Co sleeping

Chloé - posted on 08/29/2010 ( 44 moms have responded )

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I let my daughter sleep in the same room with us till she was 6 months old then gradually started to move her to her own room now my son is 4 months old and still sleeping in his bassinet. Is it normal for a mom to not be ready to move her child to their own room before 6 months to a year old?

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[deleted account]

We have co-slept with all 3 kids. At one point, we had them on mattresses on the floor of our bedroom so that we could have our bed to ourselves. Eventually, a nice room will appeal to them (and a separate one will appeal to you too), but in cultures all over the world, kids sleep with their parents until all ages. Do whatever feels right to you. Co-sleeping is perfectly safe in non-drinking, non-smoking households.

Rebecca - posted on 08/31/2010

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Having your child in your room or co-sleeping especially in the first 6 months actually reduces the risk of SIDS so it's not a bad thing at all.

[deleted account]

Yes. It's so much harder on some of us then it is on the kid.
And cosleeping is not a bad habit it is a life style choice.
Our kids will tell us when they are ready. My son coslept with my husband and I until he was 9-10 months old and then it was only for morning snuggles and then he decided he liked his crib better and it had more room and he's never come back even after the switch to his toddler bed.
If your son is ready, then go with his cues. Just have some extra long snuggles before bed time and during feeding.

Charlie - posted on 09/30/2010

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It's totally natural to have that mother child bond and totally natural to co - sleep .

A RECENT review of cosleeping by Proffessor Mckenna the worlds leading expert at The University of Notre Dame Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Lab and also the leading world expert on SIDS says this:
Recently, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) SIDS Sub-Committee for whom I served (ad hoc) as an expert panel member recommended that babies should sleep close to their mothers in the same room but not in the same bed. While I celebrated this historic room-sharing recommendation, I disagreed with and worry about the ramifications of the unqualified recommendation against any and all bedsharing. Further, I worry about the message being given unfairly (if not immorally) to mothers; that is, no matter who you are, or what you do, your sleeping body is no more than an inert potential lethal weapon against which neither you nor your infant has any control. If this were true, none of us humans would be here today to have this discussion because the only reason why we survived is because our ancestral mothers slept alongside us and breastfed us through the night!

I am not alone in thinking this way. The Academy of Breast Feeding Medicine, the USA Breast Feeding Committee, the Breast Feeding section of the American Academy of Pediatrics, La Leche League International, UNICEF and WHO are all prestigious organizations who support bedsharing and which use the best and latest scientific information on what makes mothers and babies safe and healthy. Clearly, there is no scientific consensus.

What we do agree on, however, is what specific "factors" increase the chances of SIDS in a bedsharing environment, and what kinds of circumstances increase the chances of suffocation either from someone in the bed or from the bed furniture itself. For example, adults should not bedshare if inebriated or if desensitized by drugs, or overly exhausted, and other toddlers or children should never be in a bed with an infant. Moreover, since having smoked during a pregnancy diminishes the capacities of infants to arouse to protect their breathing, smoking mothers should have their infants sleep alongside them on a different surface but not in the same bed.


Harvard psychiatrist Michael Commons and his colleagues recently presented the American Association for the Advancement of Science with research that suggests that babies who sleep alone are more susceptible to stress disorders.

Notre Dame anthropology professor and leading sleep researcher, James McKenna has long held that babies who sleep with their mothers enjoy greater immunological benefits from breast-feeding because they nurse twice as frequently as their counterparts who sleep alone.

In his book on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, Pediatrician William Sears cites co-sleeping as a proactive measure parents can take to reduce the risk of this tragedy. His theory, based on McKenna's research, is that babies who sleep with parents spend less time in Level III sleep, a state of deep sleep when the risk of apneas are increased. Further, co-sleeping babies learn to imitate healthy breathing patterns from their bunkmates.

Every scientific study of infant sleep confirms that babies benefit from co-sleeping. Not one shred of evidence exists to support the widely-held notion that co-sleep is detrimental to the psychological or physical health of infants.

