HELP! Major Tantrums in not so safe places

Dorrie - posted on 04/08/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm a small person. I'm only 4 feet 8 inches tall. My toddler is about half my height, which means he goes for my face when he throws tantrums. He's been flinging my glasses, head butting and hitting. My titanium frames have been bent twice already. He usually picks when I'm holding him while walking down concrete stairs to throw his tantrums. Trying to hold him until I can get him somewhere safe is a challenge. Just really scared about the level of the tantrums and the places it happens. I'm also concerned about the horrified looks I get from others when I'm just trying to get him set down safely. A little understanding would be appreciated rather than the strange looks.

Here is what we've tried so far--

Laying him down and walking away. Holding him in a time out. Putting him in his crib to calm down. Stating consequences and following up. Trying to stop the tantrum before it starts, by telling him what's going to happen next, so he knows the agenda. Teaching him to slap his knee and saying, "I'm mad or frustrated or whatever" instead of hitting, etc. He laughs or becomes even more agitated at any of these.

Most people I've heard from said, "Spank him, because 2 year olds do not understand reason.".
I just don't know if I'm ready to go there. But I don't think I take another throbbing nose from the head butting or replace my glasses at $300+ a shot.

Any suggestions?

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Marcy - posted on 04/09/2010

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Don't spank him. If you can, pick him up and walk back to your car. Put him in the backseat but don't buckle him in and sit next to him. Take your glasses off, face the window and ignore him until he calms down. There is no use trying to stop the storm when its at its worst. Tell him firmly, "You hurt mommy, let me know when you are ready to be a big boy.". Consistency is key. Don't switch how you try and deal with his behavior just keep doing the same thing over and over.



At home, same thing. Pick him up and put him on the sofa or a chair or floor and put your finger in his face and say 'STOP, you are hurting mommy. Let me know when you are ready to be a big/good boy."



It could take up to 45 minutes in the beginning but it does get quicker/easier. My son rarely has a meltdown but when he does (and its not due to the obvious tired/hungry) then we stop everything and do as above. its so hard because you just want to crawl inside their little heads and try and figure out what is going on but patience and consistency are key. Good luck...make sure he knows you are the boss.

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