How did you handle tempertantrums?

Jessica - posted on 04/22/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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He's going to be 2 in October and he's already in the terrible two stage. He will throw himself on the floor for no reason and scream. Is there any advice on how to handle that?

21 Comments

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Claudette - posted on 05/07/2010

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Ignore, ignore, ignore! Your child wants a reaction from you. As soon as they realize that they are not getting a rise out of you, they'll stop.

Lindsey - posted on 05/06/2010

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Hi Jessica,
I feel your pain! and they always choose to do it in public,,,
just make sure he is not near anything he can hurt himself on and let him get on with it. above all, stay calm, go to another room if you need to, and he will soon get the message that you're not interested in the fuss.
if you treat his tantrums the same way in public (stay calm and let him get on with it), don't worry about people staring - if they have kids of their own they will be sympathetic - you are his mum and you know what is best, sometimes people come up and start interfering, it's really annoying, but if your son sees he is attracting attention from strangers by doing it he will do it all the more, so gently decline their 'helpful' comments!
we have introduced a 'step' (not called a naughty step in our house!) which seems to work, for other advice try
www.supernanny.co.uk
good luck

Tina - posted on 05/05/2010

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Emphasize that you understand how he/she feels and that she can come play when she/ he is done melting down...be as indifferent as possible...getting your blood boiling only makes it work...walk away unless he is in harms way...

Marie - posted on 05/04/2010

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my step daughter attemted this before she turned two.
smacking is no way to teach.
at first i tried ignoring it, but why should i tolerate that behaviour at all, if you ignore it the child is likely to do it in th emost embarrasing place.

the second time my step daughter ever did it, i looked at her, i raised my voice (but not yelling) opened my eyes wide! and said "STOP NOW" stunned she looked at me. i made her stand and walk to the corner, i explained this is the naughty concer and when you do things like that its naughty, it only happened three times after that, never to happen again. very lucky because i got a hold of it before she even turned two!

[deleted account]

Just act like you do not even notice it and continue on with whatever you were doing or saying in a normal tone. Or just walk away from him like the tantrum is not happening.

Gayle - posted on 05/04/2010

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Ignore it as best you can. I know it is hard, especially when they follow you around screaming. The best my eldest did was in the middle of the shopping centre. He screamed for nearly 10 minutes. I just stood there and laughed. It was all I could do, and most people seemed to understand. They just looked at him and gave me a simpathetic smile instead of the tut tuts.
By the way, the "terrible two's" aren't so bad. 3 is even worse I'm sorry to say.
Hang in there.

Patricia - posted on 05/02/2010

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If we are at home, I walk away. If we are out in public, I take her out to the car and we come home. Best way I have found of handling the tantrums.

Chloe - posted on 05/02/2010

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my son is 2 yrs old and he has had tantrums for a while. what i have found is the easiest is either try to get him distracted on something i know he will like or put him the corner for 2 mins and after explain to him why i put him in the corner and that he needs to say sorry for misbehaving. ive found its the easiest thing for me and him. remember when you talk to a child to get down to his level and make sure hes looking at you (as much as possible)

Anne - posted on 05/02/2010

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When my son throws a tantrum, we ignore them...as much as we can. We don't acknowledge the tantrum or respond to it. We don't give him any attention. If he carries on for too long then we put him in his room to calm down. We also say to him calmly that we don't like his behaviour and to calm down. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. It depends on why he's throwing the tantrum. Most of the time it's out of frustration and we can usually get him to calm down and work through it together. Other times it's because he wants something he's not allowed to have then usually he might have to have a time-out in his room. But generally ignoring it usually works as he realises pretty quickly that his behaviour isn't going to get him anywhere.

Rose - posted on 05/02/2010

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i look after my grandson whom i have since birth he is now 2 half he had terrible tantrums so all i did was ignored him and and gave no reaction to his screams and he gave up they allways look for a reaction from you when they get they think wow i will continue ignoring the situation works wonders and just get on doing someyhing else he or she will soon sicken good luck.

Anjali - posted on 04/27/2010

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They are looking for a reaction from you...
My son would have these tantrums in the malls every single time we went to one. i realised one thing that worked with him was giving him an option...if he cries and yells anymore we go home or he can stop crying and we can go further . It worked for me. I guess it gave him a chance to make a decision.

