My son says my boyfriend choked him..what do I do??

Emily - posted on 08/12/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 or 7 months. We were very happy at first and soon found out I was pregnant and we started planning a wedding and moved in together. Everything went way too fast but I was so happy so I thought it was ok.
I was having trouble getting my 5 yr old to listen to me so I agreed to let my boyfriend help disipline him. My boyfriend doesn't have much patience for children and has a short termper. I thought he was a little hard on him but my son seemed to be listening better. One day when I was in the other room my son was in trouble and my boyfriend had him in the corner. My son was crying and I came to see what was going on. My son told me my boyfriend choked him. I was horrified and immediately confronted my boyfriend who denied it. My son often exaggerated and lied so I just let it go. He kept bringing it up to my ex's mom, my mom and other family and friends months later. Sometimes he says he's scared of him and sometimes they are buddies. I don't know what to think!
I have a toddler not quite 2 yet and she used to like my boyfriend but suddenly started crying around him all the time. She would be alone with him and suddenly start crying like crazy. My boyfriend would say he had no idea why she was crying. I suspected something was going on but didn't want to believe it and let it go. As time went on she would start crying everytime he entered the room and after being alone with him she would be crying so hard she would gag and she would be shaking she was so upset. He said she was perfectly happy when I wasn't around like if he would take her to the store or if I were gone. She is very clingy to me so I believed that she was just doing this because she wanted me if she knew I was around.
My boyfriend and I argue a lot and he says that's why my kids are afraid of him and because they see how upset I get.
I have moved out because of the fighting and the suspitions of abuse. He swears that he has never hurt my children and his mother along with multiple friends of his has said he would never hurt a child. I'm having his baby and he wants us to work things out and I do care about him but can't love someone that would hurt my kids. I don't know what to believe. I don't want to believe he's hurt my kids but how can I ignore the possibility he might have and keep letting it happen? What do I do? :(

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Kc - posted on 02/14/2013

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Your a sick mother! I am glad that I did not have someone like you for a mom! The second that your child said that he/she was hurt by someone in your home I would have been packing my stuff and get my kids to safety., if i had any kids that is. You should not be a mother if these instincts don't kick in immed. You should be ashamed of yourself that you even have to ask these questions. If you see someone on the street being hurt by a man would you not call the police? Well then why don't you call them cause someone is being hurt in your own home, your kids!

Christy - posted on 08/13/2011

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Kids don't typically act this way. You daughter is shaking when he's around and gags being left with him? RED FLAG! Also if your 5 yr old son is telling you and others he choked him, I bet you it's true. Better to be out of this now than later. I hate to bring this up, but there are so many incidents of child deaths in the news at the hand of an impatient boyfriend/dad/husband, and I know that the mother had a heads up before it happened through the man's actions toward her and/or the children. Stay away!

Jane - posted on 08/12/2011

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Next time either child says he hurt them, take the child to the doctor to see if there is any evidence of it. Then proceed accordingly.

Alicia - posted on 02/14/2013

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RED FLAGS!!! Me and my son, who is now 3, lived with my abusive husband. Many times he hit me then he would "spank" our son. NO, NO, NO, don't even give him the chance to hurt your children. Take them both to the doctor today and have all this documented. You suspect something is going on and as a mother you should go with your gut. If you knew 100% nothing was going on then you wouldn't even be posting on this site. You know and you doubt yourself because love is blind. Please for you and your children walk away and never turn back.

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Christine - posted on 08/13/2011

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a two year old shouldnt have the capacity to lie or fabricate realistic feelings and a five year old (according to what i have read) should be at the "telling fibs" stage, not telling big lies. if the fighting/dynamic of your relationship is enough to affect the way your children act around your boyfriend then i would question whether the situation is healthy for them and therefore you. I would take my children to the pediatrician, tell her the situation and that i love and trust my son but that i am having a hard time understanding why my boyfriend would do such a thing or why my daughter would act the way she is around him. she could help you understand if your son is having other issues that might need more help or if the abuse is a real possibility. i hope everything works out for you, you are definitely a wonderful momma :)

Erica - posted on 08/13/2011

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First off ur kids and their safety comes first. There sounds like something happened tell him to go to parenting classes and anger management classes .that's what scares me about dating someone BC I hv a 17month old son who is my miracle baby bc I didn't think I could hv children he is my everything .I would believe my child b4 any man or anyone

Jenni - posted on 08/13/2011

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Well, imo the reactions of your children to him (not just one but both) makes me think something is up. I think if your suspicions are so strong that you've had him move out, that you may be onto something. Something is definitely amiss. I applaud you for moving out and not allowing the suspected abuse to continue until you figure out exactly what's going on. That is very courageous of you and shows how much you put your children first.

But this is just my opinion based on what you have told us, but it does sound extremely suspect. Especially since both of your children are reacting to him this way. And considering the two of you argue a lot and you say he has a short temper. I think these are all redflags. I also believe if your instincts are telling you, your children are in danger then you should probably listen to them. There is no reason for you not to want to continue your relationship with this man, I assume you WANT to. Right? So if all these flags are convincing you to stay away, then something must be wrong.

I wish you and yours the best, I hope things turn out ok for you.

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