My almost four year old daughter has been having crying spells alot lately to where I can't calm her down. Help

Amy - posted on 09/30/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My daughter is almost 4 years old and the past month she has been having extremely bad crying spells in the afternoon and at night to where nothing i do calms her down. I feel like calling 911 and asking for help! It can be something minor or when she doesn't get her way or at bedtime or when she is made to do something she doesn't want to do. She starts crying and then anything you say to her just makes her cry worse until she literally can't calm herslef dowm and starts whaling. this goes on for about 10 to 15 minutes at least. I don't know what to do. Am I doing something wrong. Why is she getting so extremely upset. It is really overwhelming me to the point at which I amm just passive if she refuses to do something i ask because I know it may upset her. And this is the wrong approach. She can't wait til her dad comes home and he works very long hours and is tired whenhe gets home so he doesn't have tht excitementin himthat she does and doesn't spend the rest of his few hours solely with her and i know it hurts her feelings. he may even get onto her and this hurts her feelings worse. she then goes to her room and lays on the other side of the bed on a pillow and i go checkon her and she ask me me to lay on the floor with her and talk. and she talks about him hurting her feelings and other things. that is her private spot she goes when she is upset. I talk to her and try to make her feel better but my husband doesn't come in there and check on her which I know she wants him to do. I think that is selfish and unthoughtful of him because she asks when hes going to be home all day long and whn he does get home he snaps at her or doesnt give heer his full attention. I feel sorry for her but i can't make him act different. Ive talked to him but he is a man with not many emotions and she is a little girl with alot of emotion. What should I do. i feel like I'm raining her on my own emotionally and he isn;t considering her feelings at all. Why is she withdrawing or crying so mcuh lately. I can't take it much more. Ive tried everything to get her to stop and she can't. i feel like I'm failing as a mom or she expects more of me ten i am giving. Please give me some help about what to do. And talking to my hussband is out of the question, Ive tried over ten times and he doesn't care and won't attempt to change his ways.he is 52. I am 39.

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Sarah - posted on 10/01/2012

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There are a few things that might be going on. First one I would look at is is she overly tired? I know I get more emotional when I am tired. She might be going through a growth spurt and needing more rest. Try having some down time in the afternoon where she plays in her room quietly or watches a movie on the couch without talking or moving around. Maybe having an ealier bedtime.....not saying she still won't fight it as I think this is just in each child's job description :).



The second thing I would look at is are you feeding into the emotion? Sometimes asking the questions or talking about things feeds into the tantrum. I am not saying you should not have an open lines of communication....just have to pick a time when emotions are not flying to have that conversation. Here are my rules....if I ask you to do something and you don't ....you get a warning. If you still don't obey you get a time out. Time out is done where there are no people, toys, tv, or things that can be made into toys. While in time out I do not communicate with you...no matter if you are talking to me or not. You are allowed to cry in time out, but if you start to scream or cry very loudly for attention you are the picked up and put into your room....I DO NOT SAY A WORD. You are then allowed to come out of your room when you have calmed down AND are willing to do what I asked you to do. When they realize that no one is going to pay attention to them when they act like that it is funny how fast it stops. I have a 11 year old daughter that still to this day if you feed into the emotion it only gets worse. Girls are drama and the drama only changes as they get older. If you feed into that drama you only get a situation with even more drama. Girls can also be moody....and this only becomes worse as they get to the teens. Sometimes it is better to give them their space....this might be something your husband has realized over the years :)

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Katherine - posted on 10/01/2012

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Well.....maybe counseling is in order. This sounds kind of serious. Is your daughter eating enough? I find that if mine don't they get that way. I mean they get that exact same way. When they're over tired also. My LO is 3.5, and she has tantrums but is a happy little girl otherwise. Like I said the only time she isn't is when she needs to eat.

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