getting husband on board with discipline

Kimberly - posted on 05/07/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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i am having huge issues getting my husband on board with discipline strategy. He is very " old school", and thinks parenting classes are a joke.. meaning has absolutely no problem spanking.. I am not against it, as long as it is used RARELY, and ONLY as a last resort. I am needing to find a way to bring him around that wont confuse and stress our child in the process. Our son is 2, and speech delayed.

thanks in advance for any advice.

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Gabrielle - posted on 05/07/2009

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How about counting to 3 first? I spank if nothing else works, but first I tell my daughter that I'm going to start counting, and that she won't like it if I get to 3. I make sure I have clearly indicated what I want her to do or not do. Then I count one. I wait a beat, then remind her again, and that she won't like it if I get to 3. Then I count two. That's usually enough. I almost never get to 3. If I do, then there's one swat on the bottom, no more. My daughter's almost 3, with no speech problems, but this method gives her a chance to push the boundaries and save face while I still get her to do what I want...eventually.

Crystal - posted on 05/07/2009

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Sounds like you are going through the terrible two's (don't worry, it will be over soon :-). As I am typing here, my husband is sitting on the couch and I've just read your message to him and we would both like to tell you our experience with our daughter, Aurillia. She is really our pride and joy. At 10 months she was walking already and quite fast in some areas but at 2 the speech was not as fast as other children. What we have learned is that children are fast in some areas, average in some and take their sweet time in others. I suppose that you feel that because your son is "speech delayed" you are not 100% sure if your son understands what you are trying to get across to him and may therefore be hesitant about disciplining him because that is how I felt. But trust me, they are much clever than they seem and though his verbal vocabulary might not be as huge, his understanding might be but you can take him to a speech therapist to confirm, if you are unsure at all. My daughter really put our patience to the test and there were times we really got cross for one another but always tried to be respectful towards each other even in times of disagreement. The more time your hubby spends with little one and interact every single day, the more he will get to know your son and start seeing other ways of dealing with him besides spanking. My husband is also "old school" but even he says that spending alone time with Aurillia has helped him look at things differently & try other methods. I have also had to learn to stop interfering each time my daughter and husband had a fight and let the 2 of them sort it out and this has helped a lot. Dads and Moms are definitely different. I find that his voice alone carries so much weight that he has probably spanked twice in Aurillia's whole life for safety reasons (she once climbed out of the window into the yard, and away from crooked stairs). Through trial and error you'll find what works for you but for me time out doesn't work at all. She's too hyperactive for that and doesn't understand the concept at all. But distraction works, no today means no tomorrow (consistency), routine (doing the same thing every single day in the same order), integrity (mean what you say & do what you say), not giving in to whining, and don't have a million rules. Decide upfront what is important in your family and stick to those period. And voila, after all the talking, the same routine every day, follow through, patience, sense of humour, it's like magic, they do the things you want to do out of their own. Also, beware of mixed messages like grandparents allowing things you don't allow or you say yes and Dad says no because that is asking for trouble. Yes, my daughter has cried many tears because she didn't want to listen but if you are going to pack out all the linen of the cupboard, by George you are going to pack them all pack. And like my doc says, balance lots of discipline with lots of love. And like a very good friend told me, one day the kids will be out of the nest, and all that is left will be you and your husband, so be a team and keep that relationship going. Good Luck!

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