should I let my in laws see my son?

Brittany - posted on 06/03/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I don't even know where begin... I've had an on and off relationship with my MIL and SIL for the past 9 years. They are all about the drama, he said she said, high school crap, which I am not but I've given them chances to make family functions easier and I get burned every time. My SIL and I haven't been getting along for about 2 years now due to her negative attitude and talking about me behind my back. She deleted me from her facebook but has been writing nasty things about me and other family members when she's on the outs with them. Recently she wrote how she's going to have another nephew that she can't see... In the past 2 years she's asked to take my son once and I let her. Other than that she has made no attempt to see him or anything. I told her she could come to the house and see him since I wouldn't let him go to her house due to her husband being on and off drugs and their history of abuse, this made me a jerk and she chose to just not see him. Then she's prying for information about me from her sister which I've told to tell her mind her own business or if she'd like to know about my life call and ask me. I'm fed up with her always being the victim and making me out to be the jerk. I don't know if I should just let her continue to be an idiot or start WW3 by saying something.
On to my MIL... Our landlord sold our house and didn't tell us so we had 30 days to move and I was all set on moving in with my dad until she offered her house. At this time her and I barely got along, the only reason we were talking again was b/c I had my son and my husband felt that his mom should meet our son. I was totally against it but was too weak to put up a fight. So we moved in with her after a huge fight and I sucked it up and got along with her until her laziness pushed me to my limits and we told her I was pregnant and it was a high risk pregnancy, her response was "At least I'll get to be there for the birth of this one" and there was a huge fight. I really couldn't care less if I ever see her again and wish I would've stood my ground from the begining so my son wouldn't be caught in the middle... This where my question comes in.... She's one of those people who makes hersef out to be the greatest mother, grandmother, whatever but she's not. The whole time we lived there she would sleep until 1 pm and my son would be down for a nap and by the time he got up she would be gone but she made it out to everyone she saw him everyday and the played and whatever... not true! Maybe once a week she would see him for like 10 minutes. Whenever she would take him her boyfriend would be the one taking care of my son while she was on the phone, outside smoking or doing whatever so she never spent any quality time with him. for 3 weeks she said she would do something with him and blew him off.... the first time was when she told him after she got out of work they would do something but she went to the bar instead, next week same thing but she went out to dinner and then the next week she told him on Sat she would make cookies with him tomorrow and then she went and did something with my neices and had them up the tuesday after and made the cookies with them while we weren't home... ticked me off!! Then the topper that pushed me over the edge was after we had our fight and were moving out we were eating dinner and she came out of her room and made a face at my son and as he yelled nana nana nana she ignored him and went outside!!! That pissed me off so bad, if I wasn't pregnant I probably would have gona outside and attacked her!! My son is 2 and doesn't know what's going on. He hasn't done anything and shouldn't get treated like that! After we moved out she told everyone I kept him from her the last 2 weeks we lived there but I took him downstairs everyday to eat and she chose to stay in her room and not come out. It's been 3 months and she hasn't made an attempt to see him until the friday before memorial day she wanted him sunday, which I had already made plans and I don't think she deserves to see him anyway. Also I feel she just takes her grandkids so she can say she did it b/c like I said she pawns the responsibility of watching them onto her BF. She's been an a-hole to her children and hasn't changed and I don't want to continue the drama and put my son through the crap I've seen my neices go through b/c she can't get along with her daughter. If I thought it was in my sons best interest to see her then I would put my own feelings aside and let him go but I don't... Am I wrong? What would you guys do? Thanks for your help :)

7 Comments

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Patricia - posted on 06/06/2012

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you are right she is no kind of person to have around your kids i feel for you i have amil fil sil and bil from hell to

Kelina - posted on 06/04/2012

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No I think you're right not to let him see her. I love my dad but I'd never let him babysit and he's never made an effort to get to know my kids. As for your husband, some men simply can't stand up to family. I married one of those. After several long talks, where I tried to stay as calm as possible my husband finally seems to be getting where I'm coming from. It's only taken the two years since I started complaining about the things his parents did with our kids lol.

Brittany - posted on 06/04/2012

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Thanks ladies... As far as talking to my husband goes, it's a lost cause. One minute he's on the same page as me and then the next he feels bad and changes his mind, which totally irritates me after all the horrible things she's put him through. She's been the only one he's had so he feels he owes her for some reason. She swore up and down this man was his father and at 20 they did a dna test after he bonded with the family and the guy wasn't my husbands father, he was crushed to say the least.

Kaity - posted on 06/04/2012

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Stick to your guns. If she's as irresponsible as she seems, then i would NEVER let her have him without me there. I'd invite her over to bake cookies or whatever. If she blows you off, i'd implement the 3 strikes and you're out! Meaning, you wouldn't be making any sort of attempts at letting her see her grandchild. Talk to your husband about it. Be strong and make him take you seriously. With your Sister in law, again I'd be firm and serious. I'd simply ask her in the nicest way possible to stop talking badly about you, or she wont see her nephew. And with having him over at her house with the druggie boyfriend, absolutely not. That is not a safe place. If she wants to spend time with him have her meet you guys at a park or something.

Amanda - posted on 06/03/2012

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This is definitely something that you and your husband should talk about first and foremost. Other than that, invite her to your place, or meet in a public place so she can spend time with your son. If I were you, I'd be worried about sending my son with her because if no one else is around, what might happen? While it would be great for people to see the type of person she really is, it is not great for it to happen at your son's expense.

Medic - posted on 06/03/2012

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Stand your ground. Get your husband and talk it out and come to common ground then be a united front.

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