My childs father/my exhusband left us a second time, what do i do with his things?

[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )

My boyfriend, who is my exhusband and I have been together six years but divorced for a year. We have only been back together 10months and he walked out the night before Valentines Day. He broke up with me on the phone and he is 31 yrs old! Anyways he came to get his clothes that night and kiss our baby goodbye, asked if i needed anything and grabbed a handful of bills he said hed pay. I havent a job, ive been home doing online classes to finish my BA to be a Kindergarten teacher. I have some student loan money coming for living expenses but Im staying in our apartment as i had to move her so many times when she was little after our divorce and he not helping. So, i text him asked him if he needed anything else from the apartment, he said the rest of his things. I told him okay and let me know when. Thats been a week now, i want his clothes and things gone but dont want to throw them out as i have to be nice this time around if i want him to help pay the bills until i get situated,but dont want to be under his thumb. So, do i box up his things and leave them outside, or just leave them as they are and let him come back and get them himself?

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Amy - posted on 02/19/2012

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Box them up and stick them in a room or corner, do not put then outside or else you could be setting yourself up for a lawsuit! Yes it sucks that he's left you again but don't make a bad situation worst. Look into laws in your area about property abandonment and how long you have to wait. You may have to send him a certified letter informing him of your plans, but if his name is on the lease and he's still paying technically his stuff has a right to be there until he stops paying. Good luck!

April - posted on 03/03/2012

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When my ex left, he wanted his things too, but wouldn't come after them. I picked a day, boxed everything up, and hauled them to his mother's place. I left everything on their front porch while they were all gone... never heard from him again. As far as I know, he got his things. I could've got alot of money off his things (he was a musician), but I chose to be the "nice ex". Best wishes.

Resa - posted on 02/19/2012

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I would just leave his things alone. He is doing you nice by letting you have a place to live afterall. His things lying around is a small price to pay.

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Julie - posted on 10/31/2012

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Precious renee -



Call your State's Child Support Enforcement Bureau and ask for, then file papers... he is not in trouble, rather THEY will make sure you get the deserved child support -



Kindly place hs things in a box or a grabage bag and hide them from your view until he comes... and then nicely return them - You will have no regrets on either issue!



♥ love that baby

Julie - posted on 03/06/2012

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Never do anything you would regret... putting his things outside and they may get stolen, right?



Pack them up and let him come ge them...



DO NOT ask questions - it may hurt your heart more than you deserve... just let him go ♥



BEEN THERE DONE THAT

Resa - posted on 03/06/2012

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It depends on the custody arrangement. He has rights to his children so you would have to discuss leaving town with him, before you just left town with the children. I would go wherever you can and apply for as much state aid as you can since you can't afford the living expenses and child expenses, I would apply for income based housing, food assistance, and other things so that can aid you until you get on your feet. No one wants to be a bum and be on welfare, but you should be able to support your family. Without having the time to find a job because you can't afford child care, this wont be possible. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride temporarily and take help wherever you can find it until you become stable enough that you no longer require help.

[deleted account]

he has offered to pay the rent and bills here til our lease is up in july. which is very nice but what he promised me too when i was pregnant and we divorced. that lasted til he found a new gf and he couldnt think on his own or hold up his promises. im nervous i will be out on the streets or homeless. i had to move too many times before becuase there was a waiting list for daycare assistance and out of p ocket it would cost about 600 a month. im trying to finish my online BA degree witht he university here and i would need to find another 20/hr job to pay daycare and bills if he flakes out on me. its so scary. jobs in my area are hard to find for that much an hour. since he left feb 13 he has seen our daughter two hours as of last night. he comes to bring diapers and money and stays for alittle bit. his day off sundays, are prob spent recovering from the night out before. he is 31 yrs old and has four kids. our little one is only two and she cries so sadly when he leaves. im fine the whole time he is here no feelings at all. but when she cries when he leaves breaks my heart because she is gonna grow up like this with him leaving her. she going to wonder why. i want to just move away from here, him or his whole family dont visit and all my family are out of state. i love it here but havent any friends but theres so much more to do here than back where i lived. i wonder if i should just move back home to be close to my family and grandmother and cousins. the only interact we have with ppl is church on sunday and her mothers day out program two days a week. what should i do?

**Jackie** - posted on 03/05/2012

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yikes. sounds like his loss. good luck, Renee! I am sure I speak for everyone here when I say we are here for you! Whether it be to vent or listen or to smack some sense into you lol jk. hang in there

[deleted account]

ya hes been gone since the day before valentines day and hasnt been back but once when i told him i hadhis stuff, oh and once to see our baby.

**Jackie** - posted on 03/05/2012

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If he's like my friend's ex, he's waiting for you to trash them or do something to them like pouring bleach on them. Just be very careful. He might be testing you. As the others said, just pack them up. That way he's not roaming the house looking for his stuff and taking your stuff and stirring the pot. You can leave the boxes in a hallway so that he doesn't have to go in your bedroom.



Good luck!

Nicky - posted on 02/21/2012

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Box them up and drop them off to him, If he doesnt want to take the time to get them so they are out of your way. Or wait 30 days after 30 days they belong to you.. donate it to charity!! I went through this with an ex.. he left his $400 golf clubs at my house and never came to get them so after the 30 period i gave them to a good friend that golfed. After that he called me wanting them, i told him it was too late, they are gone! But do what feels right to you.

Tricia - posted on 02/21/2012

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Definitely pack his things up and put them to one side, and tell him to please pick them up. Do NOT forget that he left YOU, and you don't owe him anything, he is not being nice to you about anything. If he walked out, he doesn't have any legal right to the apartment. You should also be getting alimony from your divorce as well as child support.

[deleted account]

hes coming in the morning, i just want it to be quick so its getting everything before he goes to work. id ont feel sad, thats the thing, we dont really do things together anymore so him not being here isnt that hard and thats sad.

Resa - posted on 02/19/2012

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LOL I would hide his things all around the house and play *easter egg hunt* with him. That'll teach him! ♥

[deleted account]

yea Resa, i know, i can put them in another closet and not look at them. but i wasnt being rude to him by telling him to come get his stuff.

[deleted account]

he has clothes mainly here, that i have to look at everyday. some pictures of his dads who past away last march, a little small container of some of his dad ashes of being cremated that he split with his sister, the bed frame that he wanted to take after they found his dad dead in the bed!! Imean it was creapy to me to sleep in the bed, though its my mattress and all and now the iron bedframe is left here with me!! i mentioned that in the text i sent him. I guess i could take it apart myself but there isnt anywhere to store it. the night he left he had plenty of time to get everything and doesnt communicate with me about the stuff. i feel like hes keeping it here because hes paying the bills. like its his storage unit. we did agree on the phone i would stay here til the lease is up in july, by the next few months i should have my student loan refund in to live off of. i dont know what to do.

Katherine - posted on 02/19/2012

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On a side note I believe he he only has a certain amount of time to get them.

Katherine - posted on 02/19/2012

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Yeah, you can't get rid get them. Box then up as Amy said and when he wants to come and get them he can.

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