Help with Listening to mommy!

Cindy - posted on 11/28/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 year old daughter and she dont listen to me. Well let me rephrase that she does until I ask her to do something or we go somewhere. When we r at home I ask her to pick up her toys etc. and she will yell No at me and screams then starts crying a scream cry like I have spanked her or something which I havent. She does this when she is put in timeout. Nobody believes she does this just to me and not others. I guess its just a mommy thing I dont know what to do! And she does the same at a store when she has to ride in a cart she will throw this screaming fit and of course everybody is watching us so I cant finish shopping we have to leave. Why does she do this just to me and how can I get her to stop??? And please help on the screaming! Thank you all.

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Megan - posted on 12/01/2010

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i have the same problem,except its with my 5 year old son,he doesnt listen to me,it gets me so upset because when other peole or if hes at some one elses house or even in school,nobody believes that my (ethan)thats his names acts this way,he listens to his father with no problem,my mom his mom his teacher his friends parents everyone except for me he yells no back to me,and i am 32 weeks pregnant high risk pregnancy,i am just having so many problems that it has really taken a toll on me emotionally, i have near to none when it comes to patience with anything not just ethan!so when it comes to trying to put him in time out he runs from me wont stay were he is put in time out,and i amretaining sso much fluid in my legs not only that i feel as if i shouldnt have to chase him he is very smart andunderstands all of my health issues that i am having! i tell him its not hard u take a toy out u put back before u even take something else out,so then when ur done playing u dont have so much to pick up!mommy didnt play with ur toys its not my mess,its yours! i think that my problem is that he was spoiled,not so much materialistcally,because i dont believe in every day ia a day u get a toy orsomething he wants,he gets rewarded when he gets a good report card,or he gets for his bday or other holidays u know what i mean iam sure.he gets whgat he needs though! i spoiled him with my time wise,and now he goes to school and im either so busy with doctors thr house keeping it up the best ican,helping him with his home work now christmas,and getting prepaired for a new baby! so ican only do so much and sometimes i nap on the weekends,but his dad and he has a best friend and other siblings that come over to spend the weekends with us! so he is acting out towards me,i know thats what the problem is,do u agree?i wish i could have been more help to you, i just wanted youto know your not the only one whos having that problem and its just getting worst for me(i actually sit and cry)trying to figure out were i am going wrong, i feel like a bad mother because he talks back to me,its just getting out of control, i even mention the problems i am having with ethan to his pediatrician,it did not do anything!ha just said the ages 2 and 5 are the hardest! that he will grow out of it! anyway i suggest if your daughteris really bright,using reverse psycology with her,thats what my mom did with my little sister,intsead of saying pick up your toys please,say i bet actually iknow u cant pick upall those toys by yourself, say only big girls can do that and see what happens,and if it works for you use it all the tme with her!

Tandah - posted on 11/30/2010

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My daughter just turned 3 and is doing the same thing! It's only with me too. When her father takes her places he said she is good as gold but with me its a crying and fighting match.. I think its because our children feel most comfortable expressing their feelings with mommy because we are always there. I have asked for help but everyone just tells me it's normal and doesn't really tell me what to do.. Sorry I don't have advice but at least your not alone on this one.

Marisol - posted on 11/29/2010

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My daughter is only 14 months and it's hard to make her listen to me. I think this is one of stages...I will definately look for that book. Some times we just need to find the way to make our kids listen and do as we say.

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My son is 3 and acts like that a lot. I'm still learning as I go, but I can tell you what I've done that is working so far. In the grocery store, I let him walk beside the cart as long as he remains near the cart and doesn't touch anything on the shelves. If he misbehaves and strays from the cart too many times, I put him into the cart, screaming or not. Yes, I've been "that mom" in the store....you know....the one you're secretly thinking "SHUT THAT KID UP!" lol I don't care. It's embarrassing but I just keep on doing my thing and he eventually calms down. As for the way he acts at home? I've noticed that if I ask him to do something like pick up his toys, he doesn't complain one bit if I help him do it. Before, I would ask him to pick up the toys and he'd have a fit. I would get frustrated and just do it myself eventually. But I realized (by luck) one day that if I hand him things, he'll happily put them where they belong. I also notice that the more I let him do to help me (laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning), the happier he is to do the other things I ask him to do.

About the screaming? The best advice I can give you on that one is to ignore it. My son will lay on the floor and scream bloody murder and you wanna know what I do? I step over him and make a huge deal about going on about my business. "Ohhh, Mommy's gotta go do the dishes now. Gee, I wonder if Jacob will stop crying long enough to come help me." Works like a charm.

I have a friend that I used to babysit for before I had my son. She would come to pick her up and ask how she had behaved. She was always good for me so I'd tell her how she had played nicely, helped me, and was just a good girl. My friend cried once when I told her this, "WHY is she good for everyone but MEEE???" Flash forward several years and I had my son. Same exact scenario has happened to me several times. Kids are at their "worst" with whoever they spend the most amount of time with. My son is with me pretty much 24/7. He feels comfortable enough around me to push his limits with me, to see how far I will let him go. He knows the tone(s) of my voice, when I'm reaching my boiling point. He feels comfortable enough to let go. With other people, kids aren't so sure. So a stern tone from a babysitter may seem to have more of an effect than it does when it comes from you. I hope that makes sense lol

I was recently recommended a book by a friend of mine. It's called 1-2-3 Magic. I got it from Borders.com and it only cost $17 after shipping. I'm liking it so far. It's about how to discipline your child without yelling, arguing or spanking. I'm hoping that can help a little with the small power struggle we have going on around here. Best of luck to you :)

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