Visitation Issues

Amanda - posted on 04/13/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi everyone ,
I'm new here so forgive me if I'm not doing this properly. Anyhoo, I've been having issues with my daughter 4yrs. Me and her father just seperated a year ago for good. We had a rocky start to the visitation where she hadnt seen him in 9 months due to the back up of the court system and well a little bit of me too I know it was bad of me i let my bitterness get in the way and feel horrible now for it and trying to make amends now for our daughter's sake.Anyway we got temp. Orders of a standard order but because of her father's work schd. Had not worked for any of us her father and I got into a huge argument about it and accused me of alienating our child from him which is completley untrue. So I went with my lawyer to file a motion for mediation to work this out amicably. I filed before Easter I hadn't heard from him since the second week of March due to his insistance of not seeing her until he worked something out with his lawyer. I am trying here and meanwhile our child is lashing out at me, asking why daddy isn't here, that she wants to see him, that she wants us together, wants to stay with daddy forever etc. It hurts that my child is acting as though I'm keeping her away from her dad. I try to explain I'm working on it with him after he only replied that we would make a parenting plan after I scheduled a mediation and shelled out another 1,000 the same week. It's like he can do no wrong in her eyes eeventhough it's always been me being her caregiver since birth. He kicked us out twice from our home,never helped in raising her and spent very little time with her. I'm just so frusterated that she would rather be with him than me. I feel threatened with his new gf around her which I had to find out was living with him after my daughter brought it up. She says it's ok for daddy to have a gf and another baby but when it comes to me is not ok with it. I don't understand my child what she wants or is going through. I'm trying the best I can to provide for us, spend time with her and be there for everything but seems it's never enough like I'm never gonna win the same admiration and love she holds for her dad. I know she is just a child and shouldn't be taken personally but how can I not when my child is turning against me. I just feel like I'm the worst mother in the world and just want this war over our child already. If anyone has any advice I would sure appreciate it. Thanks .

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Jennie - posted on 04/14/2016

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So sad for you !! I am sorry for all this going on now !! Your daughter is very young, she absolutely needs your unconditional support and love now. No matter what she says, she does not really understand and is trying to gain control of the uncertainty and the pain she feels. She is conflicted and expressing herself the only way she knows. Let her talk about her feelings, and emotions - guide her to help her work them out without blaming. Ask her questions and explain to her you are hurting too. It hurts your daughter to not have both of her loved ones together but that is out of your control. You are not a bad mom, just a grieving mom !!! Your daughter needs you very much now, to share these hard confusing emotions. I would get some experts involved helping you both heal and work through this in a healthy healing way. There are groups and loving caring counselors for you and your daughter. Check out Focus on the Family - To speak with a family help specialist, contact us at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. Mountain time. and www.divorcecare.org - these could provide a voice and a face that are there to help for sure - Please contact them, they have helped me and soooo many others and I will pray for you all !!!

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