Spanking, what are your thoughts?

Selena - posted on 07/04/2011 ( 106 moms have responded )

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How do you feel when you see a mom out in a store or restaurant and their child is completely acting out and every one is shaking their head at the mom? I think It is crazy to let a child act like that. I also believe that if you allow it to continue then the child will grow up to be very disrespectful to you and others. Then what happens when the run into someone who will not deal with that? what happens when the child gets to school? These are the children who are bullying other children thinking they are supposed to always get their way!



Let me also add because some of you are taking my post the wrong way. I am NOT talking about parents with children who have special needs. Nor do I want to here horror stories of a parents childhood. I do believe in spanking with a whole heart. However I DO NOT believe in hitting children in the face or spanking them with objects other than a belt. I DO NOT agree with spanking children anywhere other than there bottoms, and yes if I have to spank in public I have no problem with that. I would love for some stranger who thinks they have wrote the bible on parenting come up to me and try to utter their opinion to me. People, please get over it! I'm not condoning child abuse because there is a difference, I'm just saying this is my choice, my child and unless you clearly see a child being abused then mind your own business!!!!!

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Kiley - posted on 07/06/2011

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Parents who spank need to learn to
control situations without resorting to physical punishment. Think about the message you give a child when you strike them for discipline. I am an educator and can usually tell which children get spanked, and not in a good way. In the early years, many children who get spanked had trouble w/ hitting. That becomes the only way they have to tell their peers, "Hey, don't do that." Not healthy. My personal opinion is that it is abusive. My daughter and students ate very respectful, intelligent and mature and over-all vert well behaved children and I would never, ever hit, pinch, threaten etc.

Jessica - posted on 07/06/2011

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Well it is normal for children to act out because thats how they learn about feelings first of all and as parents we are there role models if we spank because they are angry or sad then we are teaching them to hit someone if they are sad or angry. this is when the children grow up to direspect because us parents are thier role models this is when some children become out of control and start hitting parents. There are other ways to prevent acting out behaviors such as setting limits, consequences and time outs. Oh one more thing routines and being consistant is the key to parenting also. As for bullies these are children that need of some type of control because maybe of unstable home, abuse and ect but as parents you can educate your child how to avoid bullies and if it gets too out of control then parents need to advocate for the child with the child present this teaches as I stated in the begining we are thier role models they will developement strength to stand up for themselves.

Katherine - posted on 08/10/2011

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Am I seeing this right? Beat their ass? Taken them down a few pegs? That's child abuse! Are you flippin kidding me? I'm totally floored by some of the responses. It's not the kids that have issues it's the parents!

Rebekah - posted on 07/05/2011

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Personally, if I saw a mom that was distressed because of an irate child, I'd go up to see if she needed any help and help her calm the child down. I think we are too quick to judge and turn an eye that is mean, than we are to see if there is something we can do. I still believe in it takes a community to raise a child - maybe we need to learn to offer a helping hand more often.

I personally do not see anything wrong with spanking as long as it is last resort. But our society has changed the rules on this and parents have to be very careful if they choose this type of discipline.

There are ways to get your child to mind without spanking and they do work.

Jenni - posted on 08/12/2011

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Oh he's 15? I must have read that wrong I thought she said he was 11. In my country your form of 'discipline' (and I use that term loosely because it means 'to teach' and all your teaching him is you solve conflicts by beating the person.) would be illegal and consider abuse by law for two reasons... you're hitting a teenager (person over 12) and using a tool (belt).

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Amanda - posted on 08/16/2011

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I agree with you 100%! There are sometimes when you just have to spank your child. You have to teach them that you are the one in charge, not them. It doesn't have to be a beating but a little pop on the rear never hurt anyone! I used to work in retail and saw kids pitching fits and acting out, my brother and I would have been terrified to do that in public cause my mom and dad would have spanked us right away and that wasn't something we wanted! Your kids have to learn discipline and respect and if you don't teach it to them then who will?

Jenni - posted on 08/16/2011

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Jennifer, I hope that Dr. Phil comment wasn't directed at me. Because I dont watch Dr. Phil and can't stand the guy. All he does is preach common sense to morons. Trainwreck TV.



Discipline does not equal spanking. Discipline comes from 'disciple' which means 'to teach' (proper conduct). Which can be achieved without spanking.