JERIKA - posted on 04/24/2010

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WELL WITH MY DAUGHTER I JUST LET HER FALL OUT. AND DONT PAY HER ANY MIND. SHE BASICALLY WANTED HER WAY AND IF SHE FELL OUT I LEFT HER THERE AND EVENTUALLY SHE CAME AROUND BECAUSE SHE KNEW IT DIDNT DO ANY GOOD BECAUSE SHE KNEW SHE WASN'T GOING TO GET ANY RESLT FROM DOING IT

Tanya - posted on 04/24/2010

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I ignore it, if possible. Otherwise, my son will either get sent to the room or he'll go to time out. Just keep patient and he will eventually learn. :0)

Adrian - posted on 04/24/2010

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Just ignore him when he throws himself on the floor. Walk away and wait for him to stop crying. Let him come to you, and when he does, explain to him that throwing a tantrum is not the way to get what you want. He won't understand your words, but eventually, he will understand that you do not respond to screaming. If it continues after about two weeks of ignoring the crying, you could try time out. Put him in the same spot every time, for one minute per year of age. Don't talk to him or hold him while he's in time out. If he gets up, take him back to time out. Eventually he will learn. Good luck!

Sam - posted on 04/24/2010

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its a battle of wills, giving in and giving them what they want only reinforces the behavior. just have to be consistent with one punishment, that works for you, and not give in. also, its not so much that the punishment is there but that you have confidence in your self that you are not going to accept this behavior but will not be run over by your child. I had a cousin who bit, cursed and hit and the parents were to scared jumpy and nervious to really say 'no' like they meant it, but when i came around he did not act that way to me, at the first sign of him biting or anything I would loudly comand, 'no!' you are not gonna act like that with me!' so he never did, he didnt know what i would have done but from my voice he knew he wasnt just gonna get away with it.

Erin - posted on 04/23/2010

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My son has been throwing them since he was about your son's age. I think the reason for throwing them varies. Sometimes it's about not getting what they want. In that case I calmly say "sorry but you can't (have that or do that)." Then I ignore the rest of the tantrum. Sometimes I think he is trying to tell me something and can't express it. I'm beginning to understand him more and more as he points to something and says "I want that" in a demanding tone along with a little whining. If it is something that isn't dangerous I make him say please and don't give in until he says it.

Tiffany - posted on 04/23/2010

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Dont!
Ignore hes behavior. hes looking for a reaction from you!
my son is 3 and we have been there! its no fun but a lot easier then 3!
he only wants to see how far he can get! try letting him no that is not the right way
and showing him the right way! if he dont want to listing then walk away! when he is done ask if he is ready to be a boy and talk about it let him tellu how he feels and let him no ur the mom and ur way goes! fits or not!!!
good luck and hope I could help! ♥

[deleted account]

Is it I am angry because I am not getting what I want tantruming?
or
Is it you're not understanding what I want/neeed kind of tantruming?

For the not getting what they want kind, just wait them out.

For the frustration of not being able to communicate what he wants/needs, try helping him verbalize what he wants or needs by saying the words for him.
"I see that you are angry because the car is stuck under the couch, would you like help getting it out?"
"It's almost snack time, are you hungry? What would you like for snack?"
etc
My son uses a lot of sign language because one of the children I look after is autistic and was non verbal when she started a year ago. Her parents were starting to teach her sign so I started learning too. It is amazing how quickly a tantrum can be averted by a few quick signs to tell me that he is hungry or thirsty or hurt or needs help.

And then there are just days where no matter what you do they are going to be stubborn and throw the tantrum just to display their independence from you.

Gotta love our toddlers ;)

Good luck!

Ashley - posted on 04/22/2010

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Ignore her behavior. She's looking from a reaction from you. My sons temper tantrums are very mild as of now, but he's only 15 months old. Sometimes if he doesn't get his way, he'll simply sit in the floor and cry & when I dnt react he'll lay in the floor fussing for a minute, then get up & be abt his merry way. When he realizes that I'm not gonna make a big deal abt it, he gives up. Hope this helps!

Theresa - posted on 04/22/2010

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My 19 month old daughter has started doing the same thing. I give her a warnig to stop or I'll put her in her room. She doesn't stop so I go put her in her room and shut the door. About 1 1/2 minutes later I go get her. She stops screaming as soon as I open the door and wants to cuddle. It hasn't made the tantrums stop (yet anyway), but it does make them much shorter.

Lisa - posted on 04/22/2010

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My daughter is also going to be two in Oct and is going through the terriable twos as well and has been throwing tantrums since she was 1. I just make sure she isnt going to hurt her self on anything and let her go. once she realizes she isnt getting anywhere she stops usually with a mintue or two. I do the samething when we are out shopping ect. people stare at me letting her freak out but I dont pay attention to them and within mintues its over and shes usually really good after. I hope this helps Good luck

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