My Daughter hates daycare?!

Stephanie - posted on 01/21/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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This is the 1st time my 3yr old has ever gone to Daycare, and we are having the hardest time when we drop her off in the mornings. How do you stop this torture I go through every morning the crying, screaming..etc.. I fell like the worst mommy in the world!

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Jennifer - posted on 01/23/2010

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You may have already heard this from people, but this reaction is completely normal and to be expected. A good daycare will coach you through the beginning of this, but basically you go through their routine (whether just dropping off, or washing hands and showing them to the coat hook, etc) then, and this is the most critical -- you cannot look upset nor do you ever just sneak away. Give her a kiss and tell her you'll be back (give her something as specific as you can... i.e. "okay, I'll be back to pick you up after afternoon snack.") Don't turn back... she needs to feel that you are secure with this arrangement... if you're hesitating it will feed into her own fears. Give it a few weeks asking the teachers for feedback (is she crying throughout the day, is it waning.) A lot of times they will cry when you pick them up too, but that doesn't mean they were crying all day. -- My caveat is you need to trust your mommy instincts too... if your daughter continues to be hysterical and is "dreading" this daycare she may not have the best care givers (this happened to me with my son, at 2, who was unusually upset throughout the day... I pulled him out after a week and he is now enrolled at a preschool that he loves going to.)

Starla - posted on 01/21/2010

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You really arent a bad mommy and you shouldnt feel that way. My daughter went through the same thing. I had to leave early to drop her off and spend some time with her that way she felt better. It is so hard and i know how you feel but in time it will get better. I found that its easy to ease them into that kind of thing. Thats kinda hard if you cant. Well good luck I am sure you will find something to help you out.

Stephanie - posted on 01/21/2010

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I am a preschool teacher and I see that everyday. My son is 1 and sometimes he will do the whole crying thing when I drop him off in his class but it does pass and soon it wont phase her when you leave. Try little things like giving her a cup of juice to calm her, or let her bring a small toy to show her classmates, while she's showing off you can slip away. Reassure her that you will be back, tell her how much fun it will be and reward her for being a good girl, something small like stickers, you just need one little sticker to make a child happy.

Stacie - posted on 01/21/2010

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I used to work at a preschool and seen this every new school year. There were some children who would cry hysterically for the first 3-6 months straight when getting dropped off. Others would cry towards the end of the day when waiting for their parents to pick them up. Some kids just take more time to get adjusted than others. But for the most part, they learned the routine and adjusted to the schedules. I'm sure your daughter will too.....best of luck to you!

User - posted on 11/19/2013

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I would listen to your gut, and if your child is having a really hard time find a different place or try a nanny. I have a friend who's daughter had to go through therapy because of the emotional stress that daycare cost. I think its easy to say it will all work out. I think it only works out when we find a fit that the mother and child feel good about. I live in a place with a daycare in the bottom of my apartment. I see many positive things but I also see really sad things that make me very weary of daycares. It is a very expensive and prestiges daycare which adds to my concern because you would think it would be wonderful. Good luck, and way to go on being so concerned and aware of your child. It can also be hard when other Mothers tell you its all in your head. In my experience if you feel their is something wrong their probably is.

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Chantelle - posted on 01/29/2010

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That's great that your daughter has started to settle in a bit better. It sounds like she is in a very good child care centre who are supportive of her needs. I didn't have the same luck, my son was very anxious and upset when I used to drop him off at child care and months into him starting I busted one of the staff members mistreating a child - right in front of my eyes. I was not impressed. I tried him in another centre and had no luck either, One of the staff members were force feeding him to the point he was vomiting everywhere. I pulled him out and I now have no faith in child care centres what so ever. I have seen enough, my other 3 children stay home with me now and I decided not to return to work.

Melinda - posted on 01/28/2010

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Kids get anxious, its normal. The real question is how she is doing an hour after you leave, at the end of the day. My 3 year old often cries when I drop him off but when I pick him up, I can tell he's had fun. He's happy to see me, but he tells me about what he did, who he played with, and that's how I know he's O.K. BTW, I have changed providers a few times when I've felt my kid is unhappy throughout the day, not just anxious when I leave.

Jackie - posted on 01/28/2010

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Great glad to hear it. And if its only been a week and she's already calming down then I don't think you have anything to worry about...they have clearly done alot to show her she can be comfortable while she spends her days with them.

Stephanie - posted on 01/28/2010

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A BIG THANK YOU! to all the advice, comments and well wishers! it has been a week since my child has been attending daycare. The crying has toned down from total break down to a small whimper when I leave her in the morning. I did an unannounced visit, and found that my daughter was very content and happy ( the little scamp!) her teachers are very nice and try to be that source of comfort when I cannot, which is why I chose this center in the begining. I will keep all posted on her progress.... Thanks again to all!