I do agree that undisciplined children and ABUSED childred lead to violent, problem children/adults in society.



But if you are assuming that it's because parents are opting out of spanking. You're mistaken. Spanking is alive and well in today's society. Infact studies of shown up to 90% of parents use spanking as a form of discipline. Even if the number of parents who used corporal punishment was decreasing, correlation does not equal causation. Infact, there are tons of studies that suggest otherwise. Positive discipline leads to positive children and adults.



Gangs are related to poverty. Increase in poverty is directly linked to increase in crime.



Children who are abused are more likely to become criminals. Children who come from loving, involved homes are less likely to engage in criminal activity.



Another study showed that 85% of the US prison population were spanked as children.



I'm in Canada... we really don't have an issue with gangs over here or gun violence.



As for the Bible quote you're referring to. It is completely up for interpretation. You have to understand the context of the culture of the time and the original Hebrew text of the passage. I find it funny that people claim the Bible is specific when it is a book written for a culture over 2000 years ago, translated 100s of times, and rewritten to suit human agendas.



If it is specific, why don't you spank your child with a rod?

Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2011

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You can not spank a 15 year old boy, you just can't. Spanking and discipline should be well ingrained before that. A fifteen year old is absolutely not a candidate for spanking, especially by a step mother..MY guess is your bigger than him and he is small and shy and you have fun doing this..your sick and you need help...And so does your step son if he is ever gonna get this rage out of him. This is unacceptable. And just so you know I have a horrible step son, and he came to us at 14 when his mom threw him out for a man...he was angry..in two months he was a straight a student, he respected us, because we respected him. you need to re evaluate how you punish before its really too late and you ruin this child.

Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2011

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That sounds word for word what Dr PiIl says. Look around you at all the troubled kids in our world this would not be an epidemic of bad kids, bully's and gangs if parents disciplined their kids better. 15 years ago you wouldn't hear very much about this because parents were hands on and disciplined their kids.
I get parents have to work to support family in these times, but often I would have to say, and my friends included, should not have kids if they can't aford them or make them productive members of society.
You would not be able to tell my kids are spanked because it happens at the most egregious of errors...as my parents did and as should be done...there is nothing wronge with normal spanking...dont mean to get religious but the bible is very spacific that it is to be on the bottom, because the bottom has a lot of fat and muscle and it may hurt for a second but not much longer...if done in proportion to discipline' and not abuse.

Nicole - posted on 08/15/2011

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I WAS SPANKED AS A CHILD AND I AM OK MY CHILD IS SPANKED AS A LAST RESORT AND SHE IS FINE. THREE SWATS ON THE HINEY AND THAT'S IT. I TO HAVE BEEN ON THE DIRTY LOOKS AND SCOFFS END AND I DONT CARE. IF MY CHILD OR THE CHILDREN THAT ARE WITH ME ARE NOT ACTING APPROPRIATE IN PUBLIC AND I HAVE EXHAUSTED ALL OTHER EFFORTS I WILL POP THEM ON THE BUTT. I DONT CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME, I WAS ONCE IN DHS AND POPPED MY NEPHEW OF THE BUTT FOR KICKING ME IN THE STOMACH WHEN I WENT TO PICK HIM UP TO LEAVE. I DARE ANYONE TO QUESTION MY METHODS. PLUS ITS NOT HOW SOFT OR HOW HARD U SPANK THEM ITS THE ATTITUDE U ARE PROJECTING AS THAT HAND HITS THE BOTTOM THAT GETS THEM.

Jenny - posted on 08/15/2011

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I believe in spanking if they do something really bad or have been warned alot. My daughter is almost 2 so its just a little more than a pat and with her diaper she barely even feels it but it gets the point across.

Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2011

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I was spanked as a child, not beat, spanked when I needed it. I am a believer in spanking, and if it is necessary I will do it in public. My children are generally good kids, but there are times that deserve a time out, times that deserve being grounded and other forms of punishment, and times that deserve a spanking, on the butt. When I have spanked my kids in public and gotten stares of "how could you" I don't care. IT is legal in my state and I will do what I have to to make my wonderful children decent members of our society, and not hoodlums who don't participate well in society. Some of you should read before you speak, she was very clear she did not mean disabled children....I am behind you 100%

Jenni - posted on 08/15/2011

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I find it a common misconception that I choose not to spank my children because I just happened to luck out and my kids don't need it.



