My mother called Child Services on us

Heather - posted on 09/11/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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There is no basis for this. She is being malicious. (background in my previous post re: child's involvement in family estrangement if you want it) So I know that nothing should come of this but I'm absolutely sick over it. They will talk to my son in a couple of days then to me. She is against my husband and is making false allegations. But I just don't know how to cope for the next couple of days!!! Why would somebody do something so horrible to their grandchild? She must realize that this is not only going to affect my husband and I but also our son. Please, please does anyone have any words of comfort? I can tell myself a thousand times that there is nothing for them to find but it doesn't make me feel better!

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Katherine - posted on 09/11/2012

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Like a 4 year old is really going to be able to explain anything. My daughter is 3.5 and she wouldn't be able to answer questions like that! Plus she makes up stuff too. That's complete and utter BS. You could always file a complaint against her, ask them and see what your options are. This is no joking matter.

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Kristy - posted on 09/27/2012

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My mom and I had a lot of problems for a long time and even when I was dating my husband. When I was pregnant and after I had my son my mom became my best friend. We talk all the time now. She was around a lot and helped me when my husband got deployed and I had to take care of a new baby alone. The only advice I can give you is, she must have some kind of weird thought or reason. Not that you and your hubby are bad parents. Just try to get through it. It will get better. Try to work thing out with your mom. You will wish you mom would be around when good things happen.

Tawny Lee - posted on 09/15/2012

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I am so relieved for you and your son. I am sick to my stomach remembering the horror of a caseworker we started out with (they got nicer as they realized the situation), and thank God for you that you got one with a brain and a heart. I think your decision is a wise one, and I am glad for you and your son that your husband gets it (it took mine a little longer, I'm sad to say). Best wishes for you all, and keep up the good work with your wonderful and beloved little boy.

Heather - posted on 09/14/2012

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Well we all met with the case worker yesterday. I was sick to my stomach and didn't sleep for 3 days waiting for this. She came to my house after seeing my son. One of the first things she said was that it was very clear to her, after talking to him, that he was a smart, well behaved and well cared for little boy. He clearly was not abused. She was here to close the file. We went over the allegations, and she recorded our responses. She was also taken aback by the allegations compared to the truth. In the end she apologized for the trouble and thanked us for being good parents. Unfortunately though this will stay will us forever. She said any further allegations would also be investigated as they have to but if they see a pattern and if we continue to have no contact with her then the allegations may not make it to the point of an investigation. There will be NO contact with her. If she tries to contact us in any manner we will cut it off before it starts. You just do not do this to anyone, let alone you very own family. You can't take something like this back.

Thank you all for your kind words! I read them over and over in the past few days, in anticipation of the meeting with the worker, and they really helped.

Susan - posted on 09/14/2012

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After its over and done with, let her know you are going to sue for Defamation of Character, if only to scare her. God will take care of you. I wouldnt talk to her again, or let her see your child.

Janessa - posted on 09/13/2012

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I know a little bit about how you feel. I believe my mother would not do that because we have been able to have a reasonable conversation and she doesn't really hate my husband. But I've worried about it sometimes, because my husband has been underemployed for the last 3 years and we've been struggling financially big time. She's had the opinion that he isn't doing his part, and has said some mean things because of it. Our best conversation started out as our worst. We had both just finished a book about abuse, and we were doing laundry together and she lifted up her hand and I flinched, and she asked me is someone hitting you. I didn't even know what to say, because my husband and I have a wonderful relationship, and he would never do that, but I wasn't sure if I could get her to believe that, so we had it out. Then I said a prayer and maybe she did too, and in the end we understood each other better because through inspiration we finally said the right things, and she has been much more supportive. She does wish she was closer to her grandkids, and does wish she had more control of our lives, and so that fear she'd do something like that has crossed my mind, but lucky for me she is very close to God, and I am too, and prayer gets us through it. God could help you also either to know what to say to her to maybe get her to stop, or he would bring comfort and peace to your mind if she continues to be unreasonable. Either way I would not recommend you cut off connections with her or hold a grudge that could make it worse. Try and talk to her peacefully and find out why she would do this. Let her know you love her, but also this is your life and your families, try and show her the damage this is doing. Anyways, good-luck. I'll pray for you guys.

Tawny Lee - posted on 09/13/2012

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I went through the same thing, more than once, sadly, with my husband's crazy family. When his controlling freak of a mother realized that with me in the picture, her control over both my husband and his son had lessened, as we became a family, she suddenly switched her position and sided with my husband's ex-wife in the custody battle, claiming "a child belongs with its mother". After mediatiors (3, I think, in total, because the ex kept asking for a new one) had decided repeatedly that he was better off with us, for multiple reasons, the ex then alleged abuse. We are now totally estranged from my husband's family (thank God, honestly), free from their drama and ridiculous attitudes. Their whole family does this ostracizing of people with whom they don't agree, and then punishing family members who dare to communicate with the ostracized one. I'm glad my children will grow up free of their influence; frankly it's their loss, my little boys are wonderful.

You need to seriously discuss with your husband whether any future contact with his mother will be in your and, more importantly, your child's best interests. Because this crap doesn't go away. Even if they dismiss it entirely, the records last forever, and it's a weapon she will use again, believe me. I'm so sorry for you and your son that you are going through this. I finally had to choose my own 2 boys and our future over my stepson, who now lives (and is miserable with) his mother, it broke our hearts, but we couldn't keep going through the hell of CPS.

It will be ok, hang in there, but you need to seriously consider the future, and your son's protection from his selfish vicious grandmother. Again, so sorry, my best wishes to you and your family.

Kishia - posted on 09/12/2012

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IIf they dont find no truthto it then they close it im going though it now it happened to me all the time but i couldn't forgive her for doing that

Heather - posted on 09/11/2012

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I agree. NOT a joking matter. I'm fierce when it comes to the protection of my son. And now she's attacking my husband too - in claiming he's abusive. My husband and I had issues a few years ago and she's never gotten over it. Though he has and he's a wonderful father and husband! OH holy crow she has no idea what she's done! I feel like their is an anger that has been woken up in me that is like nothing I've ever felt before.

Heather - posted on 09/11/2012

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The "investigator" told me on the phone there was an allegation of violence in the home. My son is only 4. They will go to his daycare and talk to him - alone. It's weird to me! He's going to be so confused! She didn't get her way and I called her bluff when she threatened me so she's acting out. It definitely makes my decision to not have her in our lives MUCH easier!

Katherine - posted on 09/11/2012

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If my mother did that to me I would NEVER talk to her again! Don't worry, nothing will come of it, how old is your son? On what grounds did she call? I would be fuming. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

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