Epic tantrums and dealing with my own anger around them

Vix - posted on 11/02/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 2 and 3-quarters year old daughter has rceently upped the stakes in the tantrum department; she can go on for about half an hour and get herself into a right state if she is overtired and doesn't get her own way. All the old methods we used - time outs, restriction of privileges etc - don't work in this case; I've even resorted to the classic 'telling her off' and spanking which doesn't work either. I have reinstated the afternoon nap recently and that's made it less frequent, but she caught me by surprise this morning by going off on one while we were out (very unusual), in the morning before the nap (again, highly unusual). She's had a big growth spurt recently so may just be exhausted and irritable, but my main problem is my own emotions around it. Listening to that noise just infuriates me after a while and I lose the ability to deal with it calmly. What to do?! I don't like what I become at these times.

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View replies by

Kaye - posted on 11/04/2009

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Hello Vix,
you sound at your wits end? I understand your infuriation with the noise of a screaming child having a tantrum, and trying to keep calm or switching off isn't easy, some people can but not many! I think you might be right about the cause though, alot of kids get way over irritable when they are going through a growth spurt.
The only thing I could suggest is to try and keep a note of the 'triggers' for her tantrums and see if a pattern emerges. Then you can work on ways to avoid the triggers, or divert them before she explodes.
I always try and take my son out well fed and after a nap, I keep a few new toys in my hand bag ( small book, toy cars, etc ) these I use for bordom busters when he's getting fed up of being in the shops! I always take snacks and a drink too! I know it sounds alot but if it goes any way in saving your sanity it's worth it.
I know it sounds harsh, but the bigger reaction a child gets the more they seem to tantrum, as that it usually what a tantrum is all about, getting your attention, making you react and feeling they are in control.... if you lose your control, then you give the control to your child.
Invest in an ipod, stick the speakers in your ears and wait until calm resumes.
Hope this has helped
Kaye xx

Teri - posted on 11/04/2009

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I know how u feel, i don't like what i become either and it seems impossible to control and thats our emotions, Im glad im not the only one. Im single and a student and astress head so things just get to mch sometimes. If u have a partner get them to deal with it and leave the house or do anything to get away. I know it sounds harsh but i wish i could. I also have alot of contact with my health visitor, they may not be able to wave a magic wand but they are full of advice and are always reasuring. They may be able to advice u on courses going on in your area. I did an Incredible years course which is all about dealing with young children. It was great we had free child care and also got tea and chats with other mums.

Missy - posted on 11/02/2009

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Oh my gosh I totally know what you are talking about. My son just turned 3 Sept 30th and he is driving us nuts with his temper, acting like he is going to hit us, throwing things, etc. We have really gotten firm with him and have resorted to spanking again, but fortunately I don't have to spank him too often. He's the same, if he doesn't nap he snaps!

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