No.... I don't spank because I feel it's wrong, an unacceptable form of discipline for my family, ineffective in the goals I have for my children (which is to learn why they shouldn't engage in a particular behaviour, not to avoid it because they fear punishment by me, their parent).



It isn't because I am blessed with well-behaved children. I work damn hard to earn my children's trust, respect and love. I work damn hard to devise logical consequences for negative behaviours. I work damn hard to devise strategies that will improve my children's behaviour. I work damn hard to guide and teach my children the tools they need to be emotionally fit, functional, happy, self-reliant, positive decision-making adults.



Spanking is never an option in my house. Before I even had kids I never viewed it as an option. There are a million and one ways I can find to discipline my children before settling on spanking.



I have one very eager to please SD. Some would say she's an easy child. She rarely requires correction. I have a 15 month old daughter who seems to be following in her footsteps.



But my son is highly emotionally, sensitive and strong-willed. Some would say he is an extremely difficult child. He has been a LOT of work. But he's worth it, to put in my extra time and effort. And my patience and consistancy boasts phenominal results.



He requires specific discipline to teach him the appropriate tools to handle strong emotions. To think before he acts. To take a break from the action when he becomes emotionally overwhelmed. He needs to feel he has some control over his life and decisions. He responds better to directions given to him in a whisper, or correction in a whisper so he can concentrate on the message without being overwhelmed with emotions. I understand my child's specific disciplinary needs.



He takes his own 'timeouts' when he is angry/upset before reacting negatively.

He is always concerned about other's feelings and looks for ways to make them feel happy.

He is extremely well-behaved in public (probably more so than at home with me! lol) quiet, polite, tantrums are extremely rare or short-lived, he doesn't ask for things, he leaves places without throwing fits.....



I'm not saying these things to brag about my child, but to prove a point... and like I said; he's 3... he still has his moments and meltdowns but he's come so far.



I would consider myself a strict parent, I run a tight ship. I watch many, many of my children's peers engage in behaviours I wouldn't allow or discourage.



My point is; even difficult children can be raised to be at par if not surpass their peers in behaviour without having to raise your hand to them.

Kyrstol - posted on 08/15/2011

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I agree that there if there is a need for it, spanking is fine. Sometimes it needs to be done. My son is very stubborn and likes to have a smart mouth even at 3. I was spanked as a child even til I was in middle school if I needed it. Today parents are taking a different route and sometimes it works for them and their children but not for all. If your child doesnt need it then thats awesome but some clearly do and do not receive it. Im a firm believer in corporal punishment.

Rosie - posted on 08/14/2011

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i think it's crazy to let a child act like that, but i also think it's crazy to think that hitting your child is going to make everything all better.
hitting does nothing but make your child fear you. it's effective short term sure, but so is actually parenting your child, and it has long term results. i despise whoever though of this form of "discipline"

Erica - posted on 08/13/2011

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I dont spank on the other hand, I just take away there things it seems to work with my kids, but I know everyone is different.

Jenni - posted on 08/13/2011

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"I DO NOT believe in hitting children in the face or spanking them with objects other than a belt." -- In my region that would be considered crossing the line into abuse.

Cindy - posted on 08/13/2011

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I agree with you. A child should NOT be disrespectful under any circumstance. Yes there is a HUGE difference between spanking and child abuse!

Kristina - posted on 08/12/2011

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I tell my son do you want to go to the bathroom and if he keeps acting up thats exactly what we do. We take him to the bathroom and spank him. I personally think thats whats wrong with a lot of the kids these days. They act up and act up and dont even get their hands smacked for it. Im just saying I was smacked for acting out when I was younger and so was everyone I know. These kids now days dont have any respect because they arent taught to. Anyone whose got a problem with it than thats fine. But I am my childrens Mom and I will spank them no matter what people say or think. Simple as that!

