Planning for child #2

Les - posted on 06/22/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I really want to start trying for baby #2 but am worried I won't be able to handle the stress of having a child with a major health issue and a new baby. I want my little girl to have all the wonderful benefits of a sibling but don't know how I could be a great mom to both at the same time with even less sleep than I get now. Should I try for #2 or let my little girl be an only child and my full attention?

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Cheryl - posted on 06/27/2013

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I'm sorry but I can't answer that question for you. Only you know the answer to that. I'm not sure what health issue your daughter has but have you looked into any assistance that you may be able to get i.e. monetary and or another set of hands? Do you have family support? It sounds to me like you want to have another one but you are worried about how it is going to work. Maybe look into ways that you can make it work, may be through using other people's assistance. If you are anything like me, having a back-up plan or a set of ideas that will allow you to cope, will help remove the worry. How much sleep do you need? Can you get help one afternoon a week and then you sleep during that time (and make sure you sleep)! I guess what I'm trying to say is work out what you need - to make yourself happy and work out a plan to make that happen (as hard as that may be). It's the old scenario of when the plane crashes what are you going to do? Most say put on the kids oxygen mask - wrong you are dead now. You need to look after your basic needs first and then the rest will fall into place. I hope this helps. Stay strong you are doing a great job and even with another child you will still be great!

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Les - posted on 07/14/2013

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Thank you all so much for all of your opinions! I am an only child myself and have always longed for a sibling. I grew up in a big family with lots of cousins but now that we all are grown that closeness has washed away and it's just me and my husband pretty much. Our parents are older and help in their own ways but not so much with child care as my daughter is definitely a handful!
I know that she would love to have a baby to "care" for and grow up with, and I think you are right about the first few years will be the toughest but so worth it! We've only been dealing with her health issues for 10 months now and it has really thrown me for a loop. I know no one plans on having a child with extra needs and health concerns but I definitely hit a brick wall when it became the case for us! I had to redefine the kind of mother I always knew I would be. I started questioning everything I did, thought and believed and I lost site of the big picture! We have an amazing life and having another sweet addition will only make things that much brighter for all of us!
Thank you all so much! It's nice to be able to come to a place like this and have an objective discussion.

Stephanie - posted on 07/14/2013

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Hi, i have three beautiful daughters. My oldest has special needs both physically and mentally, but is doing awesome!!!! She is going to be 9 next month. I always knew that i wanted 3 or 4 kids and wasn't going to let her needs stop me if at all possible. I did plan my second pregnancy at a time when she was at a place that i felt i could handle it and you just take it day by day from there. Im sooooo glad i had more kids. My firls love each other, of course they fight like siblings also, but i wouldn't trade it for anything. Im an only child and i have to care for my disabled father all by myself. It was lonely growing up without a sibling. I was very lucky to have a cousin the same age and we were best friends, but without her i would've been very sad and lonely growing up. I want my daughters to have family when im gone and to have each other to support as they get older. I cant say its the right decision for you but it has been a great benefit for my daughters development. Make sure you take care of yourself and get all the support you can. Best of luck!

Meritxell - posted on 07/09/2013

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Hi Les, I think all mothers have the same worry when they decide to start trying for a second baby. But in your case it's a greater responsibility because of the major health issue of your child.
I think it doesn't matter if you are an only child, you always will have cousins, uncles, friends... but on the other hand, with a brother or sister you have more confidence and familiarity.
If I were you, I will make sure as much as possible if my new baby can have a major health issue too, and if at first there is no greater problem than any other pregnancy, I will star tryieng for a new baby.
You will have some more stress during two or three years, but later both childs will be friends and will play and care for each other. And you will be more relaxed.
(sorry if I not write very well in English, I'm a spanish mother and I try to do the best I can)

Bunny - posted on 06/30/2013

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First of all I do agree with you about the benefits of having a sibling. Second if your asking if you will be a great mom to both at the same time, showing concern now already means you are. For the rest its kinda up to you. Nobody knows your situation better than yourself. Are you an only parent if so do you have someone who can help out with two kids, friends or family. Married or just a couple, if both of you want another baby then the two of you will work it out. You are not alone their are so many moms including myself that ask that question when it comes to deciding on having more than one child. Last thing though you mentioned a major health issue. Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your little ones. Take the time you need to get better and I hope you do. Then maybe think of the second pitter patter of little feet.

Laura - posted on 06/26/2013

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I'm not sure what health issue your daughter is facing but I wish you all the best. It is difficult at times to raise two children regardless of what types of issues they may face. Having more than one child offers great benefits for a family but it comes with challenges as well.
When I was deciding if I should have a second child one of the main things I considered was the long term benefit for the children. It is easy not to think about a day and time when we won't be here for our children anymore (hopefully not until we've seen those grand-babies) but I wanted my son to have family in this world when I am no longer here to lend support and love. A sibling is a way to hopefully insure that he will always have family.
As for your attention, full or otherwise, if you choose to have a second child you will have times when you are exhausted beyond all reason and unable to give much of yourself but more often you will find that your ability to give to your children increases to allow "enough" for any and all.

Dannica - posted on 06/26/2013

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I would say an only child. My husband and I decided to stop w our son and I couldn't be more thrilled! He'll get more attention and focus, a better education and way more money for college and more support from us! Plus we can take him on killer vacations w us! There are always play groups, cousins, neighbor kids, school friends, sports friends, camp, ECT! You'll have the time, attention and patients to give your only child everything she needs and deserves

Aliza - posted on 06/25/2013

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Siblings are awesome! And also it'll be easier for you in the long run. Yes having more babes is more work but having only one means you will be the play buddy ALL the time. I got pregnant 2 weeks after my wedding and my daughter now 28 months has always been a handful. I found out when she was 7 months old that I was a month pregnant again I almost had a heart attack! I was totally overwhelmed with my daughter as it was and then had to tackle morning sickness with a "spirited" little baby. I don't live near family and don't have help. So now I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. And when they play nicely together and I hear them giggling its the most rewarding sound. I'd say give your little princess the gift of a life long buddy :-)
You have more than enough love to go around 💗💗

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 06/22/2013

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Hi, i have a 16 month old daughter and am currently 6 months pregnant with my 2nd. I too worry how I will be able to balance my two young children and give them each what they deserve. I've come to realize the love you feel for your kids will give you the strength to handle the exhaustion that comes along with being a mom. You will have your difficulties but if you have strong desires for another child then you will make it work! I think my daughter will benefit from having a sibling only 20 months apart in age and have a best friend to grow up with. The beginning will be tough consiterating the night feedings with the new one, but it will be easier after that. Moms are capable of incredible things bc of the amazing powers of a mommas love is the most powerful thing on this planet!

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