My 15 month old won't let me cuddle her or hold her to read a book?

[deleted account] ( 16 moms have responded )

Every time I hold my daughter while rocking her to read a book she screams to get down...then I sit on the floor with her and read the book but she is off doing her own thing not even caring about it..should I continue to read her books even is she isn't paying attention? I admit I didn't read to her often as a baby..so I'm not sure if that has something to do with it..



Also, she won't ever let me cuddle her...every time I try to just hold her and love on her she cries..like she feels I'm trapping her. She doesn't like people holding her arms or legs either. When I try to show her how to clap or anything she gets really irritated and pulls her arms away. When she is upset and crying, she will let me love on her for a few minutes but only if I'm standing..if I sit she will cry harder.



Is this normal for a 15 month old to be doing?



Even when she was a little newborn she hated being swaddled..she would SCREAM. But as a newborn she loved being held. But now she will only let me hug her for a split second before trying to get away from me :(

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Karenda - posted on 06/06/2012

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My girls are not big cuddlers either. As a toddler my oldest girl would not let us direct her hands ever to teach her a new skill. The only time she would let us touch her hands as a toddler was crossing the street because we insisted even if she cried the whole way across. Just about the only time my youngest will consent to be held is when she first wakes up and is sleepy. I wouldn't worry too much both kids have gotten a lot better as they have gotten older. If you are really worried you might want to look into sensory-processing disorders - some kids with these disorders perceive touch as painful

Corrina - posted on 11/15/2012

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I have a friend who has a little girl. She wouldnt smile, laugh or look at you. She wouldnt let anyone hold or cuddle her. She hated other kids, they took her to the Dr and they said not to worry. They decided to try playschool when she was 2. After around 3 months she started bringing things to her mom and showing SOME affection. 6 months after she is smiling at you, playing with other kids and laughing. KIds go through phases.

Heidi - posted on 11/14/2012

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Some kids are more cuddly than others and some go through phases. My son wasn't all that cuddly but did like being in the baby carrier (only when he was facing out though). Now at 2 and a half, we sometimes have 10 minutes when he's going to bed of him saying "cuddle mummy", I run in and give a cuddle, lay him back down again (repeat again, and again...) So I'd go with what she wants now, she might be happier later or she might just want to be cuddled in a different way. I think my son and I first got into it when I realised that if I sat crossed legs on the floor, he quite liked to sit on my lap.



Personally I'd also keep reading to her. I'm quite lucky that my son loves books but it will be good for her later to have that interest. Maybe to keep her focused you could look at books with more things to touch, move, make a sound etc? She might be just someone who needs a bit more interaction at this age but it doesn't mean that she won't settle down and read in the future so I'd keep trying.

Julie - posted on 11/13/2012

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My son is exactly the same. He wont let me cuddle rock or comfort him when he's sick or upset. It's very upsetting at times and people that see this think he's just hyper. I think the key to changing this is just persevere or if your worried talk to your health visitor. I have every sympathy for you it is so hard. x

[deleted account]

I mean she cuddles and stuff when she's in the mood but like if she's playing and I pick her up to hold her she'll want down to keep playing..and when reading a book she just doesn't like to be held. She likes to be cuddled only if I'm standing usually if I try sitting and snuggling she doesn't like it..if she gets hurt, is crying, or tired she'll let me snuggle on her for a bit. She's not autistic.. it's just she's more interested in exploring than cuddling right now..which I guess I can understand if was a little toddler I wouldn't want to be held captive ..I'd want to have fun. She's just a little independent lady. Thanks for the help everyone :)

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Candice - posted on 10/31/2012

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My daughter is 14 months and she is the same way her older sissy is the opposite, she acts like we are a bother

Angela - posted on 06/12/2012

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as for the reading, ignore your little one and read the book to yourself, aloud or to yourself, they will either get curious or they will want to join in...mind you if your reading aloud they will be listening even if it doesn't look like it, great multitaskers are those beautiful bundles of joy..lol

Angela - posted on 06/12/2012

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my son started on that path but with kissing too, so i made it a game, every time i got a cuddle i cheered ''best hug/kiss ever!! yeyh!!'' he has been grand since then. almost everything is normal for a baby who is finding their way in the world, but i also agree that it may be a medical cause, so check with your dr/health professional. never hurts to air your concerns with them. :o)

Bethany - posted on 06/09/2012

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oh hun that must be hard for you... i have a very affectionate 28 mth old n he loves his cuddle n kisses, but i can completely relate to the story thing ecxept mine will sit on my lap as long as i dont read the story, he will usually read me the book and make up his own stories :( tom is a hugely active toddler and is just starting to learn emotions so if he hits it makes mummy sad and to make mummys happy he has to say sorry and a kiss better, but like i said hes been very affectionate and will cuddle n kiss everyone (even the other kids at day care which can be a huge issue in its self) dont stress she just be learning about her personal bubble n im sure the cuddling could start soon.
i was also wondering if you and partner/ other family members are openly affectionate toward each other? i find if i cuddle up with daddy on the lounge i have a toddler in our laps with in seconds wanting in on the action!

Deanna - posted on 06/08/2012

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Have you talked to her doctor about it? It sounds a bit like my nephew who is Autistic.

Jessica - posted on 06/07/2012

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My daughter has never been a big cuddler either...when she feels like it though is when I get my cuddle time. When a toddler is on the move, there is no stopping them. I try to get my cuddle time with her right before nap time when she is sleepy. I have noticed that the more I try to do it, the more she is wanting to. Dont give up, she love's you and as long as she knows you are there for her when she needs you, she will give you her time =)

Suzanne - posted on 06/07/2012

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My daughter was exactly like that with physical contact at the same age. My son, 3 years old was a very affectionate child so we were surprised that she didn't like hugs or cuddles and kept brushing us off. When she was 25 months old however, she underwent an overnight transformation and now constantly climbs on us, hugging and kissing my husband and I at every opportunity. It's been 5 months now with our "new child" and she needs no encouragement to show affection. I suspect the change may have been because she overheard us talking to friends about how she wasn't very affectionate compared to her brother, but whatever the reason, it's been a lasting change. I hope your daughter becomes more comfortable with cuddles too.

Michelle - posted on 06/06/2012

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My daughter hates being held as well, she also hated being swaddled. She is 2 and we have to encourage her to come to us if we want big cuddles (or in her words cuggles) we just get down on her level open our arms and ask for cuddles and she'll come give us a big one, we taught our daughter to clap by getting her to copy us while we did it as she is high spirited and likes to do things herself.

Candy - posted on 06/06/2012

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Keep reading to her, if just in the same room. It may be that she is too busy to stop and cuddle. Mention it to your doctor at your next visit. Not to alarm you, but watch for signs of autism, Aspergers, ADHD, etc.
My sons used to be like that too, now they LOVE to read, but they also have ADHD. It's a mixed blessing.

Amanda - posted on 06/06/2012

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My son is 32 months old, and he has NEVER sat still for me or dad reading him a book. He will look at the pictures for a few minutes, but if I start to read the words on the page he becomes upset. Additionally, my son has never liked feeling trapped. He sliced his finger open and had to get stitches when he was about 15 months old, and the worst part for him was us holding him down. I think your daughter is behaving normally. Many people will tell you to still read to her; I say keep the books out, and open them around her. Show her how interested you are, even if you don't 'read'.

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