Will my son do average in academics?

Padmapriya - posted on 10/19/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi All,



I live in a joint family. My son is nearing 3 yrs(2 yrs 8 months). My nephew is 3 yrs months. So there is a age gap of 8 months.



My nephew is mild case of autism. He is obsessed with letters and alphabets and has learnt spellings and writing them at a very young age. He knows almost all his spellings. So he rather appears to be a genius and I am very happy for him.



My son on the other hand is a normal kid who likes cars. He is almost right on his milestones like he knows his colors, abcs, numbers, Verbally very good, has a wide oral vocabulary. But he is not obsessed about letters and alphabets like my nephew is. So he does not know his spellings. I have to repeat so many times before he picks up the spelling. When ever I try to teach him he does not seem to be interested. Now I am scared. After seeing my nephew everybody is impressed at what he can do and praise him high saying that he will shine in school and always compare him to my son and say my son is lazy and not interested in learning and will not do well in school.



Now I am sort of having nightmares and have become a manic about teaching him spellings and other stuff. I know I am being too hard on my son. Because he does seem to have an healthy appetite for books. Though he can't read but he enjoys them. We spend almost 2 hours in the night reading to him.



But not with my obsession Instead of seeing it as fun I am obsessed about teaching spellings and i know i am taking the fun out of learning. I know I am doing wrong in comparing kids.



So i have taken out some quite time and venting out my frustration here. I think I am failing as a mother. Please help me go on the right path. Since he is my first son I think I am over thinking things. Also I am expecting my second kid so I kind of get tired easily and in-spite of that I run at the back of my son every second to teach him spellings and writing. But my son just refuses to learn them and purpose fully spells them wrong to frustrate me further and laughs and I am loosing my temper.



Its just that after hearing to people like my MIL, even my husband who label my son as a lazy person......I feel like crying.



I feel he will not do well academically and fail miserably in school.



Thank you for hearing me out. I feel better after putting out things. This has been simmering in me for a long time.



Can any of you share your experiences with toddlers who more or less played a lot as toddlers but who also did academically good once they were in Kinder/school.



Thank you!

2 Comments

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Amy - posted on 10/19/2012

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Every child is different and just because a child excels at a young age doesn't mean that they will keep excelling as they get older. My son at 19 months was talking sentences, knew his alphabet, colors and shapes. My daughter 2 1/2 is just learning her alphabet, colors, shapes and just started speaking sentences a little after she turned 2. The problem we are encountering with my son is that because he's advanced he's bored at school and it's a constant battle every day to get him ready. He also "pretends" to be doing school work at school because he's so eager to learn new stuff but they aren't teaching anything new to him it's just a review of what he knows already.

Sarah - posted on 10/19/2012

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Your son is right where he should be. :) It is hard when you are constiantly seeing some one else close to your child's age do things above what yours is doing. Even though we don't want to compare kids we do...I think that is just human nature. Even if our brain tells us it makes no sense to compare.



With autism often times there is one area where they do VERY well in and sometimes are at a genius level for that area. But they lack in other areas and are often on the bottom level of ability on those areas. For autistic kids this is often times socialization. They don't know how to interact with others. They want to talk about and do that one area where they are good at and don't think or even allow others to talk about other subjects or how they are feeling. Your nephew will have challenges as he grows in this area. It will be hard for him in school and even as he gets older in a job. He will have to learn tools to help him to learn to socialize. Almost like someone who is dyslexic. They have to retrain their brain to see the letters the right way. Your nephew will have to retrain his brain to learn how to socialize.



Play is the best way for toddlers to learn. They learn their academics, but they also learn their social skills through play. At your son's age he should not be able to spell words or even read. For those that do that is great, but not the norm. By time he goes to kindergarden he should be able to write and recongize his name. That is about all the spelling most kindergarderns know. In kindergarden they will learn their letters, sounds, and how to write them. They will also start to learn their sight words (and, the, she, he, etc.)....most kids going into kindergarden do not know these ahead of kindergarden. Your son is still very young. He has 2-3 years before he goes to kindergarden. He will learn TONS during that time. Make learning fun. Most learning should be done as play. At this age if they are not having fun with it then it is time to stop and do something else. Right now focus on the letters and the sounds they make. This is where reading and writing starts. Again make it fun and if he is not interested then don't worry do something else.



Just to give you a bit of perspective I have done day care for 10 years and none of the kids that I have watched over the years were spelling or even writing their letters at 2 yrs. At 3 yrs they started learning how to write their letters and by the time they hit 4 yrs old they were able to write their name so you could read it and so the letters were in the right order, but this would take about the whole year of doing it. They have all done very well in school and some of them were actually head of others in kindergarden.

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