My story

Robyn - posted on 07/23/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi there my names Robyn and I'm 19.

I have a little boy called Leo who is 2. A few months ago I lost him and he has since then been in foster care, I have been diagnosed with post natal depression and am now on anti-depressants I know a lot of the mums on here will be angry reading this but I just wanted to tell people my story as I am a good mum and fighting to get my little boy back, no matter what critics think or say. I became dependant on (vallium) when me and my sons father had split up, I know this is wrong and it has wrecked everything for me, I am so ashamed and will never forgive myself. While I was on this drug I was regulary drinking, the drug had wrecked my memory and my health I turned from a healthy size 8-10 into bones, my life had no purpose and in this I seemed to have been selfish as I had a little boy to think about my mum helped me take care of him although my memory had blanked I remember the day he was hurt as clear as day. In the morning I put him in his buggie and took him to nursery, when I picked him up a few hours later he was screaming in pain I can still remember seeing my little boy screaming crying with a towel round his buttox area to this day no one knows what happened he had a scowled on his bum that looked like hot liquid the skin had peeled he was rushed into hospital I was later questioned by the police my son was in hospital for ten days in total I couldn't deal with it it hurt me to see him in pain it hurt me to think people thought I done it. I know I acted selfish and carried on using drugs but it was my coping mechanism. To this day I hold the nursery responsible as there is no way that this happened in my care, police still haven't got back to me and I still don't know what happened to my son, during his time in hospital social work made me sign an agreement to have him placed in temporary care three months on I have came off the drugs and see him regulary I've started eating again but not having him with me kills me inside, I know to all you reading this it sounds as if I am a horrible human being but I would never harm my son he the most amazing little boy in the world and three months on despite having hearings and being assessed by social work every week I am a stronger person for him because I believe I have made the biggest mistake of my life signing that paper letting them take him. Now I live alone, I've lost friends but I still have my family many people think that I caused harm to my child which hurts me because I don't even know what has happened, I will fight to the death to have him back. There is not a night I don't cry myself to sleep. I miss him so much and I have vowed to never ever give up. NEVER I will fight till the day I die because I am a good mum no matter what anyone says or thinks. I just want someone to believe me. I've made mistakes but I would never harm him. This is my story it has taken a lot for me to write this. Thank you for reading. X

3 Comments

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Marybeth - posted on 07/23/2012

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Robyn,
I feel horrible for you. I can not imagine not having my children! The best thing you can do for yourself and Leo is to stay strong and sober! I have worked a lot with family courts and believe it or not their goal is to keep families together. Keep all of your appointments and visits. You need to prove you are responsible and consistent. I can't imagine how heart broken you are, but maybe this is your wake up call. You will get through it and chances are Leo won't remember this. If you have been experiencing blackouts perhaps it's better that Leo is elsewhere until you are on solid ground. You will do the right thing for your son. Keep the faith. Good luck.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/23/2012

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Robyn, I can not even imagine the pain you must have felt to have your son taken and still be away from him. I haven't been away from my 3 daughters for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time in their entire lives. Although, I would love a longer break sometimes, we just don't have family around that can watch them for us. The best thing you can do right now is stay right on track and keep using him as your motivation to stay away from any kind of addictive substance.

I pray that you will find inner peace, love and that God will bless you with strength as well. Life is too short. Watch, your 20s will fly by ...don't blink and stay on the right path.

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