Kim - posted on 08/11/2011

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OMG, Sarah!!! I'm actually sick to my stomach reading your post. I'm also very sad for you and your SS. Speaking from experience, it sounds to me like he is lashing out and acting out for attention. Clearly, negative behavior begets negative attention but he is getting your and his father's attention nonetheless. He is using this behavior and resulting punishments as an excuse to shut himself off further from you all emotionally, I just hope it's not too late to seek help and therapy for you all. Just to be clear, I completely disagree with your form of punishment and find it appalling. Please for SS's sake and yours and that of your marriage and his relationship with his father, please seek help from a professional. You both need better tools to deal with a 15 year old with such behavorial issues, at this point I have no doubt most of which you are perpetuating with your abuse. I just hope it's not too late for your family. I do speak from experience, I'm not just lashing out at you, I am sincerely concerned. I have raised a son who just turned 18 and moved away from home and is now in the Marine Corps so I do know what it is like to deal with teenage male behavior. I am also raising a SS (since he was 5) who is now almost 9 years old and has behavioral and emotional issues. It takes patience and love and compassion and did I mention PATIENCE? We had to seek help from a behavior modification specialist when he was in Kindergarten but it was well worth the time and effort. We were taught tools and techniques to deal with his behavior and emotional oubursts. It's an on-going process. He still has problems that we know stem from feeling abandoned by his BioMom, having a step-mom and a dad in the Army who unfortunately has to be gone sometimes and a slew of other things that little boys don't have the maturity and emotional capacity to deal with. My SS is younger and we have been working with him for years now and got on top of it early so I urge you at this point to seek family counseling and professional help. I completely strayed from the original topic which is spanking and I am not against spanking when the bad behavior warrants a spanking. We use timeout and other consequences such as loss of fun activities, toys, etc. But there are times when yes, a swat or two on the bottom with my open hand is necessary. There have been occasions when they just get belligerent and rude and yell at us and yes, they get spanked for that. But not as the norm. I have swatted them in public when they were a bit younger b/c they were testing their boundaries and I had to let them know I was serious about the rules but haven't had to do that in a LONG time. We set rules, are consistent and firm and MOST of the time we have well behaved children. They are children after all, not programed robots.

Jenni - posted on 08/11/2011

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Omigod Sarah! Gah! I am crazy shocked right now. I have no words.



You hit your SS and then wonder why he clocks another child in an argument???

Because he learned from you and his father that, that's how you solve conflict!!!! So what do you do?? Beat him harder and then...... laugh and make sick jokes about it after? ***shudder***



Ok, I'm not one to get my knickers in knots over spanking as a last resort when certain criteria is followed.... but what you are talking about is child abuse. And no I wouldn't apply that term to reasonable spanking.



Seriously, do your stepson a favour and take some parenting classes.



Does his bio mom know about this?? I hope for your sake she's not in the picture. Because if one of my children was being abused in the manner you're speaking of, I would have them and their bio father completely stripped of their visition rights and replaced with supervised visitations.



And here is the perfect example of why I don't agree with spanking. There are parents who *can* spank and not cross the murky waters into child abuse. But others don't realize when they have crossed that line. When it comes to spanking vs. abuse it is a very fine line and highly subjective. And there are parents who can't bloody tell the difference and keep fooling themselves into believing they are just trying to keep their child out of jail.



Provide a loving home, build a close relationship with your SS, earn his trust and respect, use positive discipline methods foremost.... take some PARENTING CLASSES.



The problem is with your form of discipline. You are sending your SS mixed messages. You show him by example that physical force is how we solve conflicts.



And I'm sorry but your post sounds really unloving, spiteful and resentful of your SS. Maybe I'm intrepreting it wrong. But it doesn't sound like you have a healthy relationship at all.



I fear for you when your SS becomes a teen and is much bigger and stronger than you. Seriously, what are you going to do when he's too old for beatings? When he stands up to you and snatches that belt from your hands? You reap what you sew.

Valeri - posted on 08/10/2011

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Sarah- I can't believe you actually had the nerve to post this. You should be reported! Send him to military school - you have no right to be a stepmother or even a pet owner!

Valeri - posted on 08/10/2011

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I agree 100%. Don't spank in anger. My parents always made me wait - that made me think about what I did wrong and I always saw tears in their eyes. It still taught me the lesson to be learned.

[deleted account]

I agree for the most part. I've used the belt on my stepson and taken him down a major peg 3 times in 8 months.

