to set my phone to auto change time. Wouldn't have clue otherwise. Im so thankful i can fly from one end of england to the other without going though time zones , like the states. Lol

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

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i will give it a go, im sure you right its just differcult when you starting out. I deff think it be a better place than mums of toddlers. Not the right place but didn't notice until a few mins ago. So see you there soon ,talking gibbish and drooling .lmao. I hope i haven't kept you up , its 6.15am here , boy am i going to feel like shite to-morrow. BUT on a good not im not drowning my sorrows with beer or wanting to do myself in. So thank you. X

Katherine - posted on 03/09/2012

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My community is EXACTLY the place where you can vent this kind of thing. And I'm sure that a lot of the woman there have been in your situation. I know of at least 2. But it's up to you. :)

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

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I think i already a member and i have vented but deleted because i wasn't sure it was the right place. It not a subject people are comfortable with,understandable. I just know i can't or not the only women here ,where it gets to much and you need to let go. Iv'e tried the writing down ,doesn't work you scribble and can't get your thoughts to-gether. Were as if you know someone is going to read it, you take your time and that in its self calms you. Not sure if im making sense. I just didn't want to offend or bore your members. Now im sure im not making sense.lol . You are a very nice , caring person and i thank you for the time you have taken, when you didn't need to. X

just realised i spelt your name with a c not a k. Im bad. Sorry

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

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your being very brave just by posting . I gald you responded, i don't feel like im alone. It would be great to get this up and running again . Not just for questions but just to have a safe place to vent when something sets off your triggers, to help you not exploded. Somewhere you know your not judged . I know i have triggers and because i can't vent i end up walking the house at all hours trying to makes sense of what going on in my head . When if i could just write it and know someone aknowledges my pain even with a hug. Its lets you know your not mad and not alone. So sending you a hug. X

Brittney - posted on 03/09/2012

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I was sexually abused from 3 til 12 years old, by the same man who was already considered an adult, he repeatedly touched and was always holding me down, even forced to sleep in his bed by his sister (who was my age). I was little and I didn't understand, when I was 7, I finally understood what was going on. I stopped contact with them and I never told anyone about it until my best friend from 7th grade asked me a random question, it had to do with sex. I didn't know how to answer her and so I told her the whole story. Once I told her, it was a load off my mind, then when I met my husband (friend at the time) I told him, then I began to share my story with people I barely knew. It opened peoples eyes that this kind of thing was happening to very young girls, in there own homes.



When my daughter is older, I'm going to tell her that it isn't right for people to touch there and if she ever feels uncomfortable then to tell someone she trusts or an older adult.

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

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yes, i just noticed.lol. guess its such hard subject to talk about. I think the problem is that some people don't want advice,something happens to trigger things and they just want a place to open up ,so they don't hit the bottle etc. they just need some hugs. I really really wish it was talked about more openly, the amount of men and women i know who have been effected is staggering. but its still treated as a dirty little secret.any ho thank you. I will leave you in peace enjoy your weekend

Katherine - posted on 03/09/2012

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Good, I'm glad. Make sure the posts are up to date too. Sometimes people haven't posted in a year in some of these groups.

Katherine - posted on 03/09/2012

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Sally,



You can make your own group on CoM or search for a group under my communities.

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

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can i join pleased id really like to be among people that understand. if theres not a group would you help me start one. there are a lot of women on here that could do with somewhere to talk but im just finding my way around so not sure where to start. pm if if you wish or answer me here, i refuse to be ashamed anymore. sorry if im in the wrong place but thank you for listening

Catina - posted on 08/15/2011

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I was sexually abused from the time I was 4 to almost 6. My babysitter had an older son who was my abuser. I fear that the same will happen to my 2 year old. I know I can trust our family, but I still fear it everyday. I will not put her in daycare or hire a babysitter because you never know. I believe along the other moms that the best way to move forward is to talk with someone who can guide you through it. I know I still jave.a long ways to move forward myself, but everyday is a new page that we build upon. I wish you the best!

Kareen - posted on 08/14/2011

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have you tried counselling, someone to talk to? i was also abused as a kid and now have 2 of my own and i totally understand your fears i do battle with the same thoughts often, but what i hold strong is that i am not gona let the past destroy my now and my future, i focus on being strong and positive and i refuse to give my abuser power over me and that point takes time and every day is new! i hope that you find someone to talk to it will help you deal with the past and in a little way it will release, most of all hold on to your belief in you!!

Katherine - posted on 08/13/2011

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Yes, therapy and support groups. You will not get through this on your own.

Kimberly - posted on 08/12/2011

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I agree with Jamie you need to see someone who can help you. I'm very sorry for the abuse you suffered. Abuse is something that you will never get over or forget but you can learn to get by it and not let it take more then it already has from you. You love your daughter and your fear is very real but please dont let your past destroy your future as well. Its hard to get through but you can do it. Good luck

Annabutton - posted on 08/11/2011

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First off I'd like to say I am very sorry that you had this happen to you. Second, because you are here searching for answers it means you are looking for help. The problem is no one can help you as well as a professional can. They can help you learn how to deal with how you are feeling and help you find a way to heal. Once you find a way to help yourself, then you might not be so paranoid about your daughter.



Jamie

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