Jackie - posted on 01/27/2010

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ok, wanted to make sure that would post. now i'll finish. That said...a 3 yr old just starting daycare is a MAJOR adjustment to live at home with mom...or whoever the primary caregiver was for 3 years. It will take time, and kids know how to work you too. You need to give it an honest try before you start looking for an alternative, whatever that alternative may be. And show up unannounced in the middle of the day a few times and watch your child from somewhere out of sight. Many kids settle right down after their parents are gone. This will tell you what their day is really like and could significantly calm your concerns. That said, if your daycare doesn't allow unannounced visits WITHDRAW YOUR CHILD IMMEDIATELY...that should be an absolute requirement of anywhere you leave your child. Good luck and daycare does not make you a bad mother. Not providing for your child would be a bad mom.

Jackie - posted on 01/27/2010

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aaahhh...just wrote a huge post and it got deleted. i'll just sum it up this time....i actually chose a center based daycare b/c there are other ppl around also watching your child. one adult in a house can tell you anything and you have no idea. I am NOT saying home daycares are bad...my friend found an awesome one for her son. But the center I use is wonderful. I have watched the teachers unknowingly from out in the hall...they are all loving, caring, very involved with the kids, very attentive to keep them all on schedule etc etc. my daughter gets excited when we open the door to the building, and she is always playing contently with a teacher or another child when i pick her up. Not all centers are bad.

Cathleen - posted on 01/27/2010

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I really liked reading what two of the women shared about you considering looking into a home based daycare. I also have worked in daycares and also a homebased daycare. The homebased daycare delivered far better care than any of the daycares that I worked in. I personally have never left my daughters in a daycare and hope I dont have to. I have left my girls with people who they are familiar with and enjoy being around. You may want to consider looking into other alternatives like the homebased daycare or even having someone come into your home to care for your daughter. Your daughter is trying to communicate to you and both may benefit if you can find a better fit for her.

Cathleen

Pearl - posted on 01/25/2010

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hie there, my daughter started pre-shool at 1 yr and what i would do for the first week, was to get up a bit early so that i can spend sometime with her in class with the other kids, play with them a bit before i go to work and eventually i just sat on the corner and she would keep coming to me until after 2 weeks and she got the hang of it and got used to the fact that i leave her there...

Sabrina - posted on 01/23/2010

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ok, no one want to here this, but i DO agree with sharmaine, I provided hamebased childcare for 3 yrs & after the first week i never had a child act like this, they where usually excited to get there and start playing. Now since she's 3 & this is the first time in daycare yes it might just be a normal reaction. However, I also worked in an actual daycare & i would say you can NEVER be to careful when it comes to the well being of your child. I'm not trying to scare you! The daycare i worked at didnt beat the children, they didnt physically hurt them in anyway, but i would have never left MY child there alone! I worked in the baby room & i didnt even stay for a month, I just didn't agree with they way the other women acted! They would be in the toddler room & the adults would be sitting around talking/reading their magazines & if the children got hurt or bugged them the adults would just shoo them off & keep doing their thing. & there was no rhyme or reason to it, but it seemed like they would all pick a chiild to dislike & they were all harder on that child:( I'm suggesting if your child is there longer than a month & your still having these kind of problems, i would look into other options/daycares!

Mirjana - posted on 01/23/2010

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Don't do that to yourself...I have three kids and the two oldest when they started daycare ( both at age of 3) they were both screaming and throwing themselves on the floor...my daughter cried so hard she threw up a few times...it took them both almost a month and a half to get to the point where they would just say bye and go into their room...all kids go through that...you just have to stay strong and leave after you drop her off...i bet five minutes after you leave she's playing and laughing...i know it's hard and i'm really worried about my youngest son who starts daycare in september...he's so attached to me...oh my if i only think about it...lol...good luck to you and your little one

Samantha - posted on 01/21/2010

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Considering this is he/she's first time, this is a normal reaction for him/her. It does seem like torture, but its just seperation issues. Maybe you should ask your provider if you can come in the afternoon and hang out with your little for an hour, get him or her used to the place. Give it a few weeks, if it doesn't subside maybe that daycare isn't right for your child and maybe try to find out what he or she doesn't like about it.

Sharmaine - posted on 01/21/2010

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Hey there, I have run my own homebased childcare form home for almost 7yrs, have you ever tried homebased so she get more one and one and gets more of a bond to just one caregiver?? That can really help introduce her to a different enviroment without you around ;-)

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