Why dont I feel like a mum?

Julie - posted on 09/01/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a 3yo and a 1.5yo and I hate every day that passes, I feel trapped and lonely. I dont even want to hug my kids or play with them , I just want them to stay away from me and keep quiet, I'll put the young one down for as many naps as possible and ply the older one with tons of TV cartoons. I just want my life back. Im not a mum, im a joke

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User - posted on 09/02/2013

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It does sound like you have PPD longterm. I went through it and I know how it feels to be alone even when you have people around you, you just dont want to see them or for them to see you. It is very serious and hard to get out of, but it is totally possible and things will get better. You said you dont have time for therapy, but can you get a baby sitter. You need to to whatever you can for your children and yourself. When you get out of this, you will realize that it was the best decision to do something for yourself that you've ever made.
You posted on here so you are reaching for help. Getting better, doesnt mean getting depression medicine, I went without it and know many people who do and there is no use for it. You have to fix the problem so you can fix the symptoms. You will hear things you might not want to hear during your recover, but listen to me, keep your mind open, you only have one way and that is up.
I felt as if I was in a shell and people kept trying to get in but I pushed them away because I was vulnerable and I didnt want them in on how i truly felt, I didnt want to hurt them, but I already was without knowing. I was Neglecting my relationship with my husband, faking a smile for my son and just waiting for nap and bed time so I could be alone, it is not healthy.
You might feel alone, but you really arnt, a lot of people go through what you go through, and if you just reach out and are willing to listen, this stress and emotional drain you go through every day will start diminishing.
Please keep posting on here, people will help you through this. And not just on here, try talking to family, friends, if any, even when you go to the store, try small chat with people around. Its awkward but it seriously helps.
God sent this website to me right when I was about to give up, and it saved my relationship through the wonderful people on here that helped me through with advice, wisdom, kindness, and knowing someone will listen in my time of need.
Dont give up girl, its only the beginning, especially for your beautiful children, they deserve to have their momma bring them up the best way possible and to look up at you as a role model. Things will get better, you just have to let that wall down.
I will pray for you and your family. God Bless You

Amanda - posted on 09/01/2013

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Then you need to ask for help. A relative or friend should be willing to watch the children for an hour and a half a week so you can go to therapy.

Julie - posted on 09/01/2013

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I dont have TIME for therapy, these kids are always HERE they sap all my time and energy and leave me empty

Amanda - posted on 09/01/2013

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I think you need therapy. I've heard of post-partem depression occurring long after birth.

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