CLINGY friend

Ashley - posted on 03/15/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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so i finally met my upstairs neighbors....20 year old girl, has a piece of sh*tttt boyfriend, and a 3 yr old girl. i am 21, i have a 3 yr old girl, and a 16 month old girl, and am hapily married. so we meet, and were both thrilled because we are both stay at home moms and both our girls are desperate for friends! but its not so amazing like i thought....this girl does not know what the word space means. right when she wakes up shes texting calling, texting calling, and wants to come over so the girls can play and we can talk. well the girls only get along for about 5 min, she doesnt have her daughter help pick up before she leaves, she blames my kid for not sharing, and hey i know my kid is no angel but at least i dont play it off like she is. i scold her when shes wrong. her kid is innocent in her eyes no matter what! because her bf is rarely home, shes clinging to me. i want to be here for her, and i want to help her through the crap shes going through, but im not available 24/7 mentally. and because her bf is never home, its like she doesnt want me happy with my husband. like i gotta be just as miserable as her when shes upset, im not aloud to be happy. im fed up!! but i also dont wanna lose her as a friend....im crazy right?

i've been wanting for a friend for my little one her age that lives close so i could set up play dates for her. and i've been waiting for a friend in my age group with kids too.....be careful what you wish for!!!

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Louise - posted on 03/15/2011

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I would cut back on the contact and just have set days where you meet up for a chat and for the girls to play. Look into play groups in the area and go along to those and if you really want to, tell this woman where they are and hopefully she will find new friends too. She is obviously lonely and pretty jealous of your situation but if you don't set some ground rules now you will end up hating her and resenting the time she is absorbing throughout the day.



If she texts just ignore it, arrange a day to meet and then stick to that day. Then arrange another day and ignore the texts in between. If she asks why you are ignoring her texts just tell her you are busy with the girls and don't always have your phone by your side all the time. She will eventually understand the rules to this friendship and give you some space. Not even best friends live like this so I can see why you are fed up.

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Dawn - posted on 08/03/2011

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You really need to set boundries.(sp?) I understand the need for a Friend (both for you and your Daughter) BUT quality Friends are what you need. Take control of the friendship and set up time allotments. Maybe even find a local Mom/me playgroup that you respect, then invite her too. Maybe you and she can branch out from there. Good Luck

Rebecca - posted on 03/24/2011

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I would get involved with other things maybe a play group or something that makes you busy/ unavailable. Say, listen me and my kids are going out for the day I'll catch up with you tomorrow. Some people just don't know when they need to back off unless they are told and can't seem to take hints. If this is the case you will have to tell her that you need space , you care about your friendship and would like it if she respected your boundaries a little better.

Amanda - posted on 03/24/2011

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try sitting her down and talking to her...hopefully she will understand, if she don't listen or understand that u need ur space but u still wanna be friends with her then u have to face the fact that u might just loose her...maybe not forever but she might get mad but as a friend u need to say these things to her. good luck I hope the best for u...

Lashanda - posted on 03/23/2011

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I can relate to this story, I had a friend who lived less than 5 minutes away, and the main problem was with her son who she did not make behave at all when he came over. He would tear up things in my house, break my son's toys and just make a mess all over my home. My friend would act as if it wasn't a big deal. I t was so bad until I would think of an excuse when she ask to come over. She was also having man problems, which can sometimes be normal when you are dating, but it was a situation that was causng her to be severely depressed. As a friend I tried to be there for her, but at the same time that person has to want to help themselves and also make their kids be respectful. We are still friends, but I had to distant myself from her until she gets it together. Unfortuanately everyoe you want to have as a close friend, is not meant to be one. If you pretend to be busy everytime she calls or text, she will eventually get the hint.

Geneen - posted on 03/21/2011

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Misery loves company. LOL. Seriously though like all realationships you have to set boundries. This just tells ne that that you have to sit down with her and set some guidelines on what is apporitate. "You can come over but between the hours of blank and blank. Its okay to call me but only at such and such a time and please limit your texting cause itsdriving me nuts. My guess is your her life-line cause her bf treats her like crap. Encourage her to do some kind of educational course or self advancement course that will help consume her time and bulid her self-esteem and image. She needs to start fousing on her self and less time burding yo uwith the same old same old. Friendship is never rude but encouraging, never rude but factual, never rude but finds common interests, never rude but propell others foward nither does it intrude. If you can not be either of this things with her then prehaps you need to examine wether or not you want to reamin friends. Some people are ment to associates and not friends.

Melissa - posted on 03/17/2011

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join a mommy-and-me play date, have days where you go grocery shopping, so on and so forth. start filling up some of your time with other activities so you're not readily available to your neighbor. it's very difficult to have a clingy neighbor. my boyfriend and i always wanted our neighbors to be our friends, until it finally happened!! they were coming knocking on our door ALL the time, talking to us from out in the hall way whenever they'd come or go, and it was nice to have a friend close, but it was just TOO MUCH! plus having a baby it was a little inconvinient. you don't want to hurt her feelings, but you want to maintain your own space and privacy as well. being a mom can be a stressful job, and it's important to have other moms as friends, but maybe relay the message to her that while it's awesome having her so close, you sometimes just want a little time to you and your daughter. she's only going to be home with you for so much longer before she's off at school, and you want to utilize what time you have left to be with her as much as possible. if she can't be understanding of you wanting some personal space, that's her issue, not yours. what you're saying is completely valid and healthy. no one should hang out with the same person every day all day. i can barely hang out with the same person every OTHER day! (except my family, of course lol). best of luck to you! hopefully she can be mature about it :0)

Lynne - posted on 03/16/2011

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I have been there and done that and it is very hard. You are convenient and your house gets messed up, not hers. She is probably very nice in her way and it is great to think that you are helping someone else, but your first priority is your child. Get this woman to bring some of her child's favorite toys along so that her child must share some of her belongings, just to make it fair for your daughter, or go visit with her upstairs. She sounds like a bit of a user to me, so I would limit the contact to a set time a few days a week. If she gravitates somewhere else, well and good. You can't expect one friend to provide all of your needs and she needs to learn that. Find out if you can get an answering message on your phone and then tell her you check your messages only at a certain time of day, and you are telling all your friends the same thing because you don't like technology running your life. Get your litle girl involved in an actiivity or two that is run by a rec centre, for example, or swimming lessons, or pre-school, or story time at the library, so that you are both out meeting new people instead of being stuck in this woman's disfunctional world. Maybe suggest councelling for her, rather than being her sounding board. Talking about it with you could be taking the place of her actually doing soimething about her situation. You can still be her friend, but set some limits.



As an afterthought, your girl is old enough you can talk to her about sharing, and about her having a say in what she is prepared to share. If the other child has free reign to wander about and just take your daughter's stuff that isn't fair. It may distress her to have another child playing with something she really treasures, and she should be allowed to have ownership over her things. Let her decide which toys she wants to share, and maybe provide toys that are just for sharing, so that she feels that she has some control over her own things.

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