Need some advice on my 3 year old!

Mell - posted on 04/17/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )




I have a 2 year old son, he will be 4 this august and is currently at nursery.
I need some advice though on his behaviour!
When its just me, his dad and him he is usually very well behaved although he has his moments.
If you tell him off or say he cant have something he wants he will grow at you! (no idea where he got this from) and pull the meanest face, he does it when hes playing with other children aswell, if they arent playing his game properly etc hell get really angry about it.
If i put him into a time out he will start crying/ screaming/growling at me and if its particullarly bad hell grab at me, hit me he even gets so wound up he started shaking, grabbed my arm and started trying to bite me.
Ive had to put him in his room for TO and he threw books at me barracaded the door and started throwing himself into it whilst i was half way out of it.
He also wets himself when he gets told off or put into timeout.
Hes been in trouble at nursery once for pushing a girl over because she wanted the same toy as him and then another time for punching a child in the face giving him a bleeding lip also because he didnt want to share what he had.
His teachers say hes a lovely boy though, which he is.
He got into a fight with another boy older than him once whilst we were out at one of those indoor adventure places when he was 2 and a half, My nephew came out and told me but when i went in there the childs mother was shouting at my son and swearing at him!
People often think my son is atleast 5 years old because he is so big for his age.
It seems he only has problem withs kids his own age or older really, he loves younger children and adores babys always wanting to cuddle them and following them around.

Hes always running about jumping off things, he is constantly falling over he trips over his own feet sometimes when hes walking he broke one of his front teeth from throwing himself off a table.

No one can tell him off without him constantly screaming for me even if i tell him off hell grab me and start crying/screaming.
Ive had people tell me i should get him tested for adhd etc, but my mum who aparrently he is perfect around says its all because i dont spend enough time with him! which is not true at all, my younger brother had ADHD and his behaviour was much worse according to my mum but he was great with my nan.

You would think i starve him also because he's always hungry! Anyones house we go to one of the first things he will say is 'Im hungry' then go off looking for food even if he just had dinner! .

When he isnt having these moments, hes a lovely boy hes kind, smart has a great vocabulary, hes very imaginative and independent! Hell make his own cereal and juice etc, and he is great at dinner times he is not fussy at all hes a joy to be around but its just his 'bad' behaviour thats letting him down.

Sorry if ive gone on a bit :)

Has anyone got any advice? Im running out of things to try x


[deleted account]

Kids go through growing pains. Children have to test the limits. Stand your ground and keep talking to him and do what ever disipline measure you have in place. BE CONSISTANT! Thats the most important.

Patty - posted on 04/23/2011




all kids will test you to the limits and time out is not for everyone. but if he starts hurting you or others, you just can't stand by and let him do it. Explain that it is wrong, if he throws a tantrum, try ignoring it and acting like it isn't happening. Most kids are not good at sharing even at 4-5 really, especially if it is his own toys. Maybe try instead of time outs, taking away things he really likes/wants. And always stand by what you say. If you are out in a play area, tell him if he doesn't stop and be nice to others, he has to go home. and then do it. Follow-thru is the most important thing. He is probably only having problems with older children because the younger ones don't defend their toys etc and just let him have them. On food, that is growth spurts and my daughter grazes all day long non stop. Big thing is being patient and don't show your temper to him, otherwise it shows him it is okay to show his temper also.

Nikki - posted on 04/18/2011




My son sounds very similar to yours Mel, i have also been told by his nan that he could have add/adhd (his father has it)i refuse to label him with it as i think it comes down to he just wants constant attention and when things dont go his way he throws tantrums, screams and jumps around like a monkey. I have also come to the conclusion he is just a very head strong boy and he doesnt know how to express what he is feeling and how to voice what he wants out of a situation... we can just hope with the right guidance and continual discpline on whats right and wrong we will have healthy happy boys that learn ways of expressing them selves with out hurting and tantrums... does he have issues making friends because he is very full on and the older kids dont quite get where he is coming from??

Jenni - posted on 04/18/2011




You cannot diagnosis a toddler or preschooler with adhd, add or odd. It is not recommended to diagnose a child under the age of 7 with these disorders.
because all children under 7 can exhibit any number of the symptoms associated with these disorders:


1. often loses temper;
2. often argues with adults;
3. often actively defies or refuses to comply with adult requests or rules;
4. often deliberately annoys people;
5. often blames others for mistakes or misbehavior;
6. is often touchy or easily annoyed by others;
7. is often angry and resentful;
8. is often spiteful and vindictive;


inability to sustain attention and concentration (inattention)
developmentally inappropriate levels of activity (hyperactivity)

All of these symptoms can be easily applied to any toddler/preschooler and it can be completely developmentally 'normal'. It's when the child doesn't grow out of this developmental stage when it can be diagnosed as a disorder. A responsible doctor will refuse to diagnose your child with a behavioural disorder until he is around 7 and rightly so. As in a toddler/preschooler these behaviours are completely normal. You may just have a high spirited child. Don't jump the gun and medicate him unnecessarily. Practice consistant discipline and provide him with clear expectations you have for his behaviour.

To sum it up... ADD or ADHD is typically a diagnosis for children who never grow out of the developmental terrible twos.

Here's a site if you'd like to read further about ad(h)d.


View replies by

Jane - posted on 05/02/2011




Other than to repeat what others have said about consistency and not tolerating bad behavior, you might consider setting up a snack cabinet. We had one low down where the kids could reach it. Anything in there was fair game for the kids to eat at any time. All the snacks were healthy ones so if eaten instead of dinner, no harm was done. This gives kids a level of control, which may be important. Some bad behavior is the result of the child feeling a lack of control.

He does sound as though he may have some of the traits of ADHD or ODD, but it is indeed too early to tell. You might start to keep a notebook of his moods and what sets off his bad ones. That way you may be able to discern a pattern and thus help him to avoid situations that set him off.

And don't be afraid to deal with bad behavior immediately. Make sure he knows that bad behavior will bring a screeching halt to whatever activity he is doing. Leave the park, leave parties, leave stores, or wherever. Tell him he has a choice, behave and stay, or misbehave and go. If he does the latter, tell him he has made his choice and go. That may help him feel that his behavior is under his control, and thus whether he has fun or not is also under his control.

Good luck!

Ann - posted on 04/23/2011




Honestly when i read this i thought you where talking about my daughter lol.

She does everything on the list you have and some more. Im often told by people i need to be a bit more strict with her which I ignore.

Although i do draw the line about asking for food, there has even been an occasion where i had her at the park and had sandwiches, juice, crisps, apple in her bag all for her when i asked if she wanted it she said no, then goes up to a complete stranger and asked him for popcorn, I have to say i lost my temper and gave her a short sharp smack on the leg for it.

She also does not share her toys with her friends and wants what anyone else has, when she does this i usually just tell her no, if she shouts screams then i ignore it or put her up on the sofa for a time out. Slowly shes learning not to do it but its all about repetition i think

Toni - posted on 04/18/2011




You obviously know your son well, so there is no way that you arent spending enough time with him.
I'll start with the easiest thing, ALL boys are always hungry, especially when they are away from 'their' house. There is nothing to worry about there.
As for the behavior problems, it could be many different things.
It is possible that he is just a normal toddler that doesnt know how to appropriately show how he is feeling. It is also possible that he may have ADHD or ADD. If you are worried about it, talk to a doctor.
You sound like a very good mum, so dont worry that you have caused this to happen. ADHD and ADD run in families, and you said that your brother had it. It may only run in the male side of the family.
Try for a girl next :)
Good luck, and I hope Ive been helpful

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