INterestingly enough In Japan where co-sleeping and breastfeeding (in the absence of maternal smoking) is the cultural norm, rates of the sudden infant death syndrome are the lowest in the world.
That the highest rates of bedsharing worldwide occur alongside the lowest rates of infant mortality, including Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) rates, is a point worth returning to.
There is no doubt that bedsharing should be avoided in particular circumstances and can be practiced dangerously. While each single bedsharing death is tragic, such deaths are no more indictments about any and all bedsharing than are the three hundred thousand plus deaths or more of babies in cribs an indictment that crib sleeping is deadly and should be eliminated. Just as unsafe cribs and unsafe ways to use cribs can be eliminated so, too, can parents be educated to minimize bedsharing risks.

so do what feels right for you :D

[deleted account]

Quoting Missy Howes:
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MIssy Howes - posted September 16, 9:46 pm
.Cherie/ I have to agree with you. When my son was a newborn I slept on the couch with his bassinet beside me. He had no reason to be in my husband and I's bed. It takes once for him or I to roll over, or throw a pillow by accident, it's too dangerous. Not only that, I've seen people who allow thier 8,9,10 year old children STILL sleep with them and their husbands, and I think that it is ABSOLUTLY RIDICULOUS!!! you have to teach your children independance from you, Nobody loves their child more than I love mine, but It's my job to teach him how to be independant, while still being able to count on me. He's got his own room and his own crib, and when he cries Im right there to show him that everythings alright and that I'm nearby. My God, what did we do 100 years ago when there WERNT any baby monitors and children ***GASP had to sleep in their own beds, and ****THE HORROR*** Learn how to be independant.

Actually Missy, 100 years ago (and dating back MUCH MUCH longer than that) it was even MORE common for children to sleep with their parents. Even today, in some countries around the world, children sleep with their parents until they are 7, 8, 9 years old and there is nothing wrong with it. You may THINK there's something wrong with it because you have a modern day perception of what "should" and "should not" be allowed but in all honesty, things have only been the way you are accustomed to for less than a century.
I have a question for Sherri Champagne also. I am just curious to know why you don't think your children belong in your room? I honestly am just curious. Is it a religious thing? And about you hearing your child and not needing a monitor? That's great for you but me personally? I slept better knowing I had one. I wouldn't have heard my son cry from his own room accross the house.

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Sherri - posted on 10/07/2010

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Actually I just went and checked and the AAP Does NOT recommend cosleeping at all. They actually say risk for SIDS is higher for those that Co-sleep. Room sharing is recommended but not bed sharing!!

Amanda - posted on 10/07/2010

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We cosleep/bedshare with our 21 month old son. We are working on moving him to his own bed bc we are expecting baby number 2 in Jan. We rearanged our bedroom and out a twin bed in there for him. I feel so much better having him in the same room as us. I have this big fear of things happening in the night. If he is in the same room then I can respond quickly to whatever might happen.
There is nothing wrong with cosleeping with a child/ren. It is the norm in many cultures. The AAP actually recommends room sharing until the child is at least a year old. For some reason here in the states we put such a huge emphasis on independence. we expect our young to grow up way faster than they should and push independence on them. Children are supposed to depend on us and it is normal for a mother to want to remain close to her children.
Follow your instincts!

Zeudi - posted on 10/01/2010

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Very normal. My daughter stayed in the same room with me until she was close to 1 yr old. so did the 2 boys. Now I have a 4 month old and he is still in the same room with me.

[deleted account]

Sherri, I never said that kids aren't cuddly when they're older and I'm glad you cuddle with yours. What I said was that while "my son is this young and cuddly"....I'm gonna enjoy it and he can cuddle with me anywhere he wants to. And I wasn't saying that your kids don't have access to you 24/7. Again, I was talking about the way it works in MY home.

Morgan - posted on 09/30/2010

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Both of our girls slept in a bassinet in our room until they were 3 months old then they went to their own rooms and cribs. I think as long as they aren't in your bed it isn't bad. I don't agree with them in the bed because of the safety of it and the bad habit it may create. But I don't look down upon parents who do it is their choice and if it works for them that's great. I just wasn't for me and my hubby.

