My 2 year old hates my new bf

Ashley - posted on 07/02/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I have been single mother to my two year old son and am now seeing a new boyfriend for the last three months. My son is so used to only me and now every time hes around my bf hes clingy and refuses to be more of an arm length away from me which is not normal for him. If i leave the room he follows if i go to grab a jug of milk from the store he screams till i get back. My boyfriend is really trying he trys to play with him get him what he wants but my son wont except anything from him. What can i do my boyfriend thinks he hates him but i think its just because hes not used to anyone but me especially a man. My bf has a two year old daughter but she has no problem with me shes the opposite where shes always near me and asks me for stuff and thats hard because he dosent understand why dev wont except him. Any idea what we can do this cant stay like this there both miserable and it hurts me to see my family so turned up.

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Samantha - posted on 07/03/2010

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I have been in this exact same position, my son was almost 2 and he would scream if i left the room or if my boyfriend put his arm round me or anything, just encourage them to do more together, your son will get use to him, my little boy and partner are inseperable now, it took them nearlly 6 months, so just hang in there.

Kali - posted on 06/14/2012

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I have the same problem. My son just turned two and I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. My son will follow me around Everywhere and will wine and cry if my boyfriend gets close to him. My boyfriend will babysit him while at work and claims he does a lot better when I'm not around at all. My boyfriend still continues to try do things with him to spike his interest but we find a lot of difficulty. My son clearly does better with the family when we are outside. I recommend using this summer as we are, as a sort of therapy for him by bringing him outside with the whole family many times to show him the fun we can have. He already seems to be improving. One thing that helps me get through this is reminding myself tht when he can talk it will be a lot easier on everyone.

User - posted on 07/07/2011

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Ashley D, if u r still having this issue, I WOULD LOOOOVE TO EMAIL U TO TALK ABOUT IT FURTHER...??? We cud exchange ideas!!! I have sooo much I want to write to let u know what I've tried so far..reply n let me know if u'd like to correspond, then we can just delete our responses with the email addresses if u like!!?? If not, NO WORRIES EITHER!!!

Theresa - posted on 10/04/2011

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hi.i have the same problem nd it get discouraging.shell go to her fathers parents ndcome back with the worst attitude nd will hardly let him by her. weve also been together 3 months jus make sure he doesnt give up on the child.nd like the person said dont give him attetion evertime hes mean cause to a toddler sometimes any attentions good attention.lemme know if u found out nething new that works.im still strugglung

Raynae - posted on 07/08/2011

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My daughter was around a year when my boyfriend and I had gotten together, she is now 2 1/2. I wouldn't say that she hated my boyfriend but she was definitely not liking our affection towards eachother. She was always trying to get in the middle of us. We basically just let her work it out on her own, it took a while, maybe almost 6 months before she was completely comfortable. We now are a family of four, he treats her as his own, and she loves him to death. I say have your boyfriend bring him suprises every once in a while and continue to try and play games with him, and just give it time, if he is a good guy then things will work out.

