Why does my daughter cling to me as soon as the phone rings?

Nellie - posted on 01/15/2012 ( 19 moms have responded )

28

0

2

My daughter is always happy and content until company comes over or until the phone rings. She'll be playing happily and by herself, the second the phone rings, she's glued to my leg. She's potty-trained, but as soon as company comes over, she has an accident. She never hits when it's just me and her, but soon as someone else comes along, she starts hitting. She's 19 months old. I don't know what to do, it's been going on for months. I have been very stern with her, three warnings then time-out if she hits, etc. I don't know what else to do!

19 Comments

View replies by

User - posted on 09/18/2012

4

0

0

she is scared of losing you one day and when someone comes over then she feels left-out,it depends though.is it a grown-up coming over or a child?????

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/27/2012

3,377

8

66

Time outs work, however ONLY IF you are consistent! You can't go back and forth with them, you MUST follow through otherwise, no, it won't work but nothing will if you don't follow through and stand your ground! I do not spank my children so they get time outs! I have a 13 year old and my 15 month old. I know that time outs work, I have been doing them for 13 years. ;) My 15 months old gets 2 mins in his playpen, if he comes out and does it again he goes back in time out... We can play the game all day if he wants but we never ever have to, he listens after the 1st or sometimes 2nd time! Just keep yourslef in check and ignore her bad attitude when you are in the vehicle. Try positive reinforcement, distract her attention before she gets angry and starts hitting.... It'll be OK.... ;)



Also, when in the car do "you" need to sit in the back because of the front seat being taken? Perhaps you can switch seats with the other person and see how she acts then... it may just be that Mommy is in the back and she knows Mommy can't do anything at that time... She may not be willing to hit another adult/person... ;) Kids are smart, they know we love them the most and that we will not hurt them or get rid of them, they are always better with other people... ;)

Kelina - posted on 01/26/2012

2,018

9

235

lucky! I'm expecting baby umber 3 right now and my mdwives are half an hour away, so it's an hour round trip. In order for us to get there, back and have the appointment we have to leave right after we get up and we usually get home right before naptime. Cranky in the car is a normal occurrence for us. Time out is a controversial one I'm finding. many people don't think that younger kids understand it and yet I've used it on both my kids. my daughter at 14 months knows that if I threaten her with time out she'd better get her butt in gear. On the other end of the spectrum, a friend of mine has a 2 1/2 year old who you might as well threaten to give him candy for as well as time outs work. but I'm off topic. I hope something works for you!

Nellie - posted on 01/26/2012

28

0

2

Keri Rozansky : Yes, she's 19 months old, but has always been extremely advanced for her age. I wouldn't do time-outs if they didn't work. Yes, my daughter potty-trained herslef at 15 months. I didn't want her to, I wasn't ready for it, but she was. And I'm always in the same room s her while on the phone. Time-outs may not work for YOUR kids before age 3, but with MY child it does. She never hits me unless company comes over. When she's about to I simply give her a warning and threaten time-out, and she immediatley stops. She DOES understand. Otherwise I wouldn't do it. The only time she hits or has accidents is when she gets over-excited, which is when company comes over or when we're going out or when we're on the phone. And it's been happening for several months. And FINALLY, if I do nothing about it, she'll learn that it's okay, and that may be okay in your household, but it's not in mine. Kay, thanks! :)



Kelina and Shannon: thanks, I'll try all that out!

Kelina, I always bring snacks with me. I never take her when she's tierd.

Keri - posted on 01/25/2012

363

40

0

First, is she really 19 months old and potty trained? Completely? It's possible she associates a ringing phone or a doorbell rining with Mommy going away. She may have separation anxiety. If you have portable phones, keep it by you wherever you may be in the house, that way you don't have to "leave her" to go answer it. Does she hit the visitors or you - or both? I personally don't think time-out works AT ALL, and especially before age 3.



Finally, she's 19 months old! She'll likely grow out of it.

Kelina - posted on 01/23/2012

2,018

9

235

Have you tried warning her that company is coming? I find soem kids do better when they know whats going to be happening ahead of time. Like telling her"(insert name) will be here in five minutes, are you excited? What are you going to do with them?" Let her babble to you and if she's clingy when they get there, hold her. There's nothing wrong with holding her until she's brave enough to venture on ehr own. My son was very much like that he still will cling to me or daddy when new people come over but it's taking him less and less time to get used to them. As for going out, make sure she knows the rules BEFORE you leave the house. "We're going for a car ride with grandma today, remember there's no hitting right?" "We're going to to the store now. Now remember there's no hitting and you have to hold mommy's hand while we're out right?" Always try for the acknowledgement or at least the solemn face looking at you so you know she's listening to you. Also try rewards. If she's good while you're out then she can have a treat when you get home like a gummy bear or something. i'm sneaky, I use kids multivitamins :) good for him and he thinks he's getting candy. If she freaks out whn you're on the phone can you try redirection? would you like to talk on the phone? do you want to say hello? maybe get her her own toy phone and you can practice by playing with that. You say hi and then hand her the phone and say it's for you! If not, maybe try setting her up with a snack or something like that. My kids each have a security blanket so trotting that out when they're really clingy and I need a break is wonderful. In the car when she freaks, ingoring might be something to try but can you think of anything else that might be contributing to it? say is she hungry? tired? thirty? is it possible for you to try packing a snack and sippy cup and try to head it off before it happens? what about her favorite blanket or stuffed animal? does she have anything else to do like toy s in the car? Often when we have problems with our kids in the vehicle, they're one of three things. Bored, hungry or tired, all three of which we can do something about. We have a blanket in the car for my daughter as otherwise she'll scream for hours. And if we know we're going to be out when they're hungry we pack snacks. Toys are a constant fixture in our vehicle. Also, if possible for the potty thing, try having her go before company gets there, and then if it's family or someone say, "show grandma what a big girl you are, go show her how you go potty!" worked great with my son and really pared down on the accidents. Good luck!