Sherri - posted on 09/30/2010

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They are cuddly even when they are older they don't need to sleep with you to be cuddly. My older two boys who are 12 & 13 still will curl up on the couch with me. My 4yr old gets lots of cuddle time but once again never in my bed unless it is early on a weekend morning and we will snuggle and watch cartoons in our room. The only place my husband and I are intimate and spend cuddle time with each other are in our bed so for those reasons my children do not need to be in my bed. Not to mention we all sleep better in our own beds and everyone gets a better nights rest. Our kids always have access to us also 24/7 if they are ill or have a bad dream I will make a bed in the livingroom and we will camp out in there with them. If it works for you great, I find it detrimental to the development of my kids so it won't work in our home.

[deleted account]

I was just asking Sherri, because it is a very different life than the one we are living. Our child has access to us 24/7 and we're ok with that. And as far as intimacy goes with my husband, there are other ways to obtain that need. And besides, I have the rest of my life to enjoy intimacy with my husband (not that he's lacking now). But my window of time my son will be this young and cuddly? A very small window....

Sherri - posted on 09/30/2010

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Religious How? NO not by any means. Every person has there own beds and that is how it should be. Moms & Dads need to have there own space and there own privacy without children. A parents bed is for sleeping and intimacy something you can do neither of with your kids in the bed. I don't want my kids in my bed period. My kids were always within ear shot if they needed me. I love my kids to death. I stay at home with them 24/7 but at night we all retire to our own bedrooms in our own beds and every night. Much healthier relationship with my husband, I and my kids this way.

http://www.wholefamily.com/aboutyourkids...
Co-Sleeping for Infants May be Dangerous
In a May 1999 study published in Pediatrics, a journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, researchers found that "In 1995, suffocation was the leading cause of injury death for infants younger than age 1." And "…the greatest increase in infant suffocation deaths since 1980 has been in those "overlain" (parent on top of child) while bed-sharing." The researchers "stress that bed-sharing and the use of adult beds for infants should be discouraged."

A more recent study, published in the same journal on March 2000, also reached similar conclusions. "A crib that conforms to the safety standards of the Consumer Product Safety Commission and the ASTM (formerly the American Society for Testing and Materials) is a desirable sleeping environment for infants… Bed sharing or co-sleeping may be hazardous under certain conditions."

http://www.drhull.com/EncyMaster/C/co-sl...
The cultural roots of co-sleeping have more to do with economic necessity than anything else. The observation that most of the world's children sleep with their parents is simply a restatement of the fact that most of the world's children live in cramped quarters. The advantages claimed for co-sleeping are many but mainly center on purported significant emotional benefits to the child. These supposed benefits have not been actually documented. There is no evidence that cultures that practice co-sleeping produce adults who are any better adjusted (or worse) than those cultures who practice separation.

A recent study of co-sleeping by breast feeding infants showed that the co-sleeping infants nursed more frequently at night (surprise) and had more night wakings even when they slept apart from the mother. This reinforces my observations and my conclusion that habitually allowing babies to sleep with the parents is not a good long-term plan for average middle-class families in western industrial societies, as it leads to a host of sleep-related behavior problems later on in infancy and the toddler years. I have found it true in counselling mothers using my video that co-sleeping can lead to what is perceived by the parents as very dependent and demanding behavior from the child at night.

Last but not least, co-sleeping is a risk factor for SIDS, especially when combined with maternal smoking. The Consumer Product Safety Commission has warned about this risk and advises against co-sleeping for children under 2 years of age.

