Having an only child

Natalie - posted on 12/15/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi my husband and I have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old daughter and the thought of having a second makes me sick because I feel I love my daughter so much. I dont have the bond which I would have liked with my mother and wonder if its because of this that I love my daughter so much. Has any one ever felt this way or knows of anyone?? People tell me i will love another the same but I feel I need to feel Im ready 100% if I was to consider this.

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Darylin - posted on 06/24/2011

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I know how you feel. I only have one and wonder what having a second one would be like. Everyone says that the love expands but I worry about how to divide the time to make the second one feel as special as the first one. My daughter and I do lots of stuff together. I feel like she'll be short changed if I have another child. Or the second child will be force to live up to the standards of the first child (which is like a right of passage in my family). Your fears are vaild but you'll have to take a leap of faith towards any decision that you make. Good luck.

Hailey - posted on 06/24/2011

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i have a 2 1/2 year old 2 and i felt like that but at the same time i think when she is older me and my sister are 3 years apart and do everythin together i love it never alone i kinda want the same for her u will love it no nother couldnt love there own child :)

Angela - posted on 12/17/2010

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I know how you feel - heck, I felt it when I was pregnant with my second! But once they're here, it really is true. Your love for the baby grows, and for me, it's made me love my older one more. She's 2 and she's great with her baby sister, and I'm so glad that i gave her a gift of a sibling.

Erin - posted on 12/16/2010

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I only have my son who's gonna be 3 in a few weeks. I know how you feel. I think I may have another some day who knows? But I worry that I could never love another child as much as I love my son and it wouldn't be fair to my second child. People tell me I will love them just as much but differently. I guess it's something you just don't understand until you have more than one.

Louise - posted on 12/16/2010

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I was very close to my first born son and I did worry about sharing my love with more children. All I can say is the minute you hold another baby in your arms you just know that you will love it just the same. As your child grows up your relationship will change so much. My older children are now adults that have flown the nest, so to speak and I have a two year old. I love all my kids and have a strong bond with all of them but each one is totally different and need me in different ways. Maybe it is just the wrong time for you at the moment. You may feel differently when your childs goes off to school.

Tricia - posted on 12/16/2010

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I felt exactly the same way! My daughter was 2 when my husband and I decided to have another one. I wanted a boy so bad because I thought that if I had another girl I wouldn't care for her as much as I did my older one or I wouldn't be able to give my older one the same amount of love as I was. Well, I found out I was having another girl and I cried my eyes out. I talked about my fear with my husband and Mom and they said it was ok to feel that way. My mom said that it is normal to question yourself in this situation. I can assure you that the moment your baby is born you will love her/him just as much, but for different reasons. I couldn't ask for two better kids than the ones I have. It also helps that the oldest won't be so spoiled anymore. There will be an adjustment period but that will pass. For example, my older daughter refused to leave my side, like going with grandma overnight, for about three months after the baby was born. My baby is now 5 1/2 months and my older one is back to staying at grandma's on the weekend, sometimes for the whole weekend! Ultimately, it is your decision, but don't wait too long, too many years between children can cause a lack of closeness in their relationship with each other.

Amy - posted on 12/15/2010

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I loved my daughter also. And I had the same fear. But then I thought of how much I LOVED my big sister and was so glad that she was there for me through so much. We had a hard time deciding on having a second or not. Then I got pregnant and miscarried. It took us a month to talk every night on if it was a sign or if we should keep trying. We even asked our daughter and she was SO excited. Kept saying baby, my baby. So we did. She and her brother absolutely love each other. And it's funny how I feel like I still have solo time with each of them and love them both so much. And it's so fun to watch them interact with each other. I do think that if you are on the fence about it, being sure will help you. Just always remember, you are not your mother. You make the relationships with your children. My sister and I have some unique memories of our mother, but very many of us all together that we wouldn't trade for the world. Either way, you will be a good mom to one or all of your children because you are thinking of hte love and bond you will have for them. Good luck with your decision. Don't forget to talk with husband and daughter. They may be the ones to sway you!

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I think that if you DO have another child, you'll just have more love to give! At first it will feel like you're neglecting your 1st for a bit but if you MAKE time for both, separately and together then it'll be easier. Maybe her dad could take her out for special daddy daughter time 1 day a week as well so she feels even more special!

Then again, there is NOTHING wrong with having just one. With the economy, population overgrowth and food shortages, you can give your ONE child more of a future!

We're on the fence about having another... on the one hand traveling will be easier, we could give him the best start in life and it's easier to do things with 3! On the other, I see a little girl and my heart aches... plus i still have a lot of pregnancy weight to lose lol!

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