When dad won't do diapers

Katherine - posted on 05/22/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

65,420

232

5195

Consider yourself lucky if your child’s dad does diaper duty. In India, 86 percent of dads say they would never touch a diaper because it’s women’s work.

According to a survey* of 8,000 men and 3,500 women in Brazil, Croatia, Chile, India, Mexico, and Rwanda, statistics on the issue of male participation in household duties from these six developing countries are pretty sobering. It's not only diapers that men shy away from, it's childcare in general. In Rwanda, 61 percent of the men surveyed consider it to be a women’s duty.

Gasp all you want, American moms, but these gender disparities, especially in diaper changing, hit closer to home than you might think. The question of who changes the diapers – and more to the point, who won't – is a hot topic in the Circle of Moms Children of 2006 community.
“My husband hates changing our daughter’s diapers,” says Kim B. “Especially when they are more than wet. But he also isn’t her biological dad and I cut him some slack because of it. However, when we have our own children, I know he will have a problem with it and make up any excuse to not have to do it.

Erin L. says her husband started out with good intentions but pooped out on the diaper changing a month after their son was born: “He seemed to get hit with a lot of poopy diapers and he essentially stopped,” she reports. “He only changes if I’m away or I complain enough. I think my mom said my dad rarely ever changed them too.”

Lynette B. may have put it best when she said, “I think dads should change diapers. I don’t see why it should be any different for the dad then the mother. Who ‘enjoys’ changing diapers? I don’t know of anyone who jumps up and says ‘oh please, please, please can I change the next one"

So moms, how do you get dads to become part of the changing crew?


Left him home alone with the baby lol, then he HAD to do it!!!

9 Comments

View replies by

Jenny - posted on 11/19/2012

7

0

0

my man just know he had to do it takes to to make a baby so it takes to to help out with the baby. sometimes he comes hoem fr work n i ask him to help n hes aid i workes all day n i say work do u think i done all day looked at 4 wall n wait for u to get here lol . i say never ask u to work all day lol but we got to do what we got to do . its 2012 women can do what amn do so men can do what we do

Gigi - posted on 11/16/2012

155

0

29

"Being home with a child might not be easy but it's easier than working in my opinion. I might be wrong but I'd gladly stay home and watch t.v., eat when I want, have a glass of wine, watch my favorite t.v. shows, read a book, listen to music and tend to some screaming baby than get up every day, put on an uncomfortable suit, drive to work in nasty weather for an hour, only to deal with a bunch of people I pretend to like."



Crazyeyes, if you stayed home with your screaming child, I guarantee you would not be doing any of the above listed things. Its a pity that you actually think that staying at home with your kid basically means bumming around watching tv and drinking. But it is your opinion and at your age and life choices you will probably never see fit to change it.



To answer to original poster - my husband changes nappies, always had. He also does everything else when it comes to our child. I think it comes down to personal choices - I'd never have children with a guy that would not be prepared to do it. If you know each other well before you decide to have children, there shouldn't be any problems.

Crazyeyes - posted on 11/16/2012

1

0

0

I'm not a mom, sorry. I'm a married man of 45. Thought I'd give my opinion anyway, not to be offensive, just to join "the view."



I probably should not even be in this conversation because I don't have kids. Not by choice. I got a lady pregnant on a one night stand and ended up paying $600 month child support for 18 years after she married someone else and the kid didn't want to have anything to do with me. Once I got married I was 35 and having kids scared me so I got fixed.



Sometimes I want kids and my friends tell me don't worry about it women do all the work anyway and you get to play with the kids. . That resonated with me. I think it should 50/50... On the other hand, if one person works and the other doesn't I think it should be primary responsibility of the one who doesn't work, man or woman.



I hear women say raising a child is just as hard as working but I find that hard to believe if you just have one or two children because I see women at the gym, grocery shopping, and having lunch with their girlfriends during the day while I'm working my butt off and come home exhausted.



So, no if my wife did that I would not change diapers except on weekends. Now my business partner comes home from work exhausted and his wife makes him do everything when he gets home to give her a break. I can see doing that for an hour but he needs a break too. So I think she's controlling.



Being home with a child might not be easy but it's easier than working in my opinion. I might be wrong but I'd gladly stay home and watch t.v., eat when I want, have a glass of wine, watch my favorite t.v. shows, read a book, listen to music and tend to some screaming baby than get up every day, put on an uncomfortable suit, drive to work in nasty weather for an hour, only to deal with a bunch of people I pretend to like.

Tina - posted on 05/28/2012

1,314

28

301

Unfortunately some people change for the worst when they get married and have kids.

Elfrieda - posted on 05/27/2012

2,620

0

462

I don't consider it "luck" that my husband changes diapers. I CHOSE a man who would be an involved dad and wouldn't religiously stick to gender roles. It was something I kept in mind when I was deciding if he was the one, because I've seen people who live like that and it's not something I'm interested in. Some people don't mind it, and that's great, they can marry each other!

Tina - posted on 05/27/2012

1,314

28

301

I normally do the changing. My partner changed a couple of my sons but I mostly do it. He wont change our daughter. It's too uncomfortable for him because she's a girls and he worries he might do it wrong or hurt her.

Anika - posted on 05/26/2012

72

29

0

Um, if you choose to have a child/take on the responsibility of one, you have to change nappies. It's not something anyone enjoys, I personally thought before I had kids I could never handle cleaning up disgusting poop, vomit etc. Once you're a parent, you don't get a choice. I think it should be all shared equally when you're both home.
My son's father was better at handling the newborn nappy changes than I was, I remember he projectile pooped all over my partner's legs when he was a newborn, and I almost threw up, but he just kept on going.
Now my husband (my son's father passed away) changes my son's nappies too. Just as much as I do. He's not my son's biological father either, but he chose to join our family so he does it, and has never once complained about it.
I don't think it's anything special for a father to change a kid's nappy to be honest, what would happen if a mother refused to do it?

September - posted on 05/23/2012

5,233

15

695

Different culture, different customs I guess. Thank goodness I have a husband that was more than willing to help, even with poopy diapers. I didn’t make our son on my own and I damn sure won’t take care of him on my own either.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms