Should i feel bad because i am asking my son's father to pay child support?

Kammee - posted on 04/12/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I found out i was pregnant in 2010 by my boyfriend at the time, when i told him he just left me high and dry. He wouldn't return my phone calls or answer my text, I heard through mutual friends that he had a new girlfriend. Finally when i was about 6 months pregnant he called and wanted to talk so i agreed and he pretty much told me he wanted to sign his rights over etc. I was hurt and so confused why somone could literally be so selfish to abandon a girl that was pregnant with his child and want to give up rights to a baby that he made! So after that i figured the best thing for me and my unborn baby was to move back home which is in another state ( only 3 hours away from his father) I let him and his family know what i was planning on doing. His parents understood and agreed thats where i needed to be, but i promised i would keep them updated on everything. His parents were very nice and have from the start wanted to be in my son's life. So i moved home at 7 months pregnant never heard a word from his father but stayed in touch with his mom. When i had my son i called her and let her know and she told her son that he had a new son. All i got was a text from him 2 weeks later saying "Congrats". Being a new mom was very hard for me and a huge change! I have from day one tried to do everything possible for my son because i feel guilty because its my fault he was born into a broken family from the start. Well i filed for custody and my dad hired a lawyer to do all the paper work and my son's father was served, he didnt bother to respond so it just went into default. He is required to pay $360 child support per month plus 50% of all daycare related cost. I started working full time 2 months after i had my son making barely above miniumun wage but i made sure all my bills were paid and my son had clothes and diapers etc. I did not want to go on welfare because i was capable of working even though i qualify. I have never stopped his parents from coming and seeing there grandchild, and no matter what i can't change who my son's father is so he needs to know his father;'s side of the family. Even thoough in the custody order it states the father is responsible for all transportation when excerising his visiatation rights i would meet his parents half way and let them take him for the day or actually drive him all the way up to them and let them see him.. My son's father never came with his parents or cared to ask how he is doing. Whenever he would get caught working somewhere for them to garnish his wages he would wither quit or just be a bum and not work. Now my son is 2 and he all of a sudden wants to be a dad, well i swallowed my pride (Even though i would love to say no because of how he has treated my son and I) and let him see him and told him PLEASE if your really want to be a father to our son PLEASE PLEASE be consistent don't just see him once and then go 6 months without seeing him, its to hard on our son and confusing if he there and then not. Well he promised he was going to see him every other weekand and be a consistent presence in our son's life. He also had a job and ORS started garnishing his wages well he took him ONCE and come to find out he was just trying to impress a new girlfriend and since they broke up he had no use for my son anymore! I was so hurt especially for my son! And to make matters even better he just up and quit his job telling me he is going to start school full time so he wont be paying child support for 4 years! I have tried so many times to work with him and give him chance after chance to get on his feet but when i say "Hey you need to start paying child support" He tells me im selfish and that im only concerned about myself not about my son or else i wouldnt be asking for money. Well i want to be able to move out of my parents house one day but i can't when i am using every last dime that i make to support both me and my son. IS it to much to ask for him to help? I finally decided i was going to take him for contempt of court this last month for not paying child support/daycare/hospital bills and when he got served he has not stopped texting me telling me i am the worst human being ever, all im trying to do is suck him dry of all his money, it's my fault for moving back home and im the reason why he doesn't get to see his son becasuse i MADE the choice to move away, he will make sure to tell his son when he gets older how i kept him from him and thats why he was never around (Which is such a lie i have always encouraged visitations with his son and NEVER have said no to him or his parents reagrding visitation) Well his mother called saying that she was going to call ORS and make a 200 dollar payment towards child support basically if i would drop the contempt charges, i told her no i'm sorry but my son's father needs to be held responisble for taking care of his son etc. I have given him plenty of chances and he just has excuse after excuse of why he can't pay etc. Well since i refused to drop the contempt charges he never paid the money she said she would, i just dont get it do they think raising a kid is free? Why do they make me feel like i am being greedy and selfish to ask for help supporting my son? Why does my son's father get to go out everynight, date, never being responsible when i didnt get pregnant on my own? Then come to find out my son's father bought a motorcycle last summer, goes to concerts, went on a Cruise in feburary with his family to Hondurus and he proudly posts all this stuff on facebook! So now as the days get closer to the court hearing i have decided to put my foot down and not accomadate them as much as i use too. If they want to see there grandchild then they can come pick him up and bring him back as per the custody order. I dont have the money to spend driving so they can see there grandchild.They never give me gas money and they just expect i should meet them or accomadate them whenever. Sorry for the book i just wrote but i wanted to give the jist of everything so you guys can give me ur best advice. Am i wrong to demand my son's father pay child support?

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Shasta - posted on 04/12/2013

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No, you are not wrong. It takes 2 to make a baby and there is nothing wrong with wanting the biological father to pay child support. You have to stop listening to the negative stuff that he says. He is only trying to make you stop what you are doing so he doesn't have to pay. Put your foot down with his parents as well. Although they can't do everything for him, they should have instilled in him the knowledge to do what is responsible. I think that was kind of you to even continue to include his parents in on their grandchild. But I wouldn't let them take advantage of the situation. If you don't have the money to take him back and forth, do what the custody order says. But once you start doing what the custody order says, don't slack up on it. Some how I assume that wil be taken advantage of as well. As long as you continue to do what is in your power to do for your son, he will be alright. I am a single mother of 3 boys and although the dad is paying child support, I am still pretty much raising them on my own. You can't worry about the freedom he has because you will end up being angry about the unfairness all the time and that is not good for you or your son (children feel mom's emotions). Continue doing what you need to do, stop looking at his facebook or even worrying about him. I suggest getting some sort of support system for yourself. You need people who are going to encourage you to keep going, because it does get rough, and to let you know you are doing a good job. Everything takes time and I know you want to move out of your parent's house but take it day by day. (Your son's father is going to miss out on so much...but that is his fault not yours.) Take care!

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