BULLIES at the Mall

Darlena - posted on 09/07/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Thank you so much for your suggestions about the mall! I implemented several of them, and my kids were much better behaved. We ran into a different problem, this time.

Some kid PUSHED my kid. Right to the ground. I was right there (because, yes, I'm THAT mom) but her parent was nowhere in sight.

http://parentwin.blogspot.com/2010/09/pa...

Anyway, that's the story, but I'm wondering... should I have NOT stepped in? I mean, I'm sure that lady didn't appreciate me parenting her kid...

Add to this that the child that got pushed has been pushing her sister now for two days. Any ideas on how to get her to stop, or should I just repeat no no no?

5 Comments

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Tonya - posted on 09/07/2010

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I agree with Dawn that I wouldn't get involved at all unless my son pushed back. And I would also explain to him that the other child was wrong to hit but it is also wrong to hit back. I also tend to stand back and let them work it out for themselves. But I also believe that sometimes it is necessary to step in and gently say honey we don’t ----” if the child is continuously being aggressive.

Darlena - posted on 09/07/2010

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You know, I'm reconsidering my age assumption, tbh. She certainly wasn't older than my girls, but she may have been a short two year old. She was a quick walker, and what I didn't mention in my blog was that she pushed probably four other kids besides mine. Like, just went up to them and shoved them. I don't think it was because she was mean though. I think no one told her (or perhaps she is too young to understand) that you just can't push people over. I was just confused b.c my two are the only two I've ever dealt with, and they never pushed... so it's all new to me!


PS - I like you a lot. Thanks!

Darlena - posted on 09/07/2010

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You know, I'm reconsidering my age assumption, tbh. She certainly wasn't older than my girls, but she may have been a short two year old. She was a quick walker, and what I didn't mention in my blog was that she pushed probably four other kids besides mine. Like, just went up to them and shoved them. I don't think it was because she was mean though. I think no one told her (or perhaps she is too young to understand) that you just can't push people over. I was just confused b.c my two are the only two I've ever dealt with, and they never pushed... so it's all new to me!

Dawn - posted on 09/07/2010

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As far as your daughter pushing, all you can do is tell her that it is not appropriate and hope she stops soon. I was on your side until I read your blog and found that the pusher was only 18 months....that gets tricky. IMO, it doesn't matter if the mother is standing right next to the child, an 18 month old is going to try hitting, kicking, pushing....they simply don't know better at that age and can't be expected to remember it is wrong....I have read that this behavior doesn't end until around 3 or 4, when children develop impulse control and understand empathy. At this stage if something like that happened to my son and it was another 18 month old, I would just comfort my child and explain what happened but not say anything to the other child. And in fact, to a certain extent I wouldn't get involved at all unless my son pushed back, then I would explain to him that the other child was wrong to hit but its also wrong to hit back. I actually stand back alot and let the children work things out between themselves at first, then I will step in if I feel a problem will arise or get worse. Once my son was playing at a toy at the mall playground when another, slightly older boy came and pushed his way in, knocking over my son...he laid on the floor a minute, accessed the kid and the toy and went off in a different direction...I guess the toy wasn't worth the arguement that day. Another day an even older boy came shoving into the same toy, and my son, authoritatviely but not mean, pushed his hand off the toy and glared at him...the other boy left this time!! When I do get involved is when the child is older and IMO knows better, I will look them in the eye and tell them sternly that "we do not xxxxx". I actually have to do this often at our mall playground with the slide...everyone is climbing up the slide or blocking the tunnel for fun...they are always 5 or 6 years old....and all the little toddlers are pilling up on the stairs...at that point it is a safety issue. So, even though I don't think I would have done the same thing, I wasn't there to really get a feel for the situation. I restate what I said in the 1st post....just because you can sit on the bench while your kid plays doesn't mean you have to be engrossed in something...why do some parents have to completely ignore the children....sometimes I see people on their laptops, WTF!!!!

Dawn - posted on 09/07/2010

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As far as your daughter pushing, all you can do is tell her that it is not appropriate and hope she stops soon. I was on your side until I read your blog and found that the pusher was only 18 months....that gets tricky. IMO, it doesn't matter if the mother is standing right next to the child, an 18 month old is going to try hitting, kicking, pushing....they simply don't know better at that age and can't be expected to remember it is wrong....I have read that this behavior doesn't end until around 3 or 4, when children develop impulse control and understand empathy. At this stage if something like that happened to my son and it was another 18 month old, I would just comfort my child and explain what happened but not say anything to the other child. And in fact, to a certain extent I wouldn't get involved at all unless my son pushed back, then I would explain to him that the other child was wrong to hit but its also wrong to hit back. I actually stand back alot and let the children work things out between themselves at first, then I will step in if I feel a problem will arise or get worse. Once my son was playing at a toy at the mall playground when another, slightly older boy came and pushed his way in, knocking over my son...he laid on the floor a minute, accessed the kid and the toy and went off in a different direction...I guess the toy wasn't worth the arguement that day. Another day an even older boy came shoving into the same toy, and my son, authoritatviely but not mean, pushed his hand off the toy and glared at him...the other boy left this time!! When I do get involved is when the child is older and IMO knows better, I will look them in the eye and tell them sternly that "we do not xxxxx". I actually have to do this often at our mall playground with the slide...everyone is climbing up the slide or blocking the tunnel for fun...they are always 5 or 6 years old....and all the little toddlers are pilling up on the stairs...at that point it is a safety issue. So, even though I don't think I would have done the same thing, I wasn't there to really get a feel for the situation. I restate what I said in the 1st post....just because you can sit on the bench while your kid plays doesn't mean you have to be engrossed in something...why do some parents have to completely ignore the children....sometimes I see people on their laptops, WTF!!!!

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