Nyshema - posted on 08/09/2011

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I haven't read all the blogs and i will someday, but i just read one and there's an old saying never judge a book by its cover. We as people are all guilty of that. There isn't one human race nor mammal that doesn't judge. Some may not as others or deeply as others but we do. if you say don't then your lying because the few blogs i've read states that. The younglady that started the conversation may have sounded upset because sometimes the way talk in person is the way we write "sometimes". She was just expressing herself. i don't know the woman to know what happened in her day or to period but it was something that needed to be expressed. i joined this circle to receive help for my child and I, and to maybe put a little input on some else. Yes i do agree never put your hands on a child when angry or mad. Never ever handle the situation days later
everyone is different some things we will agree and some we won't but the foundation is what will keep us together ladies continue to help one another. peace and blessings

Jackie - posted on 08/09/2011

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A child's brain isn't fully developed and they do not have the same train of thought as an adult. They do not see things the same way we as adults do. So while may think that their tantrum over a toy or piece of candy is ridiculous and unwarranted, to them that object is all they can think about or all that matters at the moment. When they are in tantrum mode they can not listen to anything you are saying. When my kids are doing this I take them out to the car, over my shoulder if needed, and wait for them to calm down. If that doesn't work then we go home. On the rare occasions were we can't leave without getting a particular item I let them scream and ignore any looks i get from others because really, their opinions do not matter to me but my connection with my kid does.

Nyshema - posted on 08/08/2011

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beat their ass!!!!!! im well against abuse. every now and again children need a whopping. my son doesn't act out in the street, in school sometimes. thats because he's being a show off and sometimes i have to put the show off back in place. i don't like to spank him it hurt my feelings sometimes. i stress parents to talk to their children talk to them. even me as much working i do and not spending alot of time, where ever he is i talk to him about everything. i talk him so much he says in the middle of the conversation sying ok mom i'll talk to you tomorrow, in other words SHUT THE FFFFF UP. and the comment about the adults your right. some of the adults need spanking too i know i do lolol too all parents keep p the good work when you think your situation is bad just turn on the news or look down the street or listen to your co-workers peace and blessings

Danielle - posted on 08/08/2011

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I agree with you Melissa. I have a 4 year old, and I also do not think that spanking is a good way to solve any situation. I believe that respect is something that is earned and it has to be a two-way road. I understand why some parents resort to it, though. There were a couple of instances where I had to resort spanking but I felt horrible afterwards. When my child misbehaves in public places, we (my husband and I) have no problems in correcting him right there and then. Usually, a time to think about the situation takes care of the problem. One must also consider the child's timing to be in mall full of people. Sometimes they are overtired and it is not even fair to expect them to behave. In cases like this, I simply go home.

Sharmain - posted on 08/07/2011

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Yes Selena I know where your coming from and I agree with spanking, children should be kept in check though not over board. Alot of people out there that look at you with disgrace on your face when they see that you have spanked your child in public...There certainly is a difference between keeping your child in check and child abuse....Alot of people would do it behind closed dooors, then to come out in public and admit it...

Deborah - posted on 08/05/2011

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I think when it comes to spanking it really depends on the situation, and age of a the child. I never do it in public, if we are in the store I will walk my child to the restroom. Spanking is my familes very last resort, because I know there are other ways to handle behavior. I think we as parents should try to prevent as much as possable, if you know your 2 year old has problems fancy dinning place then choose a kid friendly place. My family usually ignores the tantrums because they are a attention getting behavior so we will say I am going to go do___ you an stay in the bedroom and when your ready to talk let me know... and If I am in the store, depending on how severe the tantrum is I will either ignore it and finish my shopping or tell my 2 year old that because we can not do shopping right now we can not get you ___ and we are going to leave now.

Millie - posted on 08/05/2011

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I believe spanking thier butts as a last resort, like, when he won't quit cussing or something..........

KALLI - posted on 08/05/2011

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I fully believe in spanking a child. Parents who don't spank their children are what is wrong with the new generations these days. I was spanked as a child and I am grateful for that. I wouldn't be half as respectful if I hadn't been. Now some kids don't need to be spanked because other forms of punishment work like taking toys or what not...but these things don't even phase my kids. They don't hardly even care about a spanking..they take it and it is over with and they move on. People who allow their children like that will either be visiting a grave or a prison later in life to see their kids because nothing good comes out of a child who acts that way and isn't punished or showed that it is wrong. And if you are trying different things to not spank but you see no difference then IT WON'T WORK...some kids honestly HAVE to be spanked to understand or to just get their attention. Maybe this is just how I feel but I know SEVERAL other parents who agree with me.

