My almost 5 year old meeting her biological dad for the first time....what do I say????

Lisa - posted on 05/08/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My daughter will be 5 on June 17th. Her biological father has not seen her since she was 4 months old. I started dating a guy when she was 7 months old and we got serious. He asked could she call him daddy and I agreed that would be ok. We stayed together for 4 years and she knew him as her daddy. My daughter loved him and called him her daddy but there really was never a father daughter bond between them. We broke up last summer and my daughter and I moved out and he moved on dating other females he put my daughter on the back burner which has caused my daughter to have some harsh feelings towards him. I have never talked bad about him in front of her so her opinion of him has been created all on her own. She does not want to talk to him on the phone or even see him so I don't make her. I have finally told him to just leave her alone and stop playing with her head. In the mean time her biological father, who is incarcerated, has contacted me and wants to be in her life when he is released in July of this year!!!!! YIKES, I don't know what to do. He has said he is changed and he wants to be there for her and that he has realized what he has missed out on. He has been incarcerated for almost 4 years. We have talked about the situation and both know it will take some time to even let her know he is her biological father but WHEN WILL I KNOW ITS THE RIGHT TIME????? I am going crazy

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Kensleigh - posted on 05/09/2014

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Ouch that's a hard one. I would first talk with him several times and make sure it is completely okay for him to meet her again and that he has really changed. Make it known to him the previous situation and warn him that she is going to have her guard up because of the previous father figure that has walked out on her life and make sure he is in it for the long haul before they get involved. I would also talk to your daughter about her having a real dad and maybe show her pictures of him and if possible show her pictures of them together when she was just a baby. I wouldn't let her know where he has been the last four years because I think that should be a conversation for when she's older. You don't want her to have a negative opinion about him before she even really meets him. But with him being her biological dad, I don't think you have to worry about them never having a father daughter bond because it's already going to be there. I'm glad he at least wants to meet her though and realizes his mistakes. Once again I would just make sure he is in it for the long haul if he wants a relationship with her

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Autumnandlilly - posted on 09/11/2015

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I'm going through the same thing. My daughter is 3 and my fiancee has been in her life since she was 6 months. We just went through child support but I haven't told her who her real dad is. So now I decided to go down to wear he lives to go see my dad (there in missouri and top it off baby daddy mommy married my uncle so yeah...) now that we're going I don't know how to explain to a 3 year old an half between her real daddy ( my fiancee) and her father. Can anyone help?

Another thing I need advice on is I kinda want to move out there because I live with my mom and her husband. It's just stress in the house and fighting and it's not a healthy environment. But when I mention this to my fiancee I don't feel like he is all on board with this. I try to talk to him and he agrees quickly. All his family live here in cali and his cousin just moved near us so I can understand why he wouldn't want to go. I'm hoping by visiting he could see what missouri is and my family out there and baby daddy. He does joke around about me and baby daddy getting together and I feel that's a big scare for him. Can anyone help on this before I go visit.

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