Daughter being pinched in play group!!! Help please!!

Sunn - posted on 11/07/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi All. My daughter is 11 month. We made friends with a mom and her 3 year old daughter at one of the 3 playgroups we attend. It was great that I finaly had a "friend" in the area as we had recently moved. I noticed my daughter having red marks and scratches on her hands, sometimes to the extent her skin would be bleeding. I thought she was bumping into things and frankly was really puzlled.
Then one time I caught the 3 year old pinching her hands in a sneaky way as she waited until I had turned away and I feel so lucky to have witnessed this. I am not a confrontational type of person so I avoid mom and daughter and avoid some of the smaller play groups so as not to have to explain as to why I do not want her daughter near mine.
What would you or have you done in a similar or same situation???? Please help!!! As her daughter runs to hug and cuddle mine in all the play groups.

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April - posted on 11/14/2010

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I recently witnessed my son's classmate poking, hitting and pulling my son's hair during morning assembly at his child-care centre. My son just pulled away from the boy slightly but did not retaliate.His english teacher in attendance half-heartedly pulled the aggressor away but when the agression continued, her attention was elsewhere. Once at work, I emailed her about the incident and she wrote me a long reply about how at this age, the children are learning to socialize and how to solve problems among themselves and that adults shouldn't intervene "all the time" as this will lead to the children over-reliance on adults. Yes, I understand all that but we are talking about toddlers aged 2! Anyway, I am really upset with her attitude as this isn't the first case - my son's face was scratched by another classmate just 2 weeks earlier. I am looking for another school for my son because I think it is bullshit to expect 2-year old toddlers to resolve conflicts themselves.

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Erin - posted on 11/15/2010

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I think it's normal for the children to be this way at this age. But is up to us to correct their inappropriate behaver. If we don't intervene and tell them not to hit, poke, and so forth how are they going to learn not to. April, I don't blame you for looking for another school.

Sunn - posted on 11/11/2010

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Thank you Erin and Jade, I am starting to realize that my little one might not be an angel at that age and she will probably be doing all the above. I feel much better now that I know that its what kids "do" and how to handle it. I feel crappy though that I didn't handle it well first time round. The reason I wont bother mentioning anything to the other mom is that she knows her daughter misbehaves but she feels that who ever is on the receiving end should tell her daughter off. But will definitely mention it when/if it happens again :)

Jade - posted on 11/08/2010

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i agree with the last post try matching kids age to age i know its difficult but when there pinching hitting etc least the other child is same age doing usually the same things also just tell the mom think how you would feel especially if shes doing it to other children i would want to know so i could deal with it, you didnt realise straight away so the mom mite not know just drop it in conversation i would deffo make sure you mention it x

Erin - posted on 11/08/2010

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Sometimes kids at 3 pinch, hit, and bite other kids. I don't think it's particularly easy being on either end. My son was having an issue hitting but I think I have nipped it in the bud for the most part (I hope.) Unfortunately, I've found it difficult to socialise him in organised settings, there doesn't seem to be ones around where I'm from. Anyway, When I caught him hitting other children at the mall playground I told him he needed to be gentle, now he hugs everyone instead. But when my son did it, he looked at me, then hit to see if I would allow it, he was testing his limits.
What I would suggest is trying to find playgroups that cater more to your daughters age. There is a huge gap in your daughter's and her daughter's stages of Development . Have her play with babies her own age at 11 months kids usually aren't doing things like pinching and hitting each other so you won't have to worry about this happening. Good luck I'm not confrontational either. So I know how awkward these situations can be.

Sunn - posted on 11/08/2010

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Thank you Jenny, luckily its either parents or nannies/babysitters with the children in these playgroups no child is really "unsupervised". Ive tried speaking with the child but I don't think I will fill totally comfortable with her playing with my daughter.I am even considering changing some play groups and times. Let me see what happens this week :))
xxx

Jenny - posted on 11/07/2010

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Is there a teacher or another adult at the playgroup? You could inform them of the situation and tell them your not comfortable telling the other mom. Or if you saw the child pinch you could tell her that, that is not nice to do since you did see her do it. I can understand the feeling because I'm not confrontational either but also your baby shouldn't be getting pinched. Good luck.

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