How do I tell my nearly 4yr old son he has another dad?

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

My son has only met his real father at age 6months, once, it has been a messy and quite yucky situation and we have not had contact until just recently. His father wants to be involved on some level, although isn't on the birth certificate and pays no moneys towards his upbringing.Only wants my son to know he exists and perhaps develop some kind of relationship. I have been with my current partner for two years now and we have a 11month old son. My son calls my partner "dadda" and I am not sure how to start to tell him that he has another dad. They haven't met yet but I know it will happen soon. My main concern is that my son is very sensitive and also suffers from severe eczema so anything new or out of order effects him emotionally. He can be very shy esp with new people and I would hate to go to the effort of introducing him to his bio father and deal with all the confusion and then have to deal with him taking off again, like he did when I was pregnant leaving me to pick up the pieces. Everything is quite peaceful at the moment other than the eczema and this in itself is incredibly stressful. Any thoughts or similar experiences would be great to hear. V...

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[deleted account]

I agree with Channelle, to introduce him as a friend first. If he sticks around and proves himself to be a positive influence on your son, then you can tell him. Perhaps explain that you need a man and woman to make a child, and even though you love your partner very much, your ex is the man who helped you make you son. Your son will assist in developing the conversation from that point, whether bit be straight away or over time as he gets older. It will be confusing for your son til he gets older, but if you are clear that he is loved and supported by you, your partner, and hopefully his bio dad, then it should work out in the end ;)

Channelle - posted on 08/15/2011

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It sounds like a tricky situation... If I were in your shoes I would first let him get to know his father as a friend and if it goes well and the dad decides to stay in his life only then tell him who his real father is.... that way he would not be as disappointed if the dad takes off again and leaves you to pick up the pieces... but at the end of the day you have to decide what is best for your child....

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