Getting a child use to school

Katrina - posted on 11/05/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 3 year old started school in Sept and still hasnt adjusted yet. Now when she goes to school she shakes uncontrollable and cry. She stated that she is scared of everything and she cries when other kids look at her. She wont move from the door unless a teacher moves her. The teacher has accepted the fact that she wont participate but are concern that she hasnt adjusted yet. Help! what can I do?

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Brandi - posted on 11/06/2009

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My daughter JUST went through this. She has only just adjusted to school in the last 2 weeks. How often does she go? my daughter only goes 2 days a week, so she still gets to spend the bulk of the week home with me. Also, I make sure that she knows EXACTLY what the day will be like as much as I can. Her school feeds her lunch and a snack, so I make sure she knows what she will be having. I went over the daily routine there EVERY day she went. I would tell her You're gonna get on the bus, then you will get dropped off at school where Ms. Gwen will be there to help you off. then you will line up and let the other kids get off. then you go in and get lunch (this is where i tell her what is for lunch) then you have circle time . . . . . . you get the drift. When my daughter was very aware of what was coming for the day, she was better able to cope with being away from me. I was pretty stressed out about it, too. Be consistent, don't pick her up at school (which it doens't sound like you are) encourage her to participate. I used to tell Mikayla to go to school and paint or draw me a pretty picture. I would tell her to play hard and remember what all she did cuz I REALLY want to hear ALL about it when she got home. I also started a routine with her that as soon as she got off the bus, she could come in and have a juice box with me and we chat about her day. It might take a little more time with your daughter. try to make it really fun and positive. highlight that she can play with all the kids and that she will make lots of friends. Lots of praise for anything she does that shows that she is participating. It's really hard, but she'll be ok.

Karen - posted on 11/06/2009

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Have you talked to your child's doctor? (just to cover all your bases!) If you're not sure if switching schools is right for you, maybe at least call around to other preschools and ask what they would do in this situation? Might get some good advice or stumble on a school that could handle it better? Just give her lots of extra love and make sure she knows no one is "blaming" her for being afraid! I've never gone through this personally, but a friend and her daughter (who just turned 5) are having a hard time adjusting to preschool too (this is their first time apart - ever). Some kids just take longer. Or maybe she isn't ready yet? Maybe try again next year? Sorry, I know I keep jumping from one extreme to the other! Hang in there - the right solution will present itself!

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Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2009

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My three year old son is the way you describe your daughter!!! It baffels me. He is a very happy go lucky child until you put him a big group or if I leave him. It doesn't matter how much prep I do or how many times he's "visited" etc... Even other Mom's we hang out with like the Mom's in our playgroup watch him situations like at a big carnival or some special crowded children's event and ask me "who is that child???" because he is so extremely oppisite from his busy outgoing personality they are used to. This summer we tried a group swim lesson where I stayed and watched it was a disaster, the same as you describe, he just sort of freezes, trembles, will not make eye contact etc. Because he was swimming but not safely we tried private lessons and I wound up having to get in the water with him, then he did fantastic! He really wants to play soccer but when I explain to do so I would have to watch he totally declines! He started school two days a week this Sept (a differant campus but same school he attended last year) and it took up until recently the last few weeks for him to not loose it at drop of. And it's the same, he walks into the school as happy as can be, until he enters the class. Some of the things that seem to help have been the same as another Mom mentioned, going over his day, giving him something to do and then tell me about, and focusing on talking about his day once he comes home. I also am very specific about when I am going to pick him up and I always bring a requested snack (even though he has snack before I come :-) ). He is doing so much better with school, talks about his friends, his teacher, and things he does. We are still having the same problem leaving him at his class at church on Sundays and that started when he moved up classes this summer! I have gone back and forth over beinf so stressed and worried over it to thinking it's just a phase and he'll grow out of it. Not sure my post is much help, but I find relief in knowing there is another child/mother out there going through the same struggle!

Katrina - posted on 11/08/2009

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She goes to school for 6 hrs...Its funny before she goes into the classroom she is happy and talk and greet all the kids in her class and their parents but as soon as she gets in the class she freezes. I have tried to make school exciting. The classroom is pretty lazy back but structured. The teacher stated that she is very talkative to the adult and maybe one child at a time but a group she freeze and shakes.

Lynlee - posted on 11/06/2009

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Maybe trial her at a different school. Some kids just don't gel with the particular setup at a school so maybe a different style would suit her better. A friend of mine tried three different kindergartens before she found one that her daughter enjoyed. Maybe she would prefer a more structured setup or a more relaxed one?

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