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User - posted on 07/07/2011

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OMG!!!!! It's sooo amazing to hear there's someone else in the world going thru what I'm going thru, no matter how FAR U R AWAY!!!! This is the most stressful thing I HAVE EVER BEEN THRU, worse than quitting drinking n getting out of debt! It's LIFE CHANGING N HEART WRENCHING!!!! In the end, I KNOW that Rachelle Nolen is RIGHT BEYOND A shodow of a doubt bcu I been there too! HOWEVER!! It's sooo different when it's YOUR OWN BABY!!! It's soo hard not to get hurt, frustrated, worry, panic, it's one of those situation (all ideas r HELPFUL BUT this Is my opinion) unless u're GOING THRU IT, IT'S SOMETHING THAT I AM beginning to see here, no one can really understand unless u're going thru it!!!! No ones comments here r to hurt or upset anyone I'm sure, but it's a difficult situation! I have asked my Mother n two others who say, we should just COMPLETELY IGNORE the 2year olds behavior so she knows it's not something she's going to get attention for! My boyfriend just BOUGHT US A HOUSE SO THEY MUST SEE EACH OTHER EVERY MORNING N ALL DAYYYY Tuesdays LOL!!! The moat important thing is to have my boyfriend NOT TAKE IT PERSONAL! Reminders that he's the adult n baby's only been here on this planet TWO YEARS POOR THING, IMAGINE HER FEAR IS VERRRY REAL!!!!!! All I know is I'm trying something new everyday n my boyfriend says his life is now like movie "50 FIRST DATE" cuz at night she's fine Tuesdays, then MORNING, He has to make her love him all over again!! Which sounds funny BUT, I CAN HEAR HIS PAIN,FRUSTRATION N real hurt, it's as real as babies fear n socit puts Mom in quite the position..ignoring seems to be the answer among mothers around me but I'm not sure I'M STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!!!! Imagine, is baby strong enough for that then????

Sami - posted on 07/04/2010

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i dont have any advice but when i was two my mum started to see a new guy too, i hated him and even used to slam the door in his face when he came to visit. Eventually i got to know him and ended up having the best relationship with him and i couldnt ask for a better step dad. Obviously this might not help too much but i hope it does show you not to give up because it may just turn out to be perfect!

Ashley - posted on 07/03/2010

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Thank u so much. There is hope lol i wasent sure if it was normal or not and i was worried. But thank u soo much for the encouragement it just made me feel like i shouldent even try to date and that i was hurting my son trying and i should just give up but i no that its good for a boy to have a good male around to show him the ropes but im going to keep trying and hope for the best. When my bf is not around my son asks for him and points to his pic on the fridge lol but when he is around it gets a lot harder.

MaryLou - posted on 07/03/2010

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Your son has competition,plain and simple. He had you for two years, now he has to share you. Have you tried talking to him? If that doesn't work, why not do family things with your bf and his daughter. Show him what it can be like. But pls don't give up on dating. Your son isn't always going to like your boyfriends, and he has to understand and learn that you are entitled to love and a life. Good luck!

Ashley - posted on 07/03/2010

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First off my son does come first and always will not sure why u thought he dident which is why i was asking for advice i was explaining my boyfriends side so u would no he was trying. I spend the entire time my boyfriend is around playing with my son as always. Anyway i was hoping someone else has gone through this with there kids at an early age to give me suggestions on how they mixed there family and what worked and dident.

Jessica - posted on 07/02/2010

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I would be more worried about my son rather than my boyfriend. Sorry. I'm not trying to be mean. But he's only 2 years old and it's been just you & him. You have only been with your boyfriend for 3 months. That's not very long. Especially to a baby/toddler. All he (your son) knows is that there's this stranger hanging around. He doesn't understand. Be patient with him. Don't get frustrated or impatient. Comfort him and be there for him. Maybe he'll come around. Just cause your boyfriend's daughter is comfortable with you doesn't mean your son should be fine with your boyfriend. All little ones are different, ya know? Your boyfriend is a grown up. He'll be fine. Focus on your kiddo. :) Good luck!

Rachelle - posted on 07/02/2010

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These are just my thoughts as I have no experience with this first hand, but I am going to tell you what I felt when I first read your post.

I couldn't hang with a guy that my kids didn't like. I mean, yeah maybe it is the whole stranger anxiety thing. Maybe it is the fact he's had to you all to himself for 2 years and doesn't want to share you. Maybe offer him more attention when your guy is over. Not ignoring him (not saying that you do, but ya know?) I dunno, tough situation.

I will tell you this. Kids are good judges of character. They see good and bad, black and white. If after 3 months of knowing him *don't know how long he's actually known your little man*, your little dude doesn't like new guy, maybe he never will.

Just my two cents, and not meaning to offend.

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