When a child doesn't listen.

Chasity - posted on 10/13/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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So I have a 4 year old son and sometimes he doesn't listen. If I say something to him its like it go in one ear and out the other,but when my brothers say something to him he listens. I kind of feel like since i had him at a young age he doesn't respect the fact that im his mother.Do you know of anything I can do to get him to listen?

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I suggest that you establish a consequence for not listening. Then you have to be consistent and follow through each and every time. I count to 3 and if my son doesn't listen by 3 he gets a time out (4 minutes for a 4 year old). I have also sent him to his room, or if we are in public he loses a privilege (no slurpee on the way home, we don't get to play at the park, etc...) We have also left to sit in the car for a time out.

Julie - posted on 10/15/2010

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Your son has no idea or concept of age. He doesn't listen to you because he knows what he can get away with and what he can't with you. Simple as that. When your brother speaks sternly to him it's probably the fact that he isn't quite sure how your brother would react if he ignored him the way he does you, so to play it safe he listens. You probably need to enforce punishments.. most kids that don't listen around that age know that nothing will happen if they do or don't listen so they opt out of said chore/reprimand... unless they know there are consequences that will be carried out.

Heather - posted on 10/14/2010

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Have you tried praising him when he listens 1st time? "thank you so much for using good listening ears, i really appreciate it" "we have more time to do fun things when you listen 1st time" and on top of that warn him that if he does not use good listening ears then privledges will be removed. You can also make a star chart or something like that where if he has a good listening day then he gets a star at the end of the day along with a conversation about how proud you are of him and what a great job he did. Amazing how far praise goes with little people. It does not hurt to remind him that you are the mommy and you are the one who makes the decisions and rules and it is his job to follow them. good luck!

Leigh - posted on 10/13/2010

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First, you child respect you no matter the age. He can't understand that anyway!!! All kids do this, but you have to find that motherly sternness somewhere in what you are saying. Have consequences and that means go through with them. SImply if you are asking him to stop doing something and he doesn't; go to him and make him stop then explain to him that he needs to stop or ...... Children need direction!!! My child is the same way, and at times it is very frustrating, but I have learned that I need to show her I am serious. I use the whole 1.2.3 and then if she has not stopped then I continue with a consequence that I stated before. It is hard but it is the age, I PROMISE!!! Try time out, taking something away that is important to him.

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Kacie - posted on 10/20/2010

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There is a book based on the counting to 3 method that proves to be very helpful. It's called 1,2,3 Magic....they use it at the head start program where my son goes and we started using it at home. I have seen a dramatic change in his attitude in the last 4 weeks. If it can work with a hyperactive child it can work with just about any child.

Fikile - posted on 10/20/2010

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U need to sit down with him and explain things. Respect comes first and make him understand that his uncles and you are older to him. He must listen to you as he does with them. What ever the uncles can do you as a mother you can do it twice as them. Just try to be calm, don't shout. You know that when you shout at them they also turn to be violent and they scream and yell, we don't want that. be a mother to him and after your talk give him a hug. Love u

Dottie - posted on 10/19/2010

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Follow through, stay consistent. If you say you are going to give him a consequence for not listening (whether its time out, or taking something away), do it, no matter the fit it entails. My son is 4 and does the same thing. We have a rewards chart in his room for listening and good deeds. We also have the time out chair, the bedroom for horrible meltdowns, and toys that are taken away. It helps for us that Dad and I back each other up. Just show your child love at all times, be firm but not mean. I always tell myself, this too shall pass! Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 10/19/2010

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It's the same if you are older or younger. I'm 31 and my 2-year-old doesn't listen to a thing I say. I've discovered that being a parent is more than just loving the heck out of him, it's also about learning what he really loves so I can better discipline him. One day I bought him a toy (the Buzz Light Year that talks and comes in the space ship box) that I knew he would love. He does loved it. And I had two things I could use as the big guns when he was full of shenanigans. I could threaten to wash Blankie (there's something so heart breaking about watching your child stare wide-eyed as you pour the laundry detergent in the wash machine, like you're torturing his best friend...and then he looks up at you and says "Blankie be okay, right muma?". I save this for when he's extra naughty because it's more of a punishment for me) or I could put Buzz Light-Year in time out (more effective than putting my son in a time out). I was actually feeling pretty smug about this Buzz Light-Year situation until Buzz Light-Year's wing broke and caused my son to go into an apoplectic fit.

Pick and choose your battles carefully, and when you name a consequence for his actions, you MUST follow through. No matter how much it sucks and how many tears and tantrums there are.

Chasity - posted on 10/18/2010

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Yeah same here. I tried counting,time out and he still doesnt listen. Sometime I feel like he just tunes me out.

Grace - posted on 10/17/2010

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lol that sounds like my 3 year-old daughter. Her dad says something once and she listens. With me, I feel like a parrot, repeating requests many many times till I have to yell. So I tell her I think I have to shout at her all the time if she doesn't listen. Not sure if that's wise but that's the reality now. It's over the simplest things, like drink water, drink juice, go and pee, take a shower, even come here! She just ignores me like I'm talking to the wall.

Heidi - posted on 10/16/2010

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my boy 15 moths. he listen better to the deep male vosie more. but i get into get ever thing and climb jumps on every thing, time out dont work with him. 1. 2. 3. dont work

Jenni - posted on 10/14/2010

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Do you live with your brothers? I've noticed with my 2 year old daughter, she listens to my bf, brother, father... any male better than she does me or any other female. I think it's maybe the fact that she knows she can get away with it from me or maybe the different tone in voice. I'm really not sure. She's doing a lot better with it now that Mommy's home during the day but...maybe this doesn't help but at least gives you something to think about.

Hailey - posted on 10/14/2010

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my 2 year old like tht ill say sumthin or any1 eles she takes no notice but if u wanna play with her she will it stresses me out

Chasity - posted on 10/13/2010

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Thanks I'm going to try these things and see if they help. Hopefully they should

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