HELP! Twins and a Toddler - what am I missing?

Beatrice - posted on 12/20/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I don't think I can handle this anymore: 4mo b/g twins.I breastfeed and pump bc I work 30 hrs/wk. one sleeps well, the other wakes every two hours at night to nurse and naps for 45 mins max if not held.

And of course, my toddler is OUT OF CONTROL. I cant get her to take a nap even if shes exhausted - she will just wear herself out and if she does nap its already 330 and her bedtime is 8pm, so its a little late for napping bc then shes not tired for bedtime. Even on the days when my husband takes her to the park, she won't take a nap. Sometimes, she can go until 9pm at night with no nap and having gone to the park twice!

I wake up @ 630am nurse babies and get ready for work, get toddler dressed and diaper changed. 830 - off to work, back by 1230 or 1pm. get lunch for toddler, nurse babies. some days back to work 2-5pm and others 6-9pm while hubby watches kids.

Lately, my toddler has taken to throwing horrible tantrums right before i leave for work and right when i come home - both times i am unable to pay attention to her bc i have to do other things (like nurse). and of course if my husband tries to help, she throws an even bigger fit. She has also started rebelling against her bedtime routine. When I come home (whether its at 5pm or 9pm) she is awake and it takes an act of god to get her to sleep before 9pm. I spend every waking moment trying to get her to stop whining or to do her bedtime routine. the past couple of nights, she was fooling around so much i just put her in her bed and walked away and she screamed and screamed but im tired of getting yanked around by my toddler. and im just plain exhausted.Some of the things she knows she's doing - like procrastinating at bedtime, but when I try to put a stop to it, she throw terrible tantrums. Or she will ask for something she can't have - m&ms right before I walk out the door for work - and when I say no, throws a fit.

I feel like I have no control, no nap schedule (spend hours trying to get babies to sleep when I come home from work in the middle of the day). I'm eating terribly bc I'm too exhausted to cook anything nutritious. I'm skipping meals and eating cookies!

I just don't know what to do. I would like a little structure, but I don't know where to start.

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Beatrice - posted on 12/30/2012

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Thank you Ariana - I'm going to try some of these things. I have started trying to give her lots of positive attention before she starts getting into things, sort of as a preventative measure. I 'think' its working :) I'm just so exhausted from tending to everyone. I know I need a consistent way to deal with these tantrums and I think it will be really helpful to do what you mentioned about skipping part of the routine, but it means she will go to sleep sooner.

I had to laugh about the bringing the water and then taking it away - I have those same moments with my daughter and have come to peace with letting her have her tantrum. I have to be better about saying "no" once and meaning it because she will bate me into escalating the situation by telling her over and over again that she can't have something and then she can react and scream more and more.

As for naps - I haven't given her a nap for a couple of months, but I know she's tired. I'm going to make a very special effort to create a space for her to have quiet time. I don't think her room has been a very happy place with all the stressful night-times in there and time-outs too! I feel bad about that, but I'm trying. I just miss having nice moments with her.

I will be changing my work schedule, too and I think it will be more manageable and work better with these ideas. Now I just have to get hubby on board!!!

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