Yesmine - posted on 08/03/2011

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sometimes my son is out at the store screaming and acting a fool i tell him to stop, with my mean face and alot of the time i just let him have his fits in the store. ill grab his hand and get down to his level and tell him to 'stop or i will beat his butt' he usually calms down and doesnt really act out alot in public. hes a very good boy but when i have to i smack his butt with my hand. or if he keeps touching something i smack his hands. i never had him screaming in pain or anything crazy and if we are out in public i will smack his butt once just to let him know im not playing. ...sometimes he thinks its funny...sometimes parents look at u like ur crazy but wether u do anything to the child or let them cry ur still gonnna get looked at like a crazy parent. lol i used to be like that in stores...' if they dont make that baby shut up...' ...' oh man shes beating his butt smh'... everyones gonna have something to say about it.

Dawn - posted on 08/01/2011

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I have no qualms about giving my children a swat on the bum if they're acting up. They get one warning to change their behavior and if it doesn't change, they get a swat. I'm not suggesting a full force smack, but an open handed swat just hard enough to get their attention so they know I'm definitely serious about changing the behavior immediately. My children are warned, given a swat, and then told why they received the swat and what I expect them to do from that point on. It isn't bullying or stripping them of their freedom to express themselves- it's a way to teach them the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior when they ignored my warning.

I think it's important to mention some of the reason my children will earn a swat. If we go to a restaurant to have dinner and they behave in a way that is disruptive to other diners or some other inappropriate behavior in a restaurant, they will get a firm warning. If they don't appreciate the warning by changing the behavior, they receive a swat. We haven't had to swat on too many occasions, and we've never had to do anything passed a single swat.

I'm not saying anyone should abuse their child (or anyone else for that matter). I'm just saying that you have to do what works for you and your child. If time out doesn't work but a swat on the bum does, that's what you should do. If putting your child in the corner for a few minutes works but a swat doesn't, that's what you should do. You have to tailor your method of discipline on an individual basis- what works for me may not work for you. Understand it. Accept it. Respect it.

I will say this, too, and I may contridict myself a little. I was in WalMart the other day and this child of about 14 years old was cursing his mother out (I have no idea where he learned that kind of language, but I was appalled) at the top of his voice. The mother told him several times to stop speaking to her that way. He continued on as though she hadn't said anything and she popped him in the mouth with an open hand. It was one of the few times I witnessed something like that, and the only time I felt maybe she was right. MAYBE.

Dawn - posted on 08/01/2011

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I have no qualms about giving my children a swat on the bum if they're acting up. They get one warning to change their behavior and if it doesn't change, they get a swat. I'm not suggesting a full force smack, but an open handed swat just hard enough to get their attention so they know I'm definitely serious about changing the behavior immediately. My children are warned, given a swat, and then told why they received the swat and what I expect them to do from that point on. It isn't bullying or stripping them of their freedom to express themselves- it's a way to teach them the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior when they ignored my warning.

I think it's important to mention some of the reason my children will earn a swat. If we go to a restaurant to have dinner and they behave in a way that is disruptive to other diners or some other inappropriate behavior in a restaurant, they will get a firm warning. If they don't appreciate the warning by changing the behavior, they receive a swat. We haven't had to swat on too many occasions, and we've never had to do anything passed a single swat.

I'm not saying anyone should abuse their child (or anyone else for that matter). I'm just saying that you have to do what works for you and your child. If time out doesn't work but a swat on the bum does, that's what you should do. If putting your child in the corner for a few minutes works but a swat doesn't, that's what you should do. You have to tailor your method of discipline on an individual basis- what works for me may not work for you. Understand it. Accept it. Respect it.

I will say this, too, and I may contridict myself a little. I was in WalMart the other day and this child of about 14 years old was cursing his mother out (I have no idea where he learned that kind of language, but I was appalled) at the top of his voice. The mother told him several times to stop speaking to her that way. He continued on as though she hadn't said anything and she popped him in the mouth with an open hand. It was one of the few times I witnessed something like that, and the only time I felt maybe she was right. MAYBE.

Kyrsten - posted on 07/28/2011

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A couple of thoughts. One, never discipline in anger. A calm, cool head along with a dose of sadness that my child has chosen to disobey me is the best approach. Two, I only spank when there has been intentional disobedience.Three, I make sure the correction happens in private to spare my child embarrassment. I ask him what Mommy had told him and what he had done. I make sure he knows exactly why he's being disciplined and how many swats (usually 1 or 2) he will be getting. Four, which is worse, spanking your child while under control, or letting the behavior go on until you crack and start yelling at them? Harsh words and anger (or even a screaming fit of our own) can be very damaging, while a calm, reasoned spank send the appropriate message - that they need to obey momma and that she will love them no matter what.

Bernie - posted on 07/28/2011

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I think the whole spanking debate has been done to death, there is at least 1 thread posted a day to do with spanking.

Jamie - posted on 07/27/2011

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Selena I agree with you whole heartedly. I spank my children, and with need be a belt. But I don't let my anger control my hand. It's enough to get my point across. I am usually the parent standing in the middle of the store telling my children if I they want to continue not listening then let whom ever wants to to try and call the cops call them cause I am not doing it out of anger and not slapping them or anything that can be considered abuse.

CaraAnne - posted on 07/26/2011

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My son is 13 months, and is into everything, the only time he gets spanked is when hes in danger. For example if hes throwing a fit on the couch, i would rather pop his butt, and put him on the floor, than have him land head first on the hardwood floor off the couch... or if hes touching something he shouldnt be, and No, doesnt work, he gets s spanking... and he knows not to do it again... As for the woman who said something about helping a mother in public, I personally do not believe in the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" no one should be intervening in my parenting, or in the calming of my child! and if you do ill ask you nicely to walk away! i personally dont care about the looks, if my son throws a tantrum in a store, he gets in trouble! end of story! think what you want... but every parent should be able to parent how ever they want!!!

Kelina - posted on 07/26/2011

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I spank my son. My friend spanks her son. It's rare, and our sons are well adjusted little boys.vvIt's not my first method of discipline and i don't think it's abuse but it can be abused. My best friend recently got kicked out of a mom's group because she spanks her son in public and that's just not allowed apparently. I think it's ridiculous that people won't spank their kids when it's really necessary. You go right ahead and do your other methods but if my kid runs out into the road i'm going to threaten to spank him so hard he won't sit for a week. It works too.

CYNTHIA - posted on 07/26/2011

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I believe in trying out the time out step first, then when the situation gets out of control and my daughter gets nasty, then I do give her a smack on her legs. I use it for a last resort. I was raised like that, my parents didn't hit us all the time but when they felt it was really necessary. I don't believe in abusing it. I don't want to have a child with loose hands as well.

Rebekah - posted on 07/25/2011

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Just telling my 3 yr old I will swat his bottom is enough to get his attention. However he's never been spanked hard, just a swat on the bottom, through the diaper. Usually at home. So when we are out in public, and he possibly does act up. All I have to tell him is I will swat his bottom, and he stops acting up...usually. LOL. But each parent has to act differently with each child, go with that personality. You can't force something too much with a child, you'll just exhaust yourself. Their personality has to work with the form of discipline you're trying to use. I agree don't use bullying, abuse or bribery. I also agree that unless you see clear abuse, mind your own business. However...I have said something like "I feel your pain sister.." to the mom....

Nancy - posted on 07/21/2011

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I think the rising rate of elder abuse is evidence enough that physical punishment may not be the best way to teach our children how to become compassionate, caring and respectful members of society. For those who think spanking is the only way to teach a child, let's hope your children don't repay the favor when you are old and helpless. That had been my greatest motivation to find respectful ways to teach my daughter appropriate behavior. Today's children are tomorrow's leaders and policy makers so please keep that in mind the next time you want to raise your hand at a child in anger.......I know I do.

Christina - posted on 07/21/2011

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Wow, I have never read a thread that there were a lot of women who agreed with spanking.
We all know there is a difference between spanking and beating. We all know that for some children, a spanking is effective while for others it does nothing but fuel the behavior. As a mom of five children, we discipline all of our children a little different. We do what works for their personalities. And spankings are only done for specific reasons. They are not our first form of discipline.

Brianna - posted on 07/21/2011

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i agree with spanking but if my child was to act up in public i would take her to the bathroom or car and give them a spanking (just like me mom did when we were kids)

Heather - posted on 07/21/2011

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I believe spanking is a punishment that is most definitely acceptable. Although it does depend on the child. My daughter, who is 18 months, doesn't respond to spankings, on the hand or the bottom. She just went about doing whatever it was that she was doing. So I now just pop, not spank her, 5 or 6 times in a row , she stops looks, sees what I'm doing and it gets her attention. It doesn't even hurt her, just the fact that she has stopped and realized that she is being punished makes her mind. She cries and gets upset, when she is done crying i look at her and tell her what she did wrong in simple terms, not to do it again, and to say sorry and hug me. I works every time. I only have to do this on occasions. Most of the time all I have to do it say no ma'm, and she stops. Time-out is also effective with her here recently.

Ursula - posted on 07/19/2011

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I think that spanking a child is ok ONLY if they are really, really bad. But I don't think it shuold be done in public. I have spanked my 2 1/2 yr old a couple of times, but only with my hand and on his butt. Once I hit his hand, but it was not hard and I felt horrible. If my kid starts yelling in a public place, I just give him "the look" and if he doesn't stop, we go to the car. He hates that, as he thinks we will be going home, and he loves going out, so that pretty much takes care of it.
If we are home, I put him in time out, but I try not to spank him. It hurts me more than it does him and I just feel guilty. Sigh!!!

Alison - posted on 07/19/2011

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great quote. I bought two books inspired by Dr. Haim Ginott--How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids, Siblings Without Rivalry. Really good!

[deleted account]

kudos for you standing up for what you believe!!!!! I happen to agree. for years children have been raised getting spankings. Look around at the children in our communities!!! parents are so afraid of children in youth and other such programs they are no longer disciplining their kids. these children will grow up and run our country some day. spanking does not promote fear and yes sometime sit does make you as a parent sad. there is a way to do this and a way not. there is a severe difference between abuse and discipline. Sometimes kids need a smack on the behind.it does not in any way mean i love or respect my child any less than a parent who does not choose to spank.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/19/2011

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When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline. ~Haim G. Ginott

Your right to raise your children how you want does not trump their right not to be hit.

Alison - posted on 07/15/2011

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I don't agree with spanking at all. I have done it a couple times and felt horrible. I think people who are pro spanking are desensitized to the fact that you're HITTING your child. I don't doubt that it can be effective, but I want my children to do what's right not out of fear or respect for me necessarily, but because they understand why something is right or something is wrong. Communication, modeling good behavior, and giving kids plenty of attention can prevent and diffuse a lot of problems, then there's time outs, taking away privileges etc. There's no reason to hit our children. I didn't always think this way, but I've spanked my daughter a few times and felt so guilty and then thinking about it and reading other people's opinions about it made sense that we don't accept grownups hitting other grownups or people hitting their animals, and children are the most precious, the most impressionable, and the most incapable of defending themselves.

Casey - posted on 07/14/2011

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I'm not really a spanker with my kids, my eldest who is nearly three has copped a smack on the hand when we first moved into our new house for going near the fire place and stuff like that because he is one of those kids those just doesn't listen so we arn't sure how else to get the point across when it comes to his own safety, and I have to admit that I have given him a smack on the butt (he is still in nappies) recently as he is well and truely going through the terrible twos and can sometimes get a little bit out of control but I really try to avoid having to do this at all costs cause even though I know it doesn't hurt him it still makes me feel horrible, I find sitting him down and talking to him helps sometimes and most the time he is acting out his really just trying to get my attention (we have a new baby so it can be hard at times). When we are at the shops he must sit in a trolley to avoid all the little tantrums and problems but if thats not possible and he does start acting up then I usually just get down and look him in the eyes and tell him very firmly to stop it or we'll go back to the car, his a pretty good and does throw huge tantrums so this usually works.
I have nothing against people smacking their kids, if thats what they have to do then thats fine by me but I know it just makes me feel bad especially if he starts crying it's awful, but each to their own and so long as your not abusing your child then do whatever you have to do.

Holly - posted on 07/14/2011

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@ Selena....all I have to say is wow...personally I would rather tap my child in the mouth than go to the extreme and spank them with a belt. That would in my opinion be more like child abuse....honestly wat child deserves being spanked with a belt...no one deserves that

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