Help!!! Binky Issues or seperation anxiety

Jennifer - posted on 04/22/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I recently took away my 2yr old daughters binky. She was only using it for naps & bedtime and went to sleep w/no issues.. Its seems that ever since I ve taken it aways all she wants to do is have me hold her until she falls asleep. She will not stop crying until I pick her up and hold her. Once she's asleep I can put her back in her bed and she'll stay asleep. I dont know what to do.. Some people says let her cry it out..Some say just rock her to sleep whats the big deal? Some say I am tramatizing her and should give it back until she's alittle older.. Some say I cant give it back cause she's won if I do that... I cant decide what is the right thing.. Am I tramatizing her?? Should I just give it back and wait?? Should I just rock her and deal with that later??

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[deleted account]

I have weaned many children from favorite items to passys and bottles. And had one child that had issues of being left by her care taker as a result of being bounced around in CPS, that was by far the worst to help, but I did help her and she worked it out just fine within the year that I had her. (All of these kids were 2 yr olds.) With a lot of kids it can be tramatizing to have something taken away and nothing to comfort them in place of that item. Don't let people tell you she can't be tramatized because the last kid that they saw give up a passy wasn't affected. It depends on the personality, you know your child, listen to her and find small ways to compromise. I would hold her and rock her for now, but try to slowly wean her off that. An example would be to try to put her in bed after she is asleep but not in a deep sleep. Try to coax her into staying there. By coaxing I mean incorporate some rubbing on her arms and hair and sweet humming with your rocking, then also use those to sooth her when you lay her down before she is completely alseep. Once she associates the loving gestures with the comfort of rocking it will go a lot smoother. You might not have sucess on the first or third time but keep trying with your patients in tow. When she has a problem during the day and you are able to suddenly fix it use key words that you can incorporate with going to bed. Like your fine, it's ok, you're all right. When they have memories that go with key words and you use those key words during a high time of stress, it helps bring them back down to a more managable calmer level. I wouldn't give it back at this point, you could make this process so much harder for you both by doing that. It's our job to help our children find more age appropriate ways to sooth themselves when needed, sometimes they need a helping hand to do that. Letting her cry it out would be tramatizing her, since she has already lost her passy and now her mommy wont even comfort her, that's how she would see it. If it was an every day tamtrum that would be different, but she needs help learning to cope without a passy. If you getting up from the rocker wakes her up too much when she is in a light sleep, then have the rocer beside her bed so you don't have to walk with her, just get up and put her in bed. And when you think she is ready then rock a little less and continue the same process until she is going to bed like the big girl she really is.

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Tiffany - posted on 04/23/2010

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you should what ever you feel is right your the mom!
I dont think you r tramatizing her
and as mean as it might sounds I would not rock her to sleep
try giving her a fav thing to sleep with maybe a teddy or blanket
or try sitting with her and letting her no u r there!
hope i could hepl good luck!

Laura - posted on 04/22/2010

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The one thing you should not do is give it back. Reason is this rule applies to potty training to...is you will confuse her. You want her to be a big girl and that means sometimes you have to stick to your guns and not give it back to her. Rock her, make her go to bed and read a book to her and sing her a soft song that she finds relaxing, let her cry it out but do not give it back.. instead give her a sippiy cup( sorry for mispelled words), start a bed time rutenie example bath, reading/sining soft song[s],quite time then bed and she will get threw this.

[deleted account]

I think giving it back to her would send the wrong message. I think it's just an adjustment period to the no binky. She wants extra soothing because her other source is gone.
I see no issue with extra snuggles if that is what gets her to sleep. If she were still waking through the night crying and inconsolable then I might argue to give it back to her till she is more ready.
No you have not traumatized her. She just needs time to adjust. Try encouraging one of her favourite stuffed animals to be her new comfort. So when you are rocking her to sleep cuddle the stuffed animal in with her as well. Our son now uses his Kitty and Bear Bear for comfort and had a crying spell leading up to bed time for about a week after we dropped his "sucky" out of his bedtime and nap as well.
Rocking her will not harm her in any way and will not stop her from going to sleep by herself in the future.
You are not mean. You have not done anything wrong. Stick to what you feel is right and try to let the rest slide off.

Good luck!

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