My 5 year son is no intense and gets so angry whenever things don't go his way. What can I do to teach him that's not how to react/

Lisa - posted on 01/27/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My 5year old son is awesome, but he's either amazing or way opposite, but rarely in between. It seems that over the past few months he has begun getting irrate whenever things don't go his way; with toys, me telling him no, me telling him to do something it doesn't matter. It's not a tantrum persay, but such intense anger and yelling at me. How do I stop this? I've tried time out, talking to him, soap in his mouth... I'm out of ideas.

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Tess - posted on 11/13/2012

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I really liked Maureens post, I also have a raging 5 year old boy. He just talking back, doesnt want to listen when asked to do the simplest things and he seems change 'currency' every 5mins! He talks back to his teacher as well.

He is getting better but when I'm stressed out I notice he is much worse, he reflects me and my behaviour alot so I am trying really hard to keep myself in check which is very hard sometimes!



I have found using a oven timer works really well for getting things done eg. 'timer is on, you have 30mins to get dressed and have a wash' if he does it in time he gets a star on his chart and a reward if he gets 4 in a week, if not no star. I find it keeps my stress levels down because I am not shouting all the time to hurry up (he does it quickly to beat the timer). Also the tv goes off in this time. He hated that at first then he got over it. I have started doing it during shower time and anything else that he mucks around doing.



I think I will try Maureens suggestion for the talking back -just have to find the right currency sigh!

Kelly - posted on 01/29/2009

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It is so nice to know we are not alone. Reading these posts makes me feel better, even when no advice is given it helps me to know I am not the only one going through this. It also helps to step back and take some time for yourself, it helps to "refresh" your spirit and approach the problem with better clarity and less emotion. Keep firm!! Good Luck!!

Missy - posted on 01/27/2009

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My daughter is the same way. We looked into the possibility of ADD or ADHD and decided to change her diet. We have researched it and have cut her sugar and her biggest trigger is red dye which is in almost everything. Once I curbed her intake of those things she is a different kid. Her grades came back up and we got out sweet Gracie back. My cousin also had this problem with his 5 year old boy. They put him on a gluten free diet and the difference in him is amazing.. I am all for drugs if the kids really need them, but I also believe in exhausting all other options first. Hope this helps.

[deleted account]

This is normal especially for a boy. Boys are going to push the limit till they get their way.  You are the parent. You must step up each time the behavior is innappriate. Set your child down in a chair and calmly explain to your child why the behavior or action is innappropriate in such a way they can understand. After you have "the talk" you must say this is your "first warning" then say,  "If this happens again today then the next step is time out or a spanking or you lose a priveledge".  Also, following these steps is a must...consistency and regimen is what children need. However, is this behavior continues in school or gets worse even after following these steps consistenly on a daily basis...you may want to take your child to get him checked for a mood disorder/ADD/ADHD....my son did this and we had no idea and finally figured out he has ADHD.  The medicine he is on works wonders and no more outbursts.  However, this is an exception to your case but I thought I'd throw that in there just for you to keep in the back of your mind for future reference. Good Luck to you!!

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Kerri - posted on 01/28/2009

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Wow-I'm the same way that Kelly is!!  It's like I'm reading into my own life, with the exception that the one throwing the tantrums is my 4 year old daughter.  Sometimes they get so out of control that I feel like I'm going to burst instead of her!  I have to just sit with her in her room and hold her down in my lap with her kicking, shoving, hitting, slapping, punching, biting and most of all screaming at me at the top of her lungs.  I end up sitting there holding her for up to 4 hours and crying my eyes out because I don't know what to do.  The doctors say that its normal and in time it will pass but they never give me any ideas on how to help.  I'm just as desperate as you are!  So if you've found anything at all that works please do share with me!!  I'm very anxious to find ways around fighting her tantrums....because she's having them 2 to 4 times a day and they all last at least 2 hours long if not 4 hours long, so you see...I'm DESPERATE for any help!!!

Marcie - posted on 01/28/2009

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My one year old is already displaying tantrums and fits if he isn't given what he wants, so I went to the book store despret for answers and bought a book called, "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" It refers to children as primates and gives suggestions on how to communicate with them. So far, it is working for me.

Lisa - posted on 01/28/2009

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Thanks for all the help! My doctor laughed at me when I asked about ADD or ADHD and said he's nowhere near that... guess it's alot boy and maybe some food. I looked all his favorites and the red dye. Wow! I'm going to watch the red dye and see what happens! Wish me luck!

[deleted account]

Is your son good at expressing how he is feeling? We had to teach our oldest to put a name with the feeling rather than just explode. Like say to him, I can see you are___ (angry, sad, upset) let's talk about it. My son will now come to me and say "I am so angry" and we can talk out why he feels that way. It has really helped the tantrums. 

Kelly - posted on 01/27/2009

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Wow my 5 year old just started kindergarten and used to be so sweet, sounds like I'm reading my own story. They are probably testing us and have to "behave" all day at school and come home and let it all out. Stand your ground. Good Luck.

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