How do I stop temper tantrums?

Jackie - posted on 09/09/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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How do I get my 1yr 10 month old to stop throwing tantrums if he doesn't get his own way???

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Lori - posted on 09/09/2009

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I agree with the others.... make sure you NEVER give in. After him seeing this once or twice you'll be the winner! I have also used time-out with my kids (one minute per year... so my three year old gets three minutes in time out). BUT what I have noticed lately is that time out for their toys sometimes works even better. If they can't share I put the toy that's causing the issue in time-out for the REST of the day.

Hansy - posted on 09/09/2009

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I think he is young enough for you to start teaching him that temper tantrums won't get him nowhere. When he throws one just ignore him and tell him he is not getting what he wants. Once he calms down you give him whatever he asked for and tell him that only if he is nice he will get what he wants. He will soon learn that tantrums won't get him what he wants. It worked with my 3 yrs old perfectly.

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Jessica - posted on 09/12/2009

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I am in the same boat girl! My son is 2 and he throws gnarly tantrums and sometimes they are SO bad I can't control him. I've tried everything from spankings to time-outs to trying to talk to him, but all you really can do is ignore them. It's just a stage and it's going to pass, it's so difficult esp. when they're 2 just gotta deal. Our pediatrician said that it may be up until 3. So good luck to you! Hope this helps! =)

Sequoia - posted on 09/12/2009

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Some theories include extinction (ignoring), negative behavior. This only works if the parent(s) are already fully attentive to the child. Also be if baby is not napping regularly or has sleep issues, tantrums may increase. Subsequently, ignore only for about 5 minutes. When our child has a temper, we say, "I'll play with you when you feel better." and then walk away. If we're in public, we find a very close place to hide where baby is w/in our sights. Baby simmers down quickly when loved ones are not in sight in public! It works for us. However, if you don't have a close place to hide, then you'll have to let baby wail w/o saying a word. Once you sense baby is about finished, slowly walk away. Baby should follow. Some children may bang their heads or hold their breath until they faint. The degree of tantrums varies. Sometimes in public, we pick up and TICKLE baby and then walk quickly away to a more private spot! Also try distracting baby with something that is of great interest



The 'terrible twos' is merely a time when children want to work on their autonomy but do not quite have the language to express their intentions. Although toddlers can understand what we say, the part of the brain for speaking language is still developing, hence frustration/terrible twos.



We found that baby sign language greatly helped our child to transition more smoothly through toddlerhood. Our child used sign language as a tool to express exactly what was needed. We experienced less tantrums and baby's language development skills increased faster than usual!



Our baby is now 3 and on occasion has been known to have a fit to defy us of something that baby does not understand will do harm. At home, we send baby to the bedroom to simmer down. No longer than 5 minutes, else a 3 year old will forget why they are there. It should be noted that our child's toys are in a separate play area outside the bedroom. So, when baby goes to simmer, there's only a place of contemplation. After about 3 to 5 minutes baby comes out, we ask if baby feels better, baby says, "yes" or "sorry", and then its done.



Overall, we have learned to simply take a few deep breaths, let baby rip, tickle/distract on occasion,and then talk about what happened and what is expected with a loving calm voice.



Hopefully our experience was helpful...Good luck!

Donna - posted on 09/11/2009

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my daughter is going through that at the minute ,shes 1 yr and 7months at the minute when she throws a tantrum i have just walked away into another room ,and within a few minutes she has stopped .

[deleted account]

OK Ladies...I;m a grandmother of 3 and my girls are 29 and 24. When my oldest was about 3 she started having terrible temper tantrums and I tried so many different approaches, including ignoring. I had an old friend that had told me his mother put him under the shower. After getting to my wits end, one night she had a tantrum in the church parking lot. I got her in the car and we went home and she had tightly wedged herself in the floorboard in the front seat I could not get her in the house. I went in the house and got a glass of water and poured it on her while she was still in the car having her fit. She immediately stopped crying and looked at me and said "you got me wet". Fron then on when she would start one of her fits, I would just say "are you going to cool down or do you want me to cool you down"....she would stop and in a short time, the tantrums quit all together.

