My husband thinks we should spank our son when he misbehaves but I worry that that will do more damage than good.

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Cmoline32 - posted on 06/08/2013

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My daughter is almost 3. We do not believe in spanking either. We use time out and positive reinforcement. She is a wonderful little girl and rarely gets put into trouble.

September - posted on 06/07/2013

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I don't think any child needs to be spanked for misbehaving. In my opinion that only instills fear and does not teach a lesson. Our son is 4.5 years old, has never been spanked and is an amazing child. We are all about natural consequences and positive reinforcement. Not saying that these type of strategies work for every child. It does take some time and work to figure out what works for your child and what doesn't. Good luck!

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Sarah - posted on 07/02/2013

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I am neither pro or against spanking. I was spanked when I was little and have spanked my kids a few times, but I also feel that there are other ways of disciplining that may work better in certain situations. I think you have to look at what your main goal in disciplining is. For me it is to teach. I want to teach my kids right and wrong and to be considerate of others. What I would suggest the two of you doing is doing some research on different types of discipline methods. You both need to be on the same page with discipline or nothing will work. I would suggest not focusing on spanking....learn what else is out there and how it works and if it would work for the two of you.

Here are some suggestions as to where to start:

Parenting with Love and Logic By Foster Cline and Jim Fey (or Fay). There are books as well as seminars.....if you do a web search you will find their web page.

1,2,3, Magic....not sure who this one is by, but if you do a web search you will find info. on it.

Time outs........I really like how Supper Nanny (if you have seen her show) does them. 1 warning then if behavior continues child is put in the time out spot for 1 min. per age. A brief simple description as to why child is in time out before time starts (you are in time out because you hit mommy). Then time starts. If child gets up from the time out spot before time is done child is placed back in the time out spot WITHOUT TALKING TO THE CHILD......this is key, and then TIME STARTS OVER....also another key. Parent DOES NOT talk to child while child is in time out......BIG KEY!!!! Once child has sat in time out for the time required without getting up then parent goes over to child at their level and again states why child was in time out....again keep it simple and brief. Then child must say sorry and give a hug.

You are always going to find pros and cons with any method you find. Everyone has their opinions and different ways of raising their children. The key is to find which one or ones you and your husband feel comfortable with. Sometimes you may use many different disciplining techniques. Parenting is trial and error what works for one child may not work for another. My kids are 15 yrs old, 12 yrs old, and 2 yrs old and I am still learning. As they grow this brings new challenges and new ways of disciplining and each child has been different, so what we do with the oldest does not always work for the other two.

Helen - posted on 07/02/2013

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Spanking causes the child to feel fear and resentment. I remember that from my childhood... It did not teach me anything except to keep away from my parents when being naughty.

If one adult hits another it is called assault and is a criminal offence. How can it be right for a full sized adult to hit a small child?

Remember that children learn through example. if you smack your children they will learn the following:

. if you are angry and lose control, it is ok to hit
. you can hit people but only when you are grown up
. it is better if your parents don't know what you are doing
. parents are scary people who will hit you

I used more gentle discipline with my children and tried to model the behaviour I wanted to instil. I discussed the behaviours I wanted and the reasons why it was important. I tackled tricky topics when opportunities arose. I had well behaved children.

Parents who resort to smacking often are lazy about modelling and teaching and are not clear about their expectations. Also, parents need to see the situation from the child's point if view and make it easier for them to behave well by avoiding boredom and overtiredness, and by spending good times with their children to create a good bond.

Amy - posted on 06/07/2013

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My 7 and 3 year old have also never been spanked and both are very well behaved. I'm with Septmeber on this natural consequences and positive reinforcement are much more effective. I would also add that my 7 year old has only had to change his color chart once at school and he came home crying about it and it hasn't happened since.

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