[deleted account]

I think it's perfectly normal to not be ready to seperate from your child. Co-sleeping is not a "bad habit" like some people think it is. It is a family choice and a natural way of life for some. Our son is almost 3 and sleeps with us every night. We had him in our room from birth, in a basinette, then his crib, occasionally in the bed with us. When he was 6 months old he went into his own room because our noises (hubby's snoring, my movements) were waking him up. He was fine in his own room until about 8 months ago, when we moved from Florida to NY and had to stay with my MIL. We had to share a room (hubby, myself and our 2 year old). This eventually led to him coming to our bed every night and now, even though we're in our own house, he still chooses to sleep with us and we're ok with that. There's nothing I like more than to wake up with my son's head tucked under my chin, smelling his hair and feeling his arm wrapped around my neck or over my shoulder. They're only this sweet and little once and I see nothing wrong in enjoying it. I've heard a lot of other stories from moms about having no difficulties getting their kids to sleep in their own rooms later. When the time is right for them to be in their own room, you just have to make it someplace they want to be.

Bri - posted on 09/29/2010

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I think you should go with your maternal instincts. As for myself, the DOCTORS say that its unsafe to put your child in the same bed with you, however, I disagree. With both of my children I have NEVER rolled onto my children & to be honest in a SOBER mother your instincts wont allow for it to happen && there have also been studies done that prove cosleeping is actually NOT as harmful b/c the babies heartrate actually syncs with the mother's so co-sleeping actually LESSENS the risk for SIDS. (as this was told to me by the midwives who waterbirthed my son)--it is actually being RECOMMENDED now by SOME that cosleeping is better. Overall, each child is different and yours will let you know when they're ready.

Rebecca - posted on 09/18/2010

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I totally know what you are feeling!!! With my first born I was very strict and never let him sleep with us, unless he was sick, which suited him really well cause he liked his own space. However my daughter, who is now 8 months old, was COMPLETELY different. She had a tough start to life, which made things a little different, but she slept in with us for months. But then about a month ago she started indicating she was ready for her own bed, and now she is in her bed most nights. I think I found it harder than her to move her, which is weird cause I didn't at all with my son. But again- every baby is different. And I believe that you know your child better than anyone else and you will know when its time for you both. :)

Co sleeping is a subject where people either feel one way or the other usually, but I have done both and I can say that it hasn't made either of my kids 'bad sleepers' or formed any 'bad habits'. I believe in doing what you believe is best for your situation and life and if you change your mind.... kids adapt to changes! Its apart of life. :)

MIssy - posted on 09/16/2010

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Not to mention that alot of times it's US as parents the cant' let our children go. Im sure your children would be absolutly fine on thier own. I don't want to hinder my son's growth and independance because I have the NEED to have him beside me at all times. As parents we sacrifice for our children. We want them to grow and thrive, not have to look at us to see what they want them to do/say.

MIssy - posted on 09/16/2010

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Cherie/ I have to agree with you. When my son was a newborn I slept on the couch with his bassinet beside me. He had no reason to be in my husband and I's bed. It takes once for him or I to roll over, or throw a pillow by accident, it's too dangerous. Not only that, I've seen people who allow thier 8,9,10 year old children STILL sleep with them and their husbands, and I think that it is ABSOLUTLY RIDICULOUS!!! you have to teach your children independance from you, Nobody loves their child more than I love mine, but It's my job to teach him how to be independant, while still being able to count on me. He's got his own room and his own crib, and when he cries Im right there to show him that everythings alright and that I'm nearby. My God, what did we do 100 years ago when there WERNT any baby monitors and children ***GASP had to sleep in their own beds, and ****THE HORROR*** Learn how to be independant.

Sarah - posted on 09/16/2010

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every now and then my son co-sleeps with me .. eg. when he's teething badly, ill,when we are napping or when he has woken in the night and won't go back to bed.
he loves getting mummy cuddles.
he is 19months old. got his own room at 14months (no room previously until we turned dining room into my sister's room) and went into a toddler bed at 18months x

Noly - posted on 09/16/2010

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its normal not to feel ready, even after a year. its always tempting to put it off until a later time. i think at one point you have to let go, but not too late though coz u dont want journalists in your bedroom do you?

Julie - posted on 09/10/2010

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Absolutely normal. Especially if one's husband has not yet finished the baby's room:-P

Seriously, do what is best for YOU and YOUR family, everyone else is different!