Hansy - posted on 09/10/2009

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I think the trick is to start teaching them early. At 1 1/2 a child will not have the same violent outburst as an older child (one would hope). I started ignoring my boy's bad behavior before he even turned one, by the time he was 2 he was tantrum free. I can't honestly remember the last time he threw one. People would tell me about the terrible twos but I never got to experienced it. My child like every other child likes to play and jump and scream but he is well aware that bad behavior is not accepted. He never cries when I don't give him what he wants, but he would say please to me or give me a kiss and that definitely gets my attention. When he is feeling frustrated he tells me that he feels like crying and I hug him and I ask him why he feels like that. He is such a good boy that I really feel blessed. I think all you need is patience and lots of love. Another thing you should watch supper nanny of any of those shows. I swear I would not believe anything on those shows until I tried one of their tips (how to make a child sleep alone) It took me two days and my boy was sleeping by himself in his bed. I don't even have to stay with him until he falls asleep, I put him in bed wide awake and I come back in 5 and he is sleeping like a little angel.

Theresia - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Hannah:

ignore, ignore, ignore. My son will even go so far as to bang his head on the ground or against a wall trying to get sympathy for his hurt. That phase lasted about a week. now he only tries that tactic about once a month.




I agree wholeheartedly with this, except that my son has hydrocephalus and there is a fluid filled gap between hi skull and brain that cannot sustain any banging...so I HAVE to worry about the head banging, but I do ignore not appropriate whining and crying.





 

Jennifer - posted on 09/10/2009

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you just have to ignore him while he is doing it. my son is 2 1/2 and tries tantrums...i tell him he has to talk nice to mommy and if that doesnt work i ignore him until he's done. its hard sometimes because he can throw some bad ones but it does work.

Anna - posted on 09/09/2009

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Ignore minor bad behaviour or say no firmly and then distract him. But if he is getting really angry and emotional you just have to hug him until he calms down. It develops the part of the brain that will allow him to calm himself when he's older. Little kids can't help having these really intense emotions - they just don't have the brain development to think rationally about things. Take his feelings seriously because he is genuinely distressed, but you don't have to give in to him either.

[deleted account]

ignore, ignore, ignore. My son will even go so far as to bang his head on the ground or against a wall trying to get sympathy for his hurt. That phase lasted about a week. now he only tries that tactic about once a month.
Remember, with toddlers it is all or nothing - and they have no middle ground and no control over their emotions. they can't sit there calmly and say, "but mommy I really wanted that" - instead they dissolve into tears.
You are teaching your child a life long lesson that throwing a tantrum is not how you get things in life.
When the tantrum is over I will calmly validate my child's feelings, "I know you wanted me to hold you, i love hugging and holding you too. I had to put the groceries away though. I know it is frustrating for you, next time maybe you can play pot & lid on the kitchen floor while I put groceries away. that would be a lot more fun than crying." How much does your child understand of this? who knows - but over time they understand more and more, and speaking to them like they matter helps.

good luck! but you're only getting started. Terrible two's are around the corner.

Jane - posted on 09/09/2009

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I know what you mean, I have a 26 month old boy and he throws that biggest fit when he doesn't get what he wants. Before I would cater to this behavior but we didn't get anywhere, just got worst. So we tried timeout, didn't work. Ignoring the behavior worked the best. Consistency with anyone around him helped also. We tell him that crying and throwing toys will not get him what he wants. He would cry even louder but don't give in, ignore the crying behavior and praise or recognize the happy behavior. Sounds so complicated huh? Why didn't he come with a manual, hahaha! Good luck!

Sarah - posted on 09/09/2009

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Hello. my Child is 2yrs 3mnths now and he is in full swing of terrible twos lol i find having a chair tht you use everytime. I put my little boy on his chair at the very start of his temper tantrum and he sits for 1-2 minutes. Although it did not work straight away, with a little patience he now seems to calm down a lot quicker than usual. Even if it means he is on the chair 50 times a day lol now when i tell Alister he needs to sit on his chair he is generally out of his tantrum within 30secs. Hope this helps.

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