Feel like I have lost my Identity....

Anita - posted on 11/17/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Lately I have been feeling very lonely. It has nothing to do with my loving partner or adorable children (1 and 2 year olds) but more to do with me feeling insecure and dealing with the everyday demands of being a mummy to 2 highly active children. My day starts at 6am and doesn't stop until midnight. The only time I sit down is when I eat my lunch (some days) or when I am driving (or the odd time when I get to check my emails) or late at night when they are both asleep but usually then I have to do the housework etc.
Anyways I feel like I have let myself go. When I go to the shop I feel like a feral, my hair is just tucked up underneath a cap, no makeup, thongs, clothes that are about 5 years old. I honestly don't have 5 mintues to myself during the day. My children are with me 24 hours a day, they don't go to daycare (I work at home as an Accountant... or try to anyway) and they only have 1 set of grandparents that live 6 hours drive away. They are also very demanding. I can't even brush my hair withoiut them screaming or fighting. Not a minute goes by without one of them screaming. It's driving me nuts!!!!!! I don't have time to moisturise anymore, I don't have time to just sit and read a book/magazine. I don't have time to watch tv (I never watch tv anymore). We don't really go out either. Some days I am just stuffed that I fall asleep at 8pm when they have gone to sleep and miss out on a shower. Anyone else like this (those that don't have babysitters/nannies/carers etc...)

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[deleted account]

I feel like you described all the time and I only have one child, a 3 year old. I find that what helps me the most is getting out of the house. Every day I try to get outside somehow. This week it was to clean up the yard in preparation for winter. My son was out there helping me. Yesterday we went to the park. I also agree with what Katherine said about taking time for yourself. I still am not very good at doing it for myself but sometimes you just have to MAKE time somewhere. I'm at the point now where I actually get excited to take a trip to the grocery alone lol How sad is that? I get the chance to walk and browse up and down the aisles at the grocery and it makes me....happy lol

Katherine - posted on 11/17/2010

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Well you definitely need some time to yourself!!!

I always say, forget the housework somedays. You just HAVE to. My house is kind of a pig sty because, guess what? I just don't have the time or energy most days to clean.
I get the laundry done, fold it and that's it.
I clean up after the kids, I feed them, make sure they're clean, make sure I'm clean and that's it.
Your husband nedds to give you some free time once a week or you are going to lose it really fast.

Mine are 5 and 20 months, I can't imagine having a 1 and 2yo.

The MOST important thing is getting time for yourself.

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Angela - posted on 11/26/2010

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I know how you feel it's hard to be a parent. My husband and I work different shifts so we don't have any time together unless we are sleeping in bed. I have no family of my own close, no babysitter or help from family. It's hard at time to keep your cool with the kids when your run down. I know my husband helps as much as he can but he's run down too. Hell we got married and stayed home with the kids. no romantic homey moon for us. I guess that's just the way it is when you have kids but it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

Katherine - posted on 11/20/2010

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I agree with the other mums that it might help you to get out of the house. Is there a playgroup locally that you could join. Alternatively, you could arrange playdates with friends who have kids the same age. It's amazing what a difference having something like that to look forward to makes to your state of mind!

As for your house, don't worry about it. Your kids are your first priority now so as long as they're healthy and happy, everything else can wait.

I realise you're doing it tough right now but things will get better in time. As your kids mature, they'll get to be more fun. My wee boy is three now and you can have a proper conversation with him which is great. Eventually they'll be off to school and you'll get at least part of your day back! In the meantime, good luck with everything. :-)

Loise - posted on 11/19/2010

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I thought it just me, oh my! i made up my mind that my 3 kids came first everything and everyone else take a number.

Katherine - posted on 11/17/2010

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@ Joy, I am the same way!!! YAY!! I get to go to the grocery store!
Yay!!
I get to go and get gas! Or whatever stupid thing it is. JUST to get OUT.

Anita - posted on 11/17/2010

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First of all Joy, I absolutely love that poem. I am going to print it out and frame it!
Thanks ladies. I am just going to have to learn to let the housework go. It doesn't help that I am a neat freak and so is my hubby lol! But that poem made me realise just how much attention I put into housework and not enough into my children. I am so busy vacuuming, cleaning, washing, cooking, mopping, gawd the list goes on that I get annoyed at my children if they want my attention. I need to find a balance somewhere.
I am trying to slow my son down a bit, he has just turned 2 (26 months) and he is like a whirlwind of activity. My daughter on the other hand (16 months) is a bit more relaxed. But it's my son who drives me mad most of the time. You are right Katherine, my hubby needs to look after them more. He does mind them but only one at a time because he can't handle the two of them lol. It stemmed from having them so close together that I have just taken on that role to do everything because he couldn't handle it (I had 2 under the age of 1 lol). But now that they are bigger I need to reinforce some houserules I think!
Thanks again everyone :)

[deleted account]

And here's a poem I like, regarding housework :

Excuse This House

Some houses try to hide the fact
that children shelter there,
Ours boasts of it quite openly
the signs are everwhere.
For smears are on the windows
little smidges on the door
I should apologize I guess
for the toys strewn on the floor.
But I sat down with the children
and we laughed and played and read
And if the doorknob doesn't shine,
their eyes will shine instead.
For when at times I'm forced to choose
the one job or the other
I'd like to be a good house-keeper
but first I'll be a mother.

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