Sherri - posted on 09/10/2010

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Not for all of us Angelica I never had my kids in my room. Couldn't stand them in my bed, still can't and didn't think they belonged in my room either. So I slept on the couch with the kids in a bassinet for the first few weeks. Then they all went straight into there cribs in there own rooms. Never owned a monitor either, I always heard them cry when they needed me.

Angelica - posted on 09/10/2010

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it is, I dont think its too bad, my daughter as sleeping in our room, although in her on crib, until she was three years old, so I decided ( well my husband was more enthusiastic about it than me) to move Angelique to her own room, it was hard at first(atleast for me) to adjust, when my daughter started sleeping in her own room, I still put her to bed, read her a story, and stay with her in her bed ti'll she falls asleep, then I leave, but always have my video monitor on. in my room so I can watch her, Just in case. Its hard to put our babies to sleep alone at firs, but after awhile you get used to it,best of luck to you mommy!!!

Leighann - posted on 09/09/2010

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My son is 2 and a half and he sleeps in his toddle bed in my room, we just got a 2 bedroom apt, but he won't sleep in there. Honestly I feel safer with my son in the same room with us.

Heather - posted on 09/09/2010

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I didn't move my baby girl to her own room until she was 9.5 months old. Keep them in your room as long and it's fine with you and your husband. No reason to move him anytime soon. Do what makes YOU feel comfortable.

Myetta - posted on 09/04/2010

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Totally normal....normal is different for everyone...do what is best for you and yours

Megan - posted on 09/04/2010

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no offense,but thats what worked for you! i dont believe in having a newborn sleep in the bed with you,but having your baby sleep in his or her crib in your room i dont see anything wrong with it and i wouldnt label it a bad habit either! especially if you breast feed your baby thats the best way to feed your baby and the healthiest,so thats why my daughter will be sleeping in a bassinet crib cradle whatever i decide to use in my room!personally i feel at ease knowing shes just a step away being a newborn anything can happen,the quicker i get to her the better! and intercoms could malfunction at any time,so they are not100 percent reliable!i know i am!

Megan - posted on 09/04/2010

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you know in your heart if its the right thibg to do for your baby,evey baby is different i hate when people dont realize that! i believe being the babies mother you have your motherly instincts,u know whats good for you and your baby!

[deleted account]

I am a single mother. My daughter and I share a room and she is two. I don't bring anyone home, so I just never bothered sleeping in my room instead of the nursery. She will not sleep in the same bed as me, she likes her crib best. She watches TV in my bed before bedtime, but thats about it.

Tracy - posted on 09/02/2010

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I moved my daughter when I felt it was time. I think that is different for everyone. She was around 5m old and had been in a bassinet in our room when she began to sleep 6-7 hours at a stretch. We decided that was a good time to move her to her crib in the next room. It went great and she slept over 8 hours the first night in her crib, we were shocked! Seems my husband getting up for work in the morning is the reason she woke up every day around 6am. From then on she slept until after 7am. Don't let other mom's make you feel like you should or shouldn't do anything. If you are comfortable with moving her, then it's time. If you are uneasy and don't feel right about it yet then wait a little longer.

Marissa - posted on 09/02/2010

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My daughter is 18 months and I coslept with her because it was easiest when I was breastfeeding. However, she did sleep in her crib or beassinet for naps. After about six months, I started moving her to bed at night and I would go into her room to feed her or bring her back to bed with me if she was really fussy. Now that she is older, she sleeps in her bed most of the time, but if she has a nightmare or is sick, she comes to my bed. My husband works out of town most of the time, so it's not super squished in bed! I am 29 weeks pregnant with our second and I'm planning on doing the same thing. I think everyone needs to do what is best for them and their child. Every situation is different. I still love when my daughter sleeps with me because we get to cuddle and we bond in a way we don't get to during the day. It's really special.

Megan - posted on 09/02/2010

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i think that its totally up to u,if you are comfortable with making the move then do it! no ansewr is wrong to that question,u know ur his mommy,u know whats best! as long as u have the intercom things i think he will be fine!

