Am I overreacting?

Jennifer - posted on 01/15/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 12 months, she just turned 1 on Dec 30. I am still, very much, with her father. Tomorrow will be 4 years for us. My boyfriends mother doesn't really show any interest in my daughter, she sometimes acts like it but then she doesn't. For the past few weeks the weather here has been freezing and there's a lot of snow so I haven't taken my daughter out except for once for a doctors appointment. About once a week (without my daughter, lately) me and my boyfriend stop by her house to say hi and stuff like that and she NEVER asks about how her granddaughter is doing, very rarely she does but then I bring my daughter over and she holds her and goes "Hey beautiful, how've ya been? You don't remember me anymore do you? Bc your momma never brings you over!". That's just so rude, and it's NOT the only time she's said something like that. She has a boyfriend that is just.. not a nice person, neither me or my boyfriend like him, and his mother KNOWS that. My boyfriend's father is still very much in my boyfriends life and my daughter has met him, and my boyfriend has told his mother MULTIPLE times that her boyfriend is NOT our daughters grandfather and she will not call him "pop-pop". But guess what? Every time we're over she goes "Look Lilly, who's that? Is that pop-pop?". And me and my boyfriend are with my daughter 24/7 (besides working). Which, of course, she don't mind at all. And on our free time, she is who we hang out with. Ever since she was born, his mother has watched her a total of 2 times, so that we can have quality time to ourselves, she doesn't watch her because it's "not her responsibility". My parents are complete opposite, they're always asking to watch her and she absolutely loves them to death and she sees them everyday, almost. Also, my boyfriends mother didn't get anything for my daughters birthday because she "already got her something for Christmas." Guess what she got her for Christmas? a $25 giftcard to Toys R Us. I'm only PO'ed and upset because this was supposed to be her granddaughters FIRST birthday and Christmas and she is just being so... I don't even know the word for it! And it's not like she has money problems, she owns her own business and owns 2 apartments and just bought her boyfriend a brand new computer. Am I overreacting here?

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Ashley - posted on 01/21/2011

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I can't say I blame you...I would probably feel the same way.

The whole Christmas/birthday thing is a crock. My son's bday is about 2 weeks after Christmas, and I believe that just because his bday is close to Christmas does not mean that his birthday should be taken away from...& believe me, I'm not materialistic at all....& her Christmas 'present' to her grandbaby was very impersonal...just saying. :)

Patty - posted on 01/20/2011

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I can totally relate to you. It doesn't matter if she has a problem with you ( as mine does) if your mother in-law or any in-laws for that matter are not willing to make the effort that they are expecting out of you, than they have NOTHING to complain about. The next time she tells the baby well your mommy never brings you over to see grandma. Tell her I take her as often as grandma is willing to visit her. The door swings both ways. And your child will see that.

Dora - posted on 01/15/2011

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I can definitely see why you would get upset. I have issues with my mother in law. I can care less how she treats me or feels about me, but don't treat my son like he is 2nd to the other grand children. That I don't like. My husband and I used to try to have our son have a relationship with his grandparents, and now we have stopped. It is now in there hands. If they want to see him then make an effort. We both feel that if we invite them to his birthday then they should come, not come 2 weeks later to visit your friends instead. My son has a great relationship with my mom. I have to say I am extremely happy about that because at least he has 1 grandmother who absolutely loves him and goes out of her way to see him and spend time with him. If your boyfriend's mother wants to be more of a grandmother then she can make an effort. She can ask you guys to bring her over, etc......... As long as she has your mother who loves her then don't worry about it. You can't force a relationship on someone if they don't want it. Good luck with everything.

Ashley - posted on 01/15/2011

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I dont think so my MIL and I use that term lightly since she has never really been a mother to my husband has had nothing to do with her 2 grandchildren pretty much their whole like we have a 3 yr old and a 20 month old she was kinda around when the oldest was born but then would only see her if we met at the local coffee shop and then my husband and her got in a fight when our daughter was 7 months old by that time mil had only seen baby maybe 10 times and for only a few mins each time so my husband and her stopped speaking when his birthday came up a month and a half later she called and i quote she said Hi im buying my self a new iphone ... oh happy birthday bye like who does that anyways they still didnt talk when babies first birthday came we did invite her but she made up some bs about how she got a email from him saying his dad's side of the family was coming to the party just to bitch her out anyways needless to say she n him didnt talk for a while again we found out a month after that i was pregnant with number 2 already 15 weeks along so thorugh out the whole time she knew baby was expected but never called when baby was born in may of 2009 she never came around or called or anything she told everyone tons of stories about us how we wont let her near the kids and blah blah blah anyways in feb of 2010 she stopped by for the first time ever her coming to our place but the kids werent home so when she left instead of saying I would like to come by again when they are here she just left didnt come back again til after easter and had the nerve to tell my 2.5 yr old that its ok to hit people as long as it her aunt then she left we didnt hear form her again so we decided that was the last chance she gets we invited her to the babies 1st birthday and figured if she came then she gets a chance to be around if not shes done guess what she didnt come so we cut here out totally at that time about a month or two later we found out his dad n her were back together and his dad was demanding that we let her come to our wedding in sept with him we didnt give in so since then his dad has been trying to push her into our lives but hasnt happened yet if she wants it she will make an effort if not no one is missing out

Tina - posted on 01/15/2011

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It is really frustrating when a grandparent doesn't take the time to bother with their grandchild. The present thing wouldn't bother me because honestly I am just not a material type of person. I would rather that they spend time with their grandparent. I don't think you are over-reacting, I just think that a better effort needs to be made on both parts. The comments to your daughter are unacceptable and I would tell her that, I would also explain to her that it is a two way street if she wants to see her grand daughter then she needs to call/come over and make an effort also. I would be upset at her disobeying your wishes when it comes to not calling her BF pop pop. If you have clearly said that you don't want her calling him that then she needs to respect that.

Ashley - posted on 01/15/2011

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Maybe she just has a problem with you not bringing lily over as much as you could... when you stop by to visit why not have lily there? Im also thinking that the christmas birthday thing doesnt matter to her because it is going to come and go and its going to be forgotten, i never once asked my mom what i got on my first holidays so im sure she just is like it shouldnt matter kind of attitude... and Maybe she is just trying to teach you more responsibility that its hard being a parent and getting alone time and she isnt always going to watch lilly so you can get alone time... unless its really needed... and the whole boyfriend thing of the mom i would greatly ignore.. im sure they wont be together forever if he is a jerk sounding person... and maybe she has gotten to the point where she has already raised her children and doesnt want to bother with yours? idk but this is coming from experience... But i hope all goes well with you :)

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