My little Girl only makes accidents at School, please advise?

Chantell Van Der - posted on 10/16/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Hi to all the moms,



I am desperately needing help and advice. My Little girl wii be 3 in December and has been pooty trained for the last 2 months or so. She has had about 3 accidents at night at home. Which I was expecting to happen. But over all she is doing well untill recently. for the past 2 and a half weeks she has been having accidents at school, not everyday but maybe every second day. It was fine at first according to her teacher but now she is getting into trouble, her teacher said this morning that she needs to come to school with a nappy cause it is unhygenic for the other children, which I fully understand. Yesterday she gave my daughter a smack on each hand for having a wee on the jungle gym and put her in the naughty corner. Please help me with advice. i am not sure how to deal with this cause I feel smacking a child and repremanding them for and accident is wrong. The teacher says it is not an accident that she does it on purpose cause she does not even make an effort to get to the toilet. I dont want to go back to nappies as this will be going backwards in my child progress. I feel like my child is embarressed everytime the teacher speaks to her infront of all the other children. She does not have any accidents at home or when we go out to town or visit people. When I told the teacher that she just said that my daughter wont do it when she is home cause she is not busy at home or does not have toys she has to protect from other kids. I am at my wits end and do not know what to do anymore, I was so frustrated this morning that i left the school crying this morning when I dropped my daughter off!

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Amy - posted on 10/16/2012

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There is no way I would be leaving my child with a caregiver who is going to smack them as a form of discipline. If its a center I suggest you talk to an administrator and discuss their policies on punishment, not that any child should be punished for having an accident. Speak to the teacher and see if she will hold whatever you your daughter is playing with while she uses the restroom and ask her to send remind her descreatly to use the potty.

Ann - posted on 10/22/2012

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Discipline for acccidents is never appropriate

Discuss with the centre director what is the correct process for discipline and toilting practices. Is the teacher watching for cues that your daughter needs to go eg wiggling, holding behaviour, jiggling and advising her to go then?

Are the toilets appropriate for small children, not cold, private , right size, clean ie no pee on the seat or floor, do they smell?

It is a good idea to take her before you leave her so she (and you) can see it is ok to use the toilet there.

The resource below is very useful



from The Contnence Foundation of Australia

Day wetting

Most children have gained daytime bladder control by the age of four. If a child regularly wets during the day after this age professional advice is necessary.



Loss of bladder control during the day can be called daytime incontinence, while loss of bladder control during sleep is called nocturnal enuresis or bedwetting. Children can have both day and night wetting.



Why do children wet during the day?



Most wetting occurs because the bladder is not working normally.



Common problems are:

•Overactive bladder - this occurs when the bladder has problems storing urine. The child has urgency (bursting) and may leak urine on the way to the toilet. They may also go to the toilet more than eight times per day.

•Under-active bladder - this occurs when the child goes to the toilet infrequently (less than four time a day) and sometime urine escapes without any warning as the bladder overfills. Urinary tract infection is common.

•Leakage - this can occur if the child is in the habit of putting off going to the toilet and wets when the bladder is overfilled.

•Incomplete emptying of the bladder - some children have learned to empty their bladder incompletely and this can also lead to wetting.



Structural problems are rare. However a medical specialist should manage any child identified as having an anatomical or neurological cause for their incontinence.



Day wetting is NOT caused by:

•laziness

•naughtiness, or

•attention seeking.



As a parent/carer what should I do?



Seek professional help



But first watch your child and take note of his or her bladder and bowel behaviour over a few days.

•How often does your child go to the toilet?

•How often is your child wetting?

•What happens when they wet?

•How often do their bowels open and is it difficult for your child?

•How much does your child drink?

•What type of fluids is your child drinking and when?



You are now ready to visit a health professional who will undertake the following:

•a detailed medical history

•a urine test to exclude infection of the urinary tract (bladder and kidneys)

•a physical examination of the spine (back) and the bladder opening to exclude any nerve involvement or structural problems

•an abdominal examination which may help exclude constipation, and

•an ultrasound of the urinary tract.

To find a continence health professional in your area visit our service directory or contact the National Continence Helpline on freecall 1800 33 00 66.

http://www.continence.org.au/pages/day-w...

Suzie - posted on 10/16/2012

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I don't think you should let the teacher discipline her for potty training... that's just it... its "training"! It takes time to learn, especially if she has never been in a school setting before. She could become distracted by all of the neat things they are doing and not want to quite to go to the potty or she could feel intimidated asking the teacher since the teacher has been so rude or maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable going to the bathroom at school.



My daughter doesn't go poop at school because she says its disgusting and you need to do that at home in private. She cracks me up! I feel the same way at work! haha But seriously, kids have more of a thought process about it then you would think.



I would talk to both your daughter and the school director to find out what the best solution should be. But don't let this teacher act like your daughter is the only student who has ever struggled and had an accident.

12 Comments

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Sophia - posted on 11/19/2012

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frist the teacher should not hit your child. second what kind of teacher would think a child would pee on themself. the teacher is an ass ... speak to her boss.

Gigi - posted on 11/13/2012

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First of all, I would immediately talk to the teacher and make clear that hitting my child is not allowed. If the teacher is not responsive to that, I'd go straight to the principal office and discuss it with him (to see if its policy of the school) and ask him to control his employee. That said, if I was not persuaded that it won't happen again, I would go further and complain to higher office or change schools.

Your child is being potty trained, accidents happen, especially in a new environment where there are other interesting things to occupy her attention. The teacher should ask her to go to do potty if she sees that your daughter is not coming and requesting to be taken herself. No school should expect a 3 year old to be self sufficient.

That said, I would expect your daughter to be afraid of that teacher now, so she might not go to her for help. What that teacher did was wrong on so many levels, and if it was me, I don't think I would be able to trust her anymore.

Let us know how it went.

[deleted account]

My 4 year old daughter had accidents at preschool the beginning of the school year this year. I thought she was just nervous and didn't want to get up and go....it kept happening so I wrote a note to her teacher asking them to have her go at least once and when she got home I made her try every hour until she stopped having accidents(she only goes from 8:50am to 11:20am) and she tells me she goes either before or after snack time. Ask her teachers to have her try to use the bathroom

Rachel - posted on 11/02/2012

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I would not leave my child with someone that thinks slapping her is okay for potty accidents. The number one rule with potty training is to not get mad and punish for accidents.

Maybe she isn't happy in the school and that's why she's having accidents there and only there.

I would find another place to send her and I would ask what they do in regards to potty training accidents.

She's not even 3 yet! Why are they rushing her?

Miriam - posted on 10/23/2012

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not only teacher but alos no one should punish a child over potty training! it's a process which goes fast in some kids and slower in some others. don't worry no one has peed in her wedding dress (I mean it's just the matter of time). but the Anal Stage (the stage in which kids are learning the potty training) is extremely important in the psychic. it has very bad effects if anyone pushes hard. you have to extremely neutral.

if I were you I would have changed the kindergarten and started sending her in shorter hours (if you are not working). for example for the start put her 3 days a week and each time 3 hours. if your daughter is not behaving as she does at home, it's possible that she has stress. and kids under stress won't be able to learn properly. so your first priority must be to make her environement very calm and away from this stupid teacher. (how the hell she is qualified for teaching a kid?!!!!!)

Suzanne - posted on 10/23/2012

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Me as a mom of 2 boys 8&3yrs old i have to say that teacher has no right to hit your child for any reason! you can report her for that.second it is not her fault wether it's on purpose or not she is only 3 she is still learning expecialy if it has only been 2 1/2 monthes.that is why alot of pr-schools and elementry schools always ask parents to send in extra clothing incase of stuff like that.I say if the teacher cant handle it she needs to get a different profession or quit.But i still say report her for smacking you child.She has noo right to do that!

Ann - posted on 10/22/2012

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Discipline in a 3yo for accidents is not appropriate.

First look at the environment is there privacy, seat at the right hight, warm environment, easy to access hand basins and ability to flush, are the toilets clean when she gets to go ie no pee on the floor or seat!!

Is the teacher receptive to when the children ask to go or show signs of needing to go "the wiggle and one leg hop" and reminding them that it is time to go now?

Taking her to the toilet when you get there is a good idea as it reasures her that you "approve" the environment and that it is safe.

Talk to the person in charge and discuss what is appropriate for discipline and toileting policy and procedure.



Day wetting



Most children have gained daytime bladder control by the age of four. If a child regularly wets during the day after this age professional advice is necessary.



Loss of bladder control during the day can be called daytime incontinence, while loss of bladder control during sleep is called nocturnal enuresis or bedwetting. Children can have both day and night wetting.



Why do children wet during the day?



Most wetting occurs because the bladder is not working normally.



Common problems are:

•Overactive bladder - this occurs when the bladder has problems storing urine. The child has urgency (bursting) and may leak urine on the way to the toilet. They may also go to the toilet more than eight times per day.

•Under-active bladder - this occurs when the child goes to the toilet infrequently (less than four time a day) and sometime urine escapes without any warning as the bladder overfills. Urinary tract infection is common.

•Leakage - this can occur if the child is in the habit of putting off going to the toilet and wets when the bladder is overfilled.

•Incomplete emptying of the bladder - some children have learned to empty their bladder incompletely and this can also lead to wetting.



Structural problems are rare. However a medical specialist should manage any child identified as having an anatomical or neurological cause for their incontinence.



Day wetting is NOT caused by:

•laziness

•naughtiness, or

•attention seeking.



As a parent/carer what should I do?



Seek professional help



But first watch your child and take note of his or her bladder and bowel behaviour over a few days.

•How often does your child go to the toilet?

•How often is your child wetting?

•What happens when they wet?

•How often do their bowels open and is it difficult for your child?

•How much does your child drink?

•What type of fluids is your child drinking and when?



You are now ready to visit a health professional who will undertake the following:

•a detailed medical history

•a urine test to exclude infection of the urinary tract (bladder and kidneys)

•a physical examination of the spine (back) and the bladder opening to exclude any nerve involvement or structural problems

•an abdominal examination which may help exclude constipation, and

•an ultrasound of the urinary tract.

To find a continence health professional in your area visit our service directory or contact the National Continence Helpline on freecall 1800 33 00 66 Australia. They also have many other great resources on this website. http://www.continence.org.au/pages/day-w...

Nicky - posted on 10/17/2012

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I just recently went through this with my 4 yr old boy. He started pre-k and has been fully potty trained since 3. He refused to use the potty at school. The first few weeks of school he would hold it in all day until he got home which was from 7:45 am until 2:45pm thats a long time!! So what I started doing was bringing him to bathroom before I left school to head to work (he would only use the school potty if I was there) After that I would leave for the day hoping he would use the potty and he wouldnt. Then he started having accidents like maybe 3 times a week at school. I told him if he had anymore accidents he wouldnt be allowed to play his wii (his favorite thing). He did end up having another accident so I did what I said and didnt let him play it. When he kept having accidents i thought well I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING!! So we made a no accident chart and everyday he didnt have an accident he would get a sticker, and if he filled the whole week with stickers he got a prize at the end of the week and it worked!! He was so excited about getting a sticker each day (I think he wanted to be recognized for doing the right thing) and stickers showed that we were noticing! After a couple weeks I went and bought him a special calender and a whole bunch of stickers (he was so excited!) So everyday he gets stickers on his calender and hasnt had an accidnet since!! We also used this for eating and washing his hands (2 other things he wouldnt do in school) so everyday when I get home from work he gets a sticker for each thing no accidents, eating, and washing his hands! Maybe you should try that, it could work for you like it did for us!! Just hang the chart on the refrigerater or anywhere she can see it...good luck I hope this works for you!!

Chantell Van Der - posted on 10/16/2012

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Thanks Amy, I have told my daughter to give whatever she is playing with to the teacher and explained that to her with the teachers buy apparently she still makes accidents. i have also asked the teachers to ask her often or remind her often to go to the toilet. i'm just worried they push her too far and she rebels against going to the toilet.

This is my first child so I am also still learning about the good and bad of potty training!

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