Wendy - posted on 09/01/2010

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I am a pro-cosleeper person, but it comes down to whatever YOU are comfortable with. Don't worry about what anyone else says or thinks. Everyone has an opinion; when it comes to your child, you and the father's opinion are all that matters. It's good to get information from as many different views and resources as possible, then take what feels right for you and throw away the rest. Follow your own path and instincts as a mother ALWAYS! :o)

Jewel - posted on 09/01/2010

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I think some children need that contact more than others, and some moms need it too. I do not think there is anything abnormal about you at all...

Dora - posted on 08/31/2010

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We had our son in our room for the first 2 months. I think it is really up to the parents. Now that he is in his own room I look forward to Sunday morning when he wakes up and we bring him into our bed to hang out with us. He is now 2yrs old. I don't believe you can ever cause a negative effect on your child if you are loving and caring for them. Children can never get too much love. They grow up so fast and you should cherish every moment with them. So if you want to keep you 2nd child in your room and you & your hubby are fine with that then do it.

Amanda - posted on 08/31/2010

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my boyfriend and ii started bed-sharing with our son when he was 9months old & we didnt have any problems with him transitioning into his "big boy bed" when he turned 18months. [it's right beside our bed] but when its time to wake up, he'll come snuggle between his dad & ii. ii wouldnt have it any other way! ♥

Caeri - posted on 08/30/2010

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Dr. Sears has some great books on "attachment parenting." Every family, every parent and every child is different. All 3 of my children slept in my room for a different amount of time. My oldest transitioned when I was pregnant with my 2nd and we got him a "big boy" bed. My 2nd was much older than he probably should've been before he slept through the night in his own room but we figured he was our last child so we didn't have the transition incentive we had with the first. My youngest slept just fine on her own by the time she was a year old but I check on her about 12 times before I can sleep and she still comes in my room if she wakes up at night. Do what works best for you and your baby.

[deleted account]

My two year old boy, stayed ina cot in our room until he was one, and now have a 4 month old who I will probably do the same. If we had a bigger room I would love for us all still to be in the same room lol!!

Erin - posted on 08/30/2010

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Nothings normal. Every child is different and I think you should do what ever your maternal instinct tells you.

September - posted on 08/30/2010

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I think it varies from family to family. I myself do not agree with co-sleeping. Our son slept in his bassinette until he was around 4 months old and yes it was hard for me to transition him from his bassinette to his crib. Our son did wonderful however it took me several weeks to get use to. I learned from my sister's experience of co-sleeping and decided its best that we not co-sleep with our son. I like having my privacy with my husband and to be honest I sleep much better knowing that I'm not going to roll over on our son in the middle of the night. Our son is 22 months old and sleeps wonderfully in his own crib and in fact when it's bed time he asks to go to his room and I love that!

[deleted account]

If it works for you then go ahead!! I had my daughter in and out of our room at different points till she was 9 months (due to renovation necessity and based on her needs). If it means you are both sleeping and he is healthy what does it matter. Is he going to compain when he is 20 that his mommy loved him so much that as a baby she wanted him close by?

Deborah - posted on 08/30/2010

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Absolutely. As long as the child is not in your bed (which is a major safety hazzard) then I say it's fine. Just be sure to make sure he has the ability to sleep on his own without you in the room, If he can't you don't want to wait till he is 1 becasue then you have to retrain him for bedtime. But go with your gut instinct, As a mom you know what is best for you and your baby. plus if you are anxious your baby will pick up on that and become anxious at bedtime and that is just something you don't want to deal with,

Karen - posted on 08/29/2010

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My daughter co-sleeps with us and she's 21 months old. I can't imagine it any other way. She's totally happy and so are we. I ask her if she wants to sleep in her own bed and she says no. She'll move to her own room/bed whenever she's ready.

Sherri - posted on 08/29/2010

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My 3 kids were all sleeping in there own cribs in there own rooms within a few weeks. I never allowed them to sleep with us as I didn't want to break bad habits later.

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