What to do with mother in law?

Jaclyn - posted on 12/23/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I try to get a long with my mother in law for my child's sake. We got along great until she got a divorce last year. She cheated on her husband and tried to force this new man on to My family. We gave him a chance but he has had drug problems and alcohol problems and is currently in jail. I do want want my son around him. She got arrested and put in jail when she blacked out from drinking and kicked a cop when fighting with him. She sends me nasty texts because I wont let her have him around my son. They are dating on and off and fights lead to cops being called and drunken fights leading to jail. Last year she kicked us out on Christmas because of him. She makes a big production out of everything. It is Christmas time my husband and my son have 3 other Christmas dinners to go to he is in jail right now so I thought we would all go to Christmas dinner at her house but she is mad because we will be late. At first she tried to tell me she will take my son the day after Christmas and don't bother coming over. Then it was come over late, I don't understand why I am the if I can make it place. And now I learned she was trying to have her ex husband drop off all the gifts at my house because she can't drive bc She got a DUI and her license taken away. She is just rude to me and her son and tells us she wants nothing to do with us and is upset because she feels she has to live a double life because we won't let our son around her bf. I blocked her from texting me and calling me. I feel it is the holiday my son is 3 i want to enjoy him and be around family without drama and don't plan on even making a stop to her house. I am even thinking of not letting her take my son anymore she will call her ex husband and have him ask me and then have him pick up my son and then asked her ex husband permission for her bf to be in the next room and did not ask me. He told her no and she fought with him about it. And my son told me yesterday that she told him to call her I'd anybody spoke badly about her bf. my concern about that is why is she discussing our problem with this man to a 3 year old. I don't want him involved in any conflict. I don't feel comfortable when he goes over there. She has made it clear that she doesn't want a relationship with me and my husband only my son. And as of right now I want to completely cut ties with her and tell her it's either us or her bf. she has threatened grandparents rights in the past and I'm about to the point to saying let her try and put it in the courts hands. And I want to know opinions if I am doing the right thing. I know my son loves being around her but I do not feel comfortable with her having him I would rather just cut her out of our life and my husband has felt the same way.

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Jaclyn - posted on 12/24/2012

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It's hard it feels like she has gone crazy we use to get along great. I am 24 and currently residing with my mother until I purchase my own house. We have 4 Christmas's to go to. So I would never invite her over here. But like I said its sad for me to get to this point but I refuse to let her treat me and her son that way. She invited us to Christmas and then tells us not to come, if I show up she'll kick us out like last year of If don't show up she'll play victim with my husbands rest of the family and make up lies. Sue, thank you. I hope to get to that point to be happy. I feel as if she thinks she has a right to have my son. I know she doesn't. And tells me not to use my son against her that would only hurt him. I feel like she has no right to cut my husband and I out of her life but take my son when she pleases and I don't feel like I'm holding my son over her head. I tried my best and I'm done until she can pick family over a loser boyfriend and apologize sincerely for her mistakes and stops drinking and taking Xanax at the same time, and instead of googling grandparent rights she should google how to have a relationship with her adult child. She likes to fight, I hate it.

Gigi - posted on 12/24/2012

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Since you mentioned that your MIL has been arrested for drunken behaviour and that her bf is also similar, it sounds unsafe to leave your 3 year old son alone with her/them. I don't know the whole story and it is difficult to judge, but if you have it in you, maybe you caninvite her to Christmas at your house - that way you have control over the situation and you are there to help if necessary.
I don't know much about grandparent's rights, but a DUI and arrest for assauting an officer would probably not look good for her if she took you to court.

Sue - posted on 12/23/2012

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i had to cut my parents out of my life a year and a half ago for major issues. i am sad over the need to but the drama in my life in regards to my family had disappeared and we've been very happy with our decision. if a family member wanted to have my child over but no relationship with me or my spouse whatsoever i would not go for that at all!!!! Our children are our biggest blessings in life, we have to protect them, sometimes even from people we would call family.

Michelle - posted on 12/23/2012

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Grandparents rights rarely come into play unless you and your childs father were divorced or estranged and he had no contact with the child. Then the courts would look at what type of relationship the child had with the grandparent from what you have said she does not play an active role in his life and so she could try but I highly doubt she would get anything you are his parents and if you decide she can't see him anymore then that is the way it is.

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