Shannon - posted on 01/23/2012

5

10

0

If you are horrible then so am I. My almost six year old daughter still does this, but she has added in talking in my ear when I am on the phone. I really don't know what to do about it either I have tried several things over the years (time outs, ignoring the behavior, yelling, etc.) to no avail.



Consistency is always best, but it doesn't always work! Hang in there!

Nellie - posted on 01/18/2012

28

0

2

Meme , that's a good idea with the ignoring, I'll try that, thanks. I've always used the warning words (ouch, that hurts, etc) but haven't tried ignoring, that would probably work since I really don't have many other options while in the car. It's just aggravating because I know she knows better, she NEVER does it when it's just the two of us (minus the phone obviously) She only acts out when I'm on the phone or we're with other people. And it's been going on for several months. At first I thought it's just a phase she's going through, but now it's been going on for a long time.

Summer - posted on 01/18/2012

203

44

18

its something that takes your attention. she is competing, ts her version of LOOK AT ME MOMMIYLOOK AT ME !!!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/18/2012

3,377

8

66

Sorry I was getting them mixed together... I understand your question now. The phone thing, for me anyhow, she would be in timeout. The hitting part is unacceptable for sure, however it is a stage they go through. I would recommened, when she hits you, telling her gently that it really hurts. Say OUCH, that hurts. Then turn your head to look out the window and ignore her. She will get the hint very quickly. She may hit again, I would continue to ignore and look out the window and pick up conversation with the others in the vehicle. Perhaps talking about how good of a girl she can be but how much it hurts when she hits but leave her out of the converaation. Also, after the first time, turn her attention to playing a car game, like see that car? And tell her the colour or if she knows her colours, get her to tell you what it is. Sing some songs with her, like the wheels on the bus... Distraction always works wonder for this age.. I hope this helps....

Nellie - posted on 01/18/2012

28

0

2

The phone and the car are two entirely different situations. I'm in the backseat with my daughter when we go out and she'll hit or misbehave.



The phone is when I'm at home and when she's playing happily - at least until I make a phone call.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/18/2012

3,377

8

66

Well, if she is in the carseat and is in the backseat then I have no idea, since you aren't paying your fullest attention anyway... As I stated earlier, stay clear of the phone until you can have control of the situation. And threatening doesn't work anyhow unless you are going to follow through. 19 months, she isn't going to remember later either. If it is that big of a deal, stay off the phone until you can put her in timeout...

Nellie - posted on 01/17/2012

28

0

2

no i don't drive and i meant when someone else is driving and my daughter hits, i can't threaten timeout cause she's already in the carseat

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/17/2012

3,377

8

66

Keep in mind, they know where and when it is the least convenient for you... You need to out smart them - leave the phone unless it is an emergency or until you can have control over the situation. ;)

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/17/2012

3,377

8

66

You are far from horrible and it is very normal for a child to act this way. For me, as long as I knew they were OK I ignored them. If they become to loud to listen to your conversation, they need to be let alone (somewhere safe of course). If she is in a carseat, then I am not sure there because that implies you are driving while talking? That is illegal here in Canada. But if it wasn't, I would more than likely stay clear of the phone until I was able to have control of the situation and put her in quiet time. She will get the hint very quickly. ;) Good Luck

Nellie - posted on 01/17/2012

28

0

2

How do I handle it though? I don't know what to do besides what I'm doing, try to disipline her (warnings and threaten timeout when in public) when she misbehaves, but how do I threaten time-out when she's already in a carseat? And people imply I'm a bad mom because I don't drop everything for her when I'm on the phone. She was fine before I got on the phone, and I'm rarely on it for more then five minutes and I do interact with her while I'm on the phone, I'm just not giving her my complete attention. For a total of 5 minutes. And somehow that makes me horrible?

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/17/2012

3,377

8

66

Because they know you cannot give your full attention to them. They want your attention but mostly when they know that you can't. They are smart little creatures! ;)

Christy - posted on 01/16/2012

2,218

41

438

Because the phone is ringing, or people are coming over. That's about all I can say, same stuff here,LOL!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms