Visitation Issues

Amanda - posted on 04/13/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone ,
I'm new here so forgive me if I'm not doing this properly. Anyhoo, I've been having issues with my daughter 4yrs. Me and her father just seperated a year ago for good. We had a rocky start to the visitation where she hadnt seen him in 9 months due to the back up of the court system and well a little bit of me too I know it was bad of me i let my bitterness get in the way and feel horrible now for it and trying to make amends now for our daughter's sake.Anyway we got temp. Orders of a standard order but because of her father's work schd. Had not worked for any of us her father and I got into a huge argument about it and accused me of alienating our child from him which is completley untrue. So I went with my lawyer to file a motion for mediation to work this out amicably. I filed before Easter I hadn't heard from him since the second week of March due to his insistance of not seeing her until he worked something out with his lawyer. I am trying here and meanwhile our child is lashing out at me, asking why daddy isn't here, that she wants to see him, that she wants us together, wants to stay with daddy forever etc. It hurts that my child is acting as though I'm keeping her away from her dad. I try to explain I'm working on it with him after he only replied that we would make a parenting plan after I scheduled a mediation and shelled out another 1,000 the same week. It's like he can do no wrong in her eyes eeventhough it's always been me being her caregiver since birth. He kicked us out twice from our home,never helped in raising her and spent very little time with her. I'm just so frusterated that she would rather be with him than me. I feel threatened with his new gf around her which I had to find out was living with him after my daughter brought it up. She says it's ok for daddy to have a gf and another baby but when it comes to me is not ok with it. I don't understand my child what she wants or is going through. I'm trying the best I can to provide for us, spend time with her and be there for everything but seems it's never enough like I'm never gonna win the same admiration and love she holds for her dad. I know she is just a child and shouldn't be taken personally but how can I not when my child is turning against me. I just feel like I'm the worst mother in the world and just want this war over our child already. If anyone has any advice I would sure appreciate it. Thanks .

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Donna - posted on 04/14/2016

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Divorce if very difficult for a child just as it is for you. After living together and having both parents a child can feel a great loss. This can be very confusing to a 4 year old. There is a book written by Dr. Archibald Hart named Helping a Child Survive Divorce. Your daughter really needs your unconditional love no matter what she says or does. Taking time to explain over and over again that you love her and that she is safe with you and you will not leave is a start. My prayers are going to be said for both of you as you move through this very tough transition. Both your hearts are hurting.......parents staying together is so much better for everyone. Counseling that is provided by a legitimate child counselor is another option for your daughter.......

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