Terrible Twos

Michelle - posted on 11/30/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 2 1/2 and is very verbal and bright. She is extremely stubborn and strong-willed, which makes her very difficult to discipline. She tantrums all day long, talks back, argues, hits, throws toys and makes refusals. Time out works for the moment, but then she goes right back to the same behaviors. I have taken parenting classes and the doctor has said that her behavior should calm down by age 4. What do I do until then??

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Cecilia - posted on 12/04/2014

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I don't know if it will help but what I would do with my son at times when he would act up would be to have him lay down even if he isn't sleepy. I tell him go to bed when he pulls a tantrum or if outside I let he know either we're going home so he can go to bed or that as soon as he gets home he should go lay down.

He'll tell me that he's not sleepy if he's isn't and I'll tell him I can't see any other reason he has to act like this he must be sleepy. I then tell him he has to lay down and be still until l feel he act right. If he is really tired he'll fall asleep otherwise that bit of down time gives him time to cool down. The thing about this is your daughter may want to fuss move around a lot at first. You have to be very firm about her staying still and even ask her how she can go to sleep making such a fuss and moving. If that doesn't work she may just have to fuss and learn that no matter how much she's fussing she has to lay there.For when your somewhere else you can do extended downtime it's basically timeout except she's not "in trouble" but she needs to sit to calm down.

For the toy throwing you can take them and put them away. When my son would do that I'd tell him "I'm putting them away you must not want them if you keep throwing them" or if he threw it at someone I'd let him know that we don't hurt people and that is not what toys are for. Lately he started making his toys talk back for him, and hit people. He has a good memory. There is one toy, Dactyl that has been sitting in the top of my closet for a while (for some reason he's a repeat offender). Each time it seems like a toy is going to be a problem I ask him if he wants them to stay with Dactyl. And at that point he falls into line. Before that point I had just been telling him he doesn't get to touch any more toys if that's how he uses them. This doesn't work so well if you need her occupied at the time.

My son wasn't particularly big on hitting but if he did hit someone I would tell him that it's not a nice thing to do and that he could hurt someone. I'd ask him if he wants to hurt any one and if not why would he hit. Then I would have him say I'm sorry. Once that sunk in over time I would ask him if whoever he hit should hit him. He'd say no.Then I'd ask if I should hit him. No again. I would ask him why not and he would tell me. And finally I would ask if that's the case should we hit people. I would also tell him that if he's upset he should talk about it not hit and if he's too upset to talk he should sit down by himself to calm down until he's ready to talk.

Most of all explain to her why it's not okay for her to do what she's doing. Could it hurt someone, bother someone or hurt her. Let her know that you tell her to do certain things for her benefit or to help her. There was an example I gave my son that really hit home with my son when he wouldn't listen around that age and had issue straying from me. The example was of him straying too close to the street and tuning me out when I call him and what could happen in that situation. I let him know he never knows why I could be calling him it could be to give him something nice or even because there's danger. And that he needed to listen at all times because he'll never know if he's missing out on something or about to get hurt. Giving examples has worked well with a few kids